See what happens when Katie Holmes ventures out in public without hubby Tom Cruise. She gets all frisky. Here we have Katie stepping out looking all prettied up…and flashing her undies. And not just any undies, those are some thigh squishing Granny garters. And before you ask, no they’re not pantyhose. Check out her naked (and huge) feet.

I can understand Katie getting all excited about wearing high heels again, I’m kind of surprised Tom let her keep a pair, but how did she manage an upskirt in this dress? It’s an actual dress, not a Paris Hilton mini. Maybe she’s trying to flash a “help me” note she stashed in her drawers.

Nicole Kidman was sent to the hospital after a minor mishap (car crash) on the set of her new movie “The Invasion.” She’s unhurt and returned to the set to resume filming. See, not even a car crash can wrinkle that brow.

Here’s the official statement:

There was an accident involving a rigged camera vehicle on the set of THE INVASION Wednesday night (1/24/07) in Los Angeles. Nicole Kidman was in the vehicle at the time of the accident and was taken to the hospital for evaluation. She was released shortly thereafter. No other actors were involved in the scene at the time of the incident. Two additional crew members sustained minor injuries as a result of the collision. The production took the appropriate steps following the incident to ensure the safety of the cast and crew. Production resumed Wednesday evening and Kidman will return to the set on Thursday, January 25.

I have no idea how something like this could happen. I mean look at the pictures. There’s only like seven or eight people hanging on to the sides of this car as it careens through the streets. We did that in college all the time and we never hit anything…or maybe we did and the Jell-O shots just helped us bounce right back off. Way to shake it off, Nicole. If it has been Lindsay Lohan she would have been “recovering” in a bar by now.

Kevin Federline finally found a job. But even when he actually works for his money, he still manages to make an ass out of himself.

K-Fed has landed a Superbowl commercial for Nationwide Insurance and their “life comes at you fast” campaign. In the spot, K-Fed daydreams about being a famous rapper, only to suddenly wake up flipping burgers at a fast food restaurant. Well, apparently using fast food workers as a punchline wasn’t the best idea.

From E! News Online:

In a letter to Nationwide, Steven C. Anderson, president and chief executive officer of the Washington, D.C.-based National Restaurant Association, charged that the ad “give[s] the impression that working in a restaurant is a demeaning and unpleasant,” and stands as a “direct insult to the 12.8 million Americans who work in the restaurant industry.”

See, I didn’t get the joke right away. I didn’t know this was a commercial. I thought it was a documentary showing where K-Fed really works right now. I’m so easily confused.

The rumored relationship between robo-hottie Jessica Biel and Derek Jeter is over…we think. Not that we ever actually saw them together. But if they were tangling the sheets, those days are over…maybe.

Page Six reports:

It looks like it’s over between Derek Jeter and Jessica Biel. Last weekend, Biel flirted with Justin Timberlake while Jeter was at Atlantis in the Bahamas for the Michael Jordan Golf Tournament, where Biel seemed to be the last thing on his mind. Saturday night, Jeter was “flirting madly” with Gabrielle Union, our source said. When DJ Cassidy played “Put It in Your Mouth” by Akinyle, Jeter and Union dirty-danced before leaving together. A rep for Union said, “They are friends, but they did not hook up.”

Honestly, the thought of Jessica and Derek together was a little creepy anyway. And if Jessica is single again., I don’t think she’ll have any problem finding a new workout partner. That girl rocks the red carpet. J-Lo should just admit that there’s a new booty on the block.

Remmeber last year when Paris Hilton forgot to pay a $208 bill for a storage locker? All her stuff was auctioned off to an anonymous buyer. And now thanks to the internet, we all have the opportunity to peek into Paris Hilton’s junk.

The site ParisExposed.com launched yesterday and for the low, low price of $39.97 a month you can get a glimpse into Paris Hilton’s private video tapes, diary and photos. Or you can just wait another day for everything to be leaked online.

The site promises to have:

o New never before seen sex videos
o 250 personal and private videos
o Drug use that makes Tony Montana look like a missionary
o What does she write in her diaries
o Is Paris still Bi-sexual? See the videos!
o Over 25,000 personal photographs taken by Paris and her friends
o And lot’s more…

Paris naked? Paris drunk? Paris kissing chicks? Didn’t she do all that last week in Vegas? Well, there’s the info. Go check it out if you really need to get that deep into Paris’ crap. If you find anything good, send it this way. I’m saving my $39 for the Lindsay Lohan rehab video…oh you know its coming.

It’s official, and by official I mean its being reported by gossip writers like myself, that Jennifer Lopez has joined the Church of Tom Cruise. Wait, maybe its called Scientology…I forget.

Rumor has it that J-Lo has turned her back on her Catholic upbringing and embraced thetans, auditing and spaceships. I don’t know how Marc is going to feel about it, but one of Jen’s former teachers isn’t happy with her decision.

From the New York Daily News:

“Perhaps her background is not important to her,” says Sister Lucille Coldrick, principal of her old school, Preston High in Throgs Neck, where she graduated in 1987″…It is no coincidence that Coldrick also has abandoned hope of Lopez ever visiting Preston High - whose motto is “Virtue is a thousand shields” - to address the students. She has lost count of the number of times she has invited the star to deliver an inspirational speech, only to have her requests fall on deaf ears.”

Maybe J-Lo gave up on praying to St. Jude to fix her stagnant career and has decided to do some old fashioned glad handing at the next Scientology pot luck. Personally, I think God just didn’t want to risk Gigli The Sequel getting made. This way He can just shake his head and blame the Scientologists. Now that’s God who thinks ahead.

Jessica Simspson and new boyfriend John Mayer were spotted in Miami having a very quiet dinner. As in, they had nothing to say to each other. Hmmm, you’d think John could at least comment on the sound of the wind whistling through her pretty blonde head.

From Page Six:

JESSICA Simpson and John Mayer’s dates may be more fun for the paparazzi than for the couple. Spies at Nobu in South Beach told Page Six that, despite the ruckus caused by their entrance, the two barely spoke on their Tuesday night date. “John was extremely quiet and didn’t speak a lot,” said a source, while Jessica “just gave a lot of puppy-dog looks and twirled and twisted her hair.” The two were seen holding hands, but Simpson left Mayer for 20 minutes while she “fixed herself up for the camera” before heading back to their hotel.

Wow…exciting. I think I nodded off while I was typing that. Which is fitting since both Jessica Simspson and John Mayer are beyond boring. The only thing that was even remotely intersting about their relaitonship was when Jess defied her money-grubbing Papa and ditched a New Year’s gig to hang with the strangely vampire-looking Mayer. Now I’m bored with them again.

But, here are some pics of Jess and her boobs to liven things up.

Looks like Rachel Ray has been putting a little too much wine in the chicken stew. TMZ is reporting that while Ray was on a book tour in Los Angeles, the cooking queen and newbie talk show host got hammered and started running her mouth.

“We’re told Ray became “extremely loud and aggressive,” and began dissing Oprah. Sources say she told the group about a portrait of Oprah that sits in the lobby of Harpo Productions in Chicago. It’s from the movie “Beloved” and shows Winfrey’s back, enhanced with scars. She’s also wearing a skirt from the slavery era. Back at the table, sources say Ray launched into attack mode: “Why is she wearing slave drag? She obviously has problems being black.” But Oprah wasn’t Ray’s only target. Sources say she told the group how much she liked Jennifer Aniston and then called Brad Pitt a “pussy boy.” But her harshest comments were reserved for Angelina Jolie, calling her “a skanky, backdoor cunt.”

This just makes me laugh. I love the mental image of Rachel Ray stumbling drunk in a restaurant and fat mouthing Hollywood’s A-list. Sweetheart, when you finally get invited to sit at the senior table, you sit down, shut up and thank your lucky stars that they didn’t stuff your ass in a locker instead.

Courtney Cox is using an old trick to get her television show out of the ratings cellar…girl on girl action. In one of the worst kept secrets today, the story is out that Jennifer Aniston is going to guest star on her Courtney’s show and play a lesbian.

From TVGuide.com:

Call them Friends with benefits. You already know that when Jennifer Aniston guests on the March 27 season finale of Courteney Cox’s FX drama Dirt, she’ll be playing her bosom buddy’s archenemy, a rival tabloid editor. But what I’ve learned — muahaha, exclusively! — is that Aniston’s character is a lesbian. What’s more, she won’t just mouth off to Cox’s tightly wound counterpart, she’s going to share a liplock with her. An FX rep declined to comment, but Joey Tribbiani had this to say: “Yeah, baby!”

So Courtney Cox stood by Jen during the divorce and as a reward when she needs a lesbo liplock to keep her terrible show from getting cancelled, Jen is right there for her. Nothing says BFF like a little tongue.

Virgins beware, Paris Hilton and Jenna Jameson are out to pop your cherries…and introduce you to a world of overused women, STD’s, and antibiotics. Who says there’s nothing good on tv anymore?

From TMZ:

“[F]amed on-camera sexhibitionists Hilton and Jameson have been contacted about “participating” in a reality show currently in production called “Virgin Territory,” in which a group of the uninitiated will find their way to the promised land. Ironically, it’s being brought to TV by the purveyor of Paris’ sex tape, Kevin Blatt, who predicts that even more people will watch “Territory” than “One Night in Paris,” Hilton’s infamous night-visioned romp.”

And ironically, having to have sex with Paris Hilton is probably the only way to convince a guy to stay a virign.

Tori Spelling and hubby Dean McDermott are trying to sell a reality tv show to support their baking bun. “Tori & Dean: Inn Love” would chronicle the newly un-rich couple as they run a bed & breakfast.

There are so many things wrong with this story that I don’t even know where to start. Tori on television again…wrong. Tori cooking and cleaning up after tourists…wrong. Watching Tori breastfeed her bundle of joy while trying to resurrect an acting career that was totally dependant on her Daddy’s influence…wrong, wrong, wrong. Let’s just skip to the end where Tori finally shows up at her mom’s house and throws herself on the mercy of Mama’s bank account.

Here’s Tori’s pitch for the show:

“We think of it as ‘Newlyweds’ at the next level. We are still newlyweds, but we have a baby on the way and our careers and a new business, so it’s kind of like ‘Newlyweds, Part Deux.’”

So instead of Newlyweds, it would be like Newhart…if Newhart sucked.

Opps, there goes another super-model. Looks like Leonardo DiCaprio is losing another runway walker girlfriend. Rumor has it that Leo and girlfriend Isreali model Bar Rafeali fought it out over cell phones while Leonardo was in a London nightclub with friends.

British newspaper the Daily Mirror reports the 32-year-old told Rafaeli, “I’ve had enough of this,” as he sat at his table at the Aura nightspot. A source adds, “His friends were having a good time but Leo just sat there looking really glum and texting all night. “Then Leo’s phone rang and he started having this heated conversation.”

There must be some initiation rite among models that says you can’t be one of the cool models until you have dated Leonardo DiCaprio. You know you’re the man when your starting requirement for a girlfriend is that she be a supermodel. Not bad for the add-on kid from Growing Pains. Oh yeah, Leo…we remember that.

Lindsay Lohan skipped out of rehab to attend an AA metting. Apparently, Lindsay checked into the only rehab facility in the universe that doesn’t have AA meetings…how convenient.

Maybe Lindsay is confused by the whole concept of rehab. She did just get kicked out of the hotel she was living in. Maybe she thinks rehab is like an expensive flop house she can use to store her clothes and occasionally spend the night.

Seriously, it can’t possibly be a good sign when the nurses or guards or whoever is in charge of your recovery just get out of the way when they see you jumping the fence. And if you’re going to ditch rehab, at least make it worth the effort it took to tunnel out. AA meetings and shopping? Please. At least when Keith Urban got out on good behavior you knew he was bouncing on Nicole Kdman.

Keira Knightely may be skinny, but the girl plays rough. The Pirates of the Carribean actress is suing a newspaper over a story that she says implies she lied about not having an eating disorder.

The BBC reports:

Actress Keira Knightley has begun legal action against a newspaper publisher over suggestions she has lied about having an eating disorder. The Daily Mail published a photograph of the 21-year-old on a beach, with remarks about her weight, in an article about a girl who had died of anorexia.
Ms Knightley claims the article implies she has been dishonest in denying having any such problems.

I’m too broke to be sued, so I’ll take Keira’s side on this one. I’m sure the totally healthy and realistically built Keira and the publisher, who should be ashamed for implying that being able to fondle your own rib cage is in anyway cause for concern, can reach a friendly settlement. Maybe they can get together for lunch…that should do it.

No wonder Tom Cruise has been so obnoxious lately, the man thinks he’s God…or at least the son of God. High level Scientologists are telling the out-there star that he is the Church’s “Christ figure.”

From The Sun Online:

A source close to the actor, who has risen to one of the church’s top levels, said: “Tom has been told he is Scientology’s Christ-like figure.
“Like Christ, he’s been criticised for his views. But future generations will realise he was right.”

Call me crazy, but I think Jesus had a few more things going for him. The whole walking on water, turning water into wine, resurrection thing…Tom, those things were all done before computer generated imagery. Granted making little Suri materialize out of nowhere was something of a miracle, but I’m not going to rush out for my Sacred Heart of Tom Cruise painting just yet.

Looks like Paris Hilton can cancel her reservation at the women’s prison. The aimless heiress has pleaded no contest to charges stemming from her DUI arrest.

From CNN:

Paris Hilton was placed on 36 months probation and ordered to pay fines after pleading no contest Monday to alcohol-related reckless driving, a reduction of an original charge of driving under the influence. Hilton, 25, did not appear in court. The plea was entered by her attorneys Howard Weitzman and Shawn Chapman Holley, the city attorney’s office said. Judge Michael Sauer also ordered her to attend an alcohol rehabilitation program and imposed other conditions. He gave her the option of reducing her probation to 24 months if she completed 40 hours of community service. No immediate decision was made on that option. The fines, plus penalty assessments, totaled about $1,500.

So, in spite of all the pain and suffering this woman has inflicted on the entertaimnent industry, Paris will simply dump the spare change out of her designer purse to pay her fine, spend 40 hours giving homeless children make-up advice and go on her merry way. If there were any justice in this world she would have been locked up for subjecting us to “House of Wax.”

Britney Spears only has one thing going for her right now…the possibility that she can still sing. But now it looks like her non-stop partying and tarnished public image may be putting her comeback album in jeopardy.

From Page Six:

Britney Spears is trying to put out her comeback album in November, but music industry sources say Jive Records is going to have trouble selling it to the public if the pop tart continues partying.

“Right now, she is trying to lay down some tracks, but no one is keen to move very quickly because there is the issue of how to market the album,” an insider said. “Jive hasn’t even picked producers for the album.”

Here’s how you market it…put one of Britney’s upskirt shots on the cover and sell it to drunk frat boys on Friday nights who think they’re buying a sex tape. Seriously, at this point, does anyone really want to hear Britney sing again.

Model and serial actor-dater, Giselle Bundchen, has a few words for anorexics around the world. Oh goodie, I feel a pep talk coming on.

“I never suffered from this problem (anorexia) because I had a very strong family base. Parents are responsible, not the fashion industry,” she said in the Friday edition of O Globo newspaper. “Everybody knows that the norm in fashion is thin. But excuse me, there are people born with the right genes for this profession.” Gisele said that as a child her peers teased her for being skinny with names like Olive Oil, the character from the Popeye cartoon. “In fashion I felt accepted … I never felt lonely because I always relied on my family.”

Well, that’s just what we need. A skinnny model telling girls everywhere that she has the genes to be thin and they don’t. And if these girls feel overwhelming pressure to be thin it isn’t the fault of the endless barrage of ridiculously thin fashion models, but because their moms don’t bake them enough cookies.

If you want to send a message to girls of today try this…those model smay have thin genes, but they’ve also got a stash of heroin, coke and speed, enough cigarettes and caffeine to wake up a vegetable and a dozen skilled airbrush artists ready to cover up the track marks and alcohol bloat.

Add another babyseat to the Scientology spaceship. Page Six is reporting that Jenna Elfman and husband Bodhi are expecting their first child. And here’s the part of the story that really caught me off guard…they have been married for sixteen years. Sixteen years! Doesn’t that qualify as winning the marriage marathon in Hollywood?

Both parents-to-be are scientologists, so Jenna may be practicing keeping her mouth shut for a “silent birth.” How nice that little Suri is going to have a playmate in preschool auditing.

Brad Pitt’s worst nightmare is about to come true. Ex-wife Jennifer Aniston and new love Angelina Jolie are going to have a pow-wow. I don’t think there is any way this meeting ends well for Brad. Personally, I hope Jennifer comes with a weapon heavier than just the fact that Angelina stole her husband.

From Star:
Sources say Jen still firmly believes Angelina is responsible for destroying her marriage to Brad. But the stark contrast between the two relationships indicates that the Brangelina/ Jen love triangle was far more complicated than Jen might believe. That may be why, sources say, Jen still seems interested in learning when and why Brad and Angie first got together. A source close to Jen says she’s never stopped wanting to tell Angie just how much pain she caused. (Brad and Angelina have always maintained they did not get together until after his split with Jen.)

Given the major change in Brad since he left Jen and became super-glued to Angie, I’d say there was a serious mid-life crisis involved…or brainwashing. That would work too.