Even if your mother married a freaky scientologist, she still deserves the wishes.

Lindsay Lohan stole a fur coat from a bar the other night, and as if things couldn’t get worse, she is being accuse of stealing clothes from Shia LeBeouf’s girlfriends clothes. Before you start thinking, “that’s hot,” it’s not. Model and LeBeouf-playthang Lauren Hastings says Lindsay stole clothes out of her closet. 5 witnesses say they saw Lindsay and her bodyguards robbing the Lauren’s closet.

INSIDE EDITION has obtained documents from the Los Angeles County District Attorney’s office, confirming that Hastings reported the theft of her clothing. But the DA’s office declined to prosecute Lohan, citing insufficient evidence. “I contacted Lindsay and said, ‘Look, I know you stole my clothes.’ She then said I was completely delusional, I was pathetic,” Hastings said. 

Of course, Mother of the Year chimed in with her words of motherly wisdom.

A disgusted Dina Lohan says it’s not true, her daughter Lindsay never stole a blond mink coat.
“I talked to Lindsay, we were laughing hysterically on the phone…I mean really, it’s silly,” Dina told INSIDE EDITION.

Remember when?

Hugh Hefner isn’t shy in wanting to tap Miley Cyrus for Playboy. Lets face it, she probably could do worse will do worse considering the pace she is on.

Extra says, “Certainly she’d be welcome to the magazine. She’s a very pretty lady.”
As for the drama caused by Cyrus’ VF shoot? “To make such a big to-do over something as innocent as those photos — I think it’s a reflection of how schizophrenic America is about sexuality.”

America sucks. Why all the hatorade? Getting emotionally unstable chicks nude should be considered a pass time. Good going Hugh, you are a true American leader.

In Jamaica. Pretty cool video shot in Jamaica, has a time travel feel to it and the beat is pretty good. Very vintage look.

“Don’t follow me.”

Good stuff.

Check out this clip of Ashton Kutcher on Carrie Keagan’s show. Ashton at one point tells Carrie that couples should make “love” in the theater while seeing his movie.  Actually, Ashton has a pretty dirty mouth and mind. And oh yeah, Carrie Keagan, I would…..yeah, you know.

Elisha Cuthbert’s bikini vacation with her douchebag hockey player boyfriend is now, over. Children cry in the streets. Oh well, at least we have two solid sexy Elisha Cuthbert bikini days to always remember and to get us through the cloudy days. Hopefully this summer brings Elisha to beaches all over the world!

More Elisha Cuthbert bikini pictures

Worse than Nick’s sentence was his dad, the Incredible Hulk, being the Incredible Douche by wearing a hat in the courtroom. He pleaded no contest to Felony Reckless Driving. His dad pleaded guilty to Felony Reckless Douchebaggery.

People says, In addition to the jail time, which begins immediately, Bollea, 17, was sentenced to 5 years probation, during which he will serve 500 hours of community service, not be allowed to drink any alcohol and have his driver’s license revoked for 3 years.
“I think there is an understanding of what happened, and there is a sense of acceptance of responsibility,” the judge said, explaining his decision. “There is nothing that the court can impose that is close to what John has dealt with or will have to deal with as he moves forward.”
Leaving the courthouse, Bollea’s family did not address reporters. His attorneys did say that Bollea was “happy” with the sentence, and happy that the case was finished.

Apparently Mischa Barton isn’t just arguing with police officers over a DUI stop, she is rocking the photographer boat as well.

The Daily Mail says, “Those photos are doctored,” Barton’s rep, Lisa Perkins, tells us. “I’m not saying she’s perfect, nobody is. But they’ve given a 22-year-old woman the legs and bottom of an 80-year-old.”
Barton’s publicist contends that Aussie photographer Jamie Fawcett - whom she calls a “parasite” - is out to make the former “O.C.” star look bad because “she called him out for taking the topless shots.”

Did someone say topless photos of Mischa Barton? Are those actually valuable? Email them to me anyways if you have them.

More Mischa Barton doctored photos.

On How I Met Your Mother, that is.

Entertainment Tonight says, “I had such a great experience the last time I was on the show that I couldn’t wait to come back,” she said. “I was really looking forward to working with this cast and crew again. Everyone was so nice. Abby is going to have a lot of fun!” 

Of course, not “everyone” likes good ole’ Britster getting free cast donuts in the morning time. Just ask her new character boyfriend, Doogie Howser.

AP says, “I worry that if they start `Will and Grace’-ing us too much, that the show will suffer. And we’re all really proud of the content of the show. I mean, viewership is not our game. It’s the network and the studio’s game, you know. It’s the promotion department’s game,” the actor, who plays womanizer Barney, told The Associated Press.
“We wish we weren’t opposite an awkward reality dancing competition,” he said. “But we have no say about that. I just am a real fan of our content. I think we have a great show going, and I hope it’s not screwed up by the desire for 700,000 more viewers.”

Yeah, this is going well.

Actually, I haven’t a clue what they are saying, they will not allow me within 1 mile of them. Judges orders. But if I had a guess, that’s what they would be saying. I love the lollipop gig, I mean, she might as well have place a sign on her forehead that reads, “need media attention.” Jessica, the big boobs are doing the job, you don’t need to suck the lollipop. Although it is pretty hot and yes, I did post the pictures of it right here on celebrityrumors.com. I am shallow like that.

More Jessica Alba pregnancy, lollipop pictures.

Yeah, there is of course the token douchebag present, but for the main picture, I at least had the respect for my audience to axe the clown. Wow, what a total hottie Elisha Cuthbert is in a bikini. Are those stars I see, or glitter, or diamonds? Whatever the case, she has a rockhard stomach and a pretty nice backside. Unfortunately the backside pictures all seem to include the clown.

More Elisha Cuthbert bikini pictures

Last April, we reported that Minnie Driver was pregnant with the Easter Bunnies baby. This morning, there is a small chance that story was misrepresented. Instead if could be San Francisco musician Craig Zolezzi.

The Independent says, The only clues Driver will offer about the identity of her “baby daddy” are that he is English, and “sort of in the same business”, and that they have evaded detection because “he’s really busy, like me”. She is so far undecided whether to have her baby in England or the US: “A big part of me wants my child to be English. My family are here and I’m sure I’ll move back here one day. It’s just that my work, and the opportunities I’ve had, have been so varied and wonderful in the States that I’ve just followed my nose really. 

I really think, however, that there is still a chance it’s me. Or will be me one day. I mean, I don’t want to be a daddy, but I do want to sleep with Minnie Driver. Hey, you take the good with the bad, that’s life kids.

More Minnie Driver pregnant pictures.

Well, after these photos, I would say there is little doubt left that Jennifer Aniston’s body is John Mayer’s wonderland. And even more astounding, this one seems to be lasting longer than most of John Mayer’s flings, such as Jessica Simpson. Maybe John has finally figured out that the older ones work out where it counts? Maybe Brad Pitt is finally in Jennifer’s past.

Dina Lohan apparently acted as a distraction to the true purpose of yesterday’s Mingling Mom’s gathering where Dina Lohan was honored. 

AP says, “It just spun out of control,” Mingling Moms president Erica Logiudice told The Associated Press on Wednesday. “The press is welcome to be there — I mean, we want it to be out there. But what they did was they kept badgering me, `Why Dina Lohan? Why Dina Lohan?’”
But Logiudice said the attention around Lohan distracted from the true purpose of the event: to bring moms together for a fun time and raise money for breast cancer research. A portion of the proceeds went to the F.A.C.T. foundation, a Long Island-based breast cancer charity.
“This is such a good thing I tried to do, and I worked for so long on it,” said Loguidice, who said the organization has been getting hate mail on its Web site. “And to wake up and see all this nonsense, it’s just upsetting, you know?”

Um, couldn’t you dumb broads have figured this one out before hand? How tough would it have been to have just pretended she never won? Remember the Florida balloting fiasco with Al Gore? Take notes ladies.

And believe it or not, she is making progress. Last night, Dina Lohan attended a ceremony held by Mingling Moms, a Long Island social networking for mothers, and was celebrated as one of the organizations top moms. As you can see from the picture, this looks like a brilliant group.

TMZ says, Her husband Michael told us that she was supposed to be at a court-ordered family therapy session just blocks away at the same time, but she chose to attend what looked more like a bachelorette party than a mothers’ event.
Of course, the same group — Mingling Moms — also gave Jennifer Lopez an award for being a great mom, and she hasn’t been a mom for three months.

And with that, we have truly read it all.

While Dina was celebrating her mother of the year honors, daughter Lindsay Lohan was making a sex tape and doing a bunch of crystal meth with some of her closest drug dealer friends in Hollywood.

The recent mother of son Max, and wife of douchebag Jordan Bratman, is apparently drinking away the baby weight.

Page Six says, The pop tart, who recently gave birth to son Max, went to Crown Bar in Los Angeles with hubby Jordan Bratman and friends, who had a few rounds before continuing the party at the Chateau Marmont. A source said Bratman, who stayed sober, drove home. 

This is exactly the kind of milf I would love to meet out in some ritzy Hollywood bar. She still has the big breast, her weight looks down, and she is into drinking  away the blues of being with a complete douchebag. I have always been a fan of Christina, and it appears she is going to rebound nicely from the pregnancy.

More Christina Aguilera post-pregnancy pictures.

Barbara Walters is said to have admitted to having an affair with a “colored” senator. Worse more, he was apparently a republican. Also, is Mariah Carey married to Nick Cannon? What a cougar! A hot cougar that is! Check out this and more on the What The Buck Show.

The long awaited Batman sequel trailer is out this morning, and man, it looks really good. Obviously a point of interest is recently deceased actor Heath Ledger playing the Joker. I have to say, he does a great job from what I can tell. And Christian Bale looks like he has his usual stellar performance. Will Heath Ledger’s Joker rival Jack Nicholson’s? Only time will tell, but check out the trailer.

So Kate Moss was seen doing a topless shoot. While I think Kate Moss is hot, topless photography ain’t her niche. These things are pointy, like a witches hat sort of pointy. I mean, if lightening were in the area, it would strick Kate Moss’ breast first to gain power then strick other, more prominent iconic figures…like Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan (the lightening wouldn’t have been powerful enough to strike in the first place without Kate Moss’ breast and nipple dialers).

More Kate Moss topless photos.

Since her relationship with Cold Play’s Chris Martin turned from Brad Pitt rebound to full on marriage, not much of Gweneth Paltrow has been out there to be seen. Until this weekend when Iron Man rocked the box offices at number one; a movie she appears in. But when asked about ex Brad Pitt, the mood changed.

Contact Music says, Paltrow appeared less than happy to be questioned about her ex at the Los Angeles premiere of her newest film Iron Man (30Apr08). When asked if she had any well wishes to share with Pitt - whose partner Angelina Jolie is pregnant with the couple’s second child - the Shakespeare In Love star declared, “No!” 

It seems that Brad Pitt has a laundry list of mad exes, including Jennifer Aniston who recently attempted to resolve her Pittsues with Angelina Jolie, it turned into a futile effort however.