Tongues are wagging about Eddie Murphy ditching the Academy Awards just after losing out on the Best Supporting Actor Award to Alan Arkin. But Eddie insists that he wasn’t being a sore loser (just a regular loser, I guess).

Eddie’s rep says:

“Eddie had always planned on leaving after his category was announced to spend the rest of the evening with his family,” says rep Arnold Robinson, adding, “He did the same thing following the Golden Globe Awards.” (Murphy did win at the Globes.)

I’m not surprised that Eddie snuck out early. He had to go find the guy who decided to release Norbit while Academy members were still voting and beat him senseless. I’m sure while Jennifer Hudson was giving her moving acceptance speech, Eddie was in a production office somewhere trying to suffocate the Norbit publicity guy with a fat suit and yelling “you couldn’t have waited until after they voted for me??”

Maybe Eddie can sculpt a little Oscar look-a-like out of gold plated dollar bills after his big, fat (yes, pun intended) Norbit payday.

Katie Holmes is doing her best to follow in Nicole Kidman’s Jimmy Choo footsteps. The new Mrs. Tom Cruise was spotted at the Academy Awards doing a freakishly good Stepford Wives imitation. Of course she doesn’t seem to realize that The Stepford Wives was a movie and that Nicole was just pretending to be a brainwashed, puppy wife.

From US Magazine:

Cruise, 44, greeted a few photographers but didn’t introduce his wife, who said nothing and stood next to her husband, waiting for him to finish his conversations. He later asked her again to pose for a picture alone, and she finally agreed.

“She looks at him for direction,” the witness tells Us.

Well, I’m glad there’s nothing dysfunctional about this marriage. I’d love to get a peek at the pre-nup. I want to know exactly how much longer Katie has to give up her dignity, her mind and her self-esteem before she can split with the cash and the career boost.

Britney Spears has a rehab buddy. The broken down pop tart was recently visited by former cocaine addict Daniel Baldwin who offered his support during her recovery.

From Hollywood.com

Britney Spears has found an unlikely ally as she battles her demons in rehab–recovering cocaine addict Daniel Baldwin. Movie star Baldwin met up with the pop star at the Promises rehab clinic in Malibu, California, over the weekend and urged her to contact him if she needed to talk about her troubles.

Baldwin has since told TV news show Extra that his new pal seemed “a little fearful about her situation.”

Now that is impressive. Not so much that Baldwin is willing to help a fellow addict on the road to recovery, but that the guy actually went into a rehab center to give a chick his phone number. That’s a special kind of desperate. Either that or he’s a pick-up genius. Hey, he might get laughed at in a bar, but he probably looks pretty good to a girl in detox who’s willing to sell her clothes for a swig of cough syrup.

Did anyone else find it a little odd that Brad Pitt skipped the Academy Awards this year? I ask not just because I missed seeing the super hot Brad all dolled up, but because it seems odd that he would snub the ceremony. His film Babel had a bunch of nominations, including one for co-star Cate Blanchett, and Brad was a producer on The Departed which won for Best Picture.

Brad’s rep claims that Brad was too busy working to attend. Sure, that must be it. Or could it be that Brad, who is supposedly above everything Hollywood now that he has Angelina and the kids, is feeling a bit neglected by Oscar? After all, George Clooney and Matt Damon both have the little blad guys sitting on their shelves. That must make bar-b-ques a little awkward. I predict we’ll be seeing Brad play a quadrapeligic teacher who teaches a mute boy to sing in his next movie…that should get him a nomination.

Oh, and how cute are these kids? If this family gets any prettier I may throw up.

So it’s against the law to actually feed people to lions anymore, but apparently it just dandy to feed them to Naomi Campbell. MTV is giving the assault prone super-diva her very own reality show. We can only hope that everyone on set is issued a helmet and a restraining order.

From Female First:

Supermodel Naomi Campbell is to star in an MTV reality show which shows her searching for a new PA. The supermodel is determined to rid of herself of her temperamental persona with personal assistants.

Naomi’s last six assistants have quit because of her violent temper. The catwalk beauty has been accused of assault by two previous assistants - and physical and emotional attacks by another.

Given the choice between auditioning for this show or a show called “Running with Scissors while Balancing Hot Coffee on Your Head and Being Chased by Rabid Rhinos,” I’d pick the scissors, coffee and rhinos…there’s less chance of bodily injury.

So singer Pink is running around in a bikini and oh my butch, check her out. I’m a little worried that she’s been sampling the testosterone pills at the local GNC. Girlfriend is getting scary…scarier.

I think the top is the only way we can identify her as a chick anymore. Between the tats, the oddly masculine looking muscles, her way square jaw and that whole “I can kick your ass” strut, she might make a fairly hot guy. The only thing working against her is that fact that she’s, you know, a girl.

It’s ok to be a fan of British singer James Blunt and super sexy Petra Nemcova, just do it from a distance. One autograph seeker is nursing a squashed foot after James and Petra reportedly ran over his foot as they were leaving a pre-Oscar party.

From E! Online:

The sensitive Brit singer was involved in a car accident in Los Angeles early Saturday while leaving a pre-Academy Award bash in which his car ran over the foot of a male bystander.

The same can’t necessarily be said for the man whose foot was on the receiving end of the vehicle. While the man has not been formally identified, several reports peg him as an autograph-hunter.

And of course the kicker in the story is that James and Petra didn’t stop to see if the guy was ok. To which he would have responded “no, I’m not ok, you just ran over my f**king foot! And hey, can I have your autograph?” Now who do you think this the guy called first, an ambulance or a lawyer?

So before hitting the Academy Awards, Cameron Diaz hit the beach in Hawaii with Drew Barrymore. And while the bikini-clad stars relaxed in the sun, they were sharing…a smoke. And it doesn’t look like a Camel to me.

What is going on with Hollywood suddenly taking pot public? Is there an organized “legalize weed” protest that I don’t know about? And where’s Woody Harrelson while everyone is lighting up? He should be in his hemp pants, passing out informational leaflets printed on paper you can smoke when you’re done reading.

So the votes have been counted, the little gold bald guys have gone home with the winners and the last of the drunk celebrities have been swept off the floor. Now comes the stuff we really care about…who looked good on the red carpet and who looked like they need to fire their stylist.

This year the fashions at the Academy Awards were all about being bold and taking risks. Some of it worked and some of it flopped. Here is my totally uninformed, uneducated, based soley on what made me go “wow” or “yech” Oscar fashion recap.

Fashion winners:

Helen Mirren not only won Best Actress, but she has to be up for Best Dressed as well. She looked gorgeous in a Christian Lacroix gown. Cate Blanchett was oh so sexy in a Swarovski crystal studded Armani dress that clung to her body like Brad Pitt when she got shot in Babel.

Penelope Cruz is sitting on my fashion fence. I loved the top of her Versace gown, but the bottom is questionable. Somehow it mostly works for her, but I’m advising her to avoid feathers in the future.

Nicole Kidman was stunning, as always, in a bright red Balenciaga halter gown with a big ol’ bow one one shoulder. I wasn’t sold on the bow, but then I saw her face and remembered why she can do no wrong. Gorgeous! Hopefully Tom Cruise was kicking himself just a little bit when she hit the stage.

Kate Winslet was channeling her inner Greek godess in a one shoulder Valentino. She may not have had a snowball’s chance in hell at winning this year, but girlfriend looked fabulous. The hair, make-up, jewlery…just perfect.

So those are my picks for style winners. These were the women who made me say, “wow, she’s so beautiful. Bitch.” Now go visit my post on the fashion losers. You know that’s what you really want to read.

Now for the fun part, who should have skipped the red carpet. I don’t mind being bitchy about this because these women have buckets of cash and professional people to style, primp and pamper them before the show. It’s not my fault if they hired a fashion school drop-out or if they forgot to look in a mirror before popping open the champagne in their limo.

So here are my picks for the big fashion losers:

Jennifer Hudson may have won the Oscar, but that is no excuse for the Judy Jetson gold python jacket she was sporting on the red carpet. At least she had the sense to take it off later so she won’t have to look back on her big moment in that bolero…yuck!

Anne Hathaway in Valentino. What is with the ink spot on the front? Not only was it unflattering to her figure, it looked like a giant butterfly crashed into the front of her gown.

Jessica Biel wore an pink Oscar de la Renta halter that looked hot, but she gets marked down for her hair, too bumpy, and for her obiovus lack of a bra. It would look hot on her if it hadn’t been so cold in LA last night.

Gwyneth Paltrow. I may be the lone nay-sayer on this one, but I didn’t like the meshy, peach Spiderman dress. The criss-crossing lines were distracting and made me a little dizzy. Plus her lipstick is way too red for the gown. She needs to go kiss a few guys to tone down the bright red color.

Cameron Diaz showed up sporting an angular white off the shoulder something that looked like it came right out of a paper factory. It was one of my least favorite looks of the night. Right up there with a bald Jack Nicholson sitting the front row. Check the tape…he’s as bald as Britney.

So, that’s my take on Oscar fashion. Of course I spent the night in yoga pants and a tank top eating ice cream while watching E!. So what do I know?

Us Weekely recently reported that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were in the process of adopting a boy form the Tam Binh orphanage in Viet Nam. Now Star Magazine is counter-reporting (sounds like tabloid espionage) that the glamorous duo won’t be bringing home a bundle of joy…at least not from that orphanage.

Contrary to other, recent reports that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were planning on adopting a Vietnamese child from the Tam Binh orphanage in Vietnam’s Ho Chi Minh City, a spokesman for the orphanage tells Star, “Brad and Angelina have not been back to our orphanage since their visit in November. I’d only wish that they were adopting from us! There are many orphanages in Vietnam that they could adopt from, but it certainly is not us.”

Now I ask you, if we can’t trust a tabloid to give us the straight scoop, who can we trust? I’m willing to bet though that Angie and Brad will be picking up another ankle-biter sometime soon. It’s been what, like 6 months since Shiloh was born? Angie has got to be jonesing for a baby fix by now. And you know Brad is in full on “yes, dear” mode. What Angie wants, Angie gets…just ask Jennifer Aniston.

Pics from their trip to Viet Nam.

And the winners are…no big surprise. Unless you made a philosophical decision to shun all things electronic yesterday, you probably know the Hollywood love fest otherwise known as the 79th Annual Academy Awards were last night. The orgy of celebrites celebrating themselves was fairly predictable.

The four acting awards went just as everyone predicted with the one exception of Alan Arkin taking the Best Supporting Actor Award and leaving Eddie Murphy looking like he had just been sucker punched (which he kinda was). Jennifer Hudson took home the bald guy for Dreamgirls…duh. And Helen Mirren and Forrest Whitaker finished up their clean sweep of the movie awards season for their royal roles in The Queen and The Last King of Scotland.

There were a few memorable moments in the mostly boring broadcast. Ellen DeGeneres was entertaining in her first date with Oscar and Martin Scorsese finally won for Best Director after being The Academy’s favorite bridesmaid for so many years.

And in one funny moment, former VP Al Gore, who made an appearnace with Leonardo DiCaprio to ask everyone to turn off their lights and drive hybrid cars, was cut off by music just as he “decided” to announce his run for president in ‘08…a joke that was a little too well received by the house full of liberals with checkbooks.

While we’re all busy nursing our Oscar night hangovers Monday morning, the Anna Nicole Smith legal circus will be starting up again. And mark my words, its going to get nasty…er…nastier. Here’s your quickie catch up on what’s coming so you’ll be ready for the fireworks.

On Friday, Anna’s mom Virige Arthur filed a motion to appeal the decision to allow Anna to (finally) be buried in The Bahamas. Mama Arthur doesn’t know when to give up or when she has gone way beyond good taste and sense. So expect Anna to still be chilling in the morgue until someone tells her mom she won’t get any money from the corpse.

Also tomorrow the custody of baby Dannielynn and her inheritance will be up for debate. Mama Arthur is fighting Anna’s companion Howard K. Stern for custody saying she can provide a more stable home for the baby girl. That would be the baby she has never met from the daughter who didn’t want anything to do with her.

And finally, a Bahamian court will open the case of who owns the house that Anna and entourage were living in. Stern (when he’s not in court) and baby Dannielynne are still residing in the mansion known as Horizons.

So we’ve got a body, a baby and a house all up for grabs. And you thought your Monday was going to be boring.

Britney’s breakdown may do more for Kevin Federline’s career than their marriage ever did. In the wake of Britney’s week of self-destruction, K-Fed has suddenly gone from gold-digging pariah to sympathetic daddy. Talk about a reversal of fortune.

TMZ has his latest good deed:

Even after Brit’s umbrella-wielding breakdown outside his house, FedEx visited the fallen pop princess in rehab, reports People magazine. “Britney scared everyone pretty bad,” says a source. “Kevin just wants her to be OK.”

And all it took for K-Fed to redeem himself in the public eye was for Britney to shave her head, check into rehab (three times) and go demolition derby with an umbrella. Now if he can avoid the impulse to make another rap album or impregnate another woman, he should still be in the running for the “maybe he’s not such a loser” award.

Naomi Campbell has a new punching bag. Nope, she hasn’t hired another maid, she’s got a new man. Terrence Howard is willing to risk life and limb by hooking up with the violence prone super-model.

From The New York Daily News:

Now a source tells me the two plan to “come out” as a couple on Oscars night. “Naomi’s new main squeeze is Terrence,” says the snitch. “They are making their debut as a couple this weekend and will attend all the Oscar parties together.”

There is only answer Terrence needs to know in this relationship and it goes like this. “Yes, Dear. You are absolutely right. You are the Empress of the universe and still the most beautiful woman ever created. I am not worthy to lick your leather boots. Please don’t hurt me.” And if he’s ever late with her latte…well, I hope he knows how to duck and cover.

2007 is not shaping up to be a good year for Brandy. The star is being sued twice by the same family for her involvement in a December car crash that resulted in a woman’s death.

From WNBC:

A second wrongful death lawsuit has been filed against singer-actress Brandy because of a Los Angeles freeway crash in December.

The suit said unspecified injuries to the children will likely cause some permanent disability. Damages will be determined at trial.

This lawsuit is in addition to the one the family has already filed for $50 million. Yeah, like Brandy’s got $50 million. Do they not know that Moesha has been off the air for years? The family would be lucky to get Brandy’s crunched SUV. Unless baby brother Ray-J wants to front some the cash he got for that Kim K. sex tape…

My keen journalistic instincts have finally solved the great mystery of why traffic in LA sucks. You may think it has to do with too many cars, rotten public transportation and not enough freeways, but you would be wrong. Here’s your real answer…celebrites driving while smoking pot.

Now Mischa Barton may not actually be smoking a joint in these pics. It could be a carefully hand-rolled herbal cigarette, but either way she should really have both hands on the wheel…that’s just basic highway safety.

Janet Jackson looks like she has inherited big brother Michael’s plastic surgery addiction. She looks so fake now she could be a model in a wax museum. And what is going on with those boobs? Aside from the whole lopsided thing, there’s that icky flap of skin in the valley between the two giant silicone mountains. Is that where she keeps her extra nipple shields?

Apparently I am on some sort of breast fixation this weekend. I don’t know why, but the boobs just keep attracting me today. Maybe I have some closet lesbian thing I need to work on.

Leave it to Tyra Bancks to add lesbian groping to her list of ways to try to pull her self-indulgent talk show out of the ratings cellar. While interviewing guest Katherine McPhee, Tyra put a little too much girl into the whole girl talk thing when she reached out and squeezed Katherine’s ta-tas.

And Tyra’s comment on the whole fondling episode:

“I squeezed her boobs and they are real! They’re jiggly and soft.”

Wow, thanks for that bit of news. Maybe the whole sexiness of this is lost on me because I don’t have a penis and a vivid imagination, but can we ditch the ratings stunts now? This month Tyra has pranced around in a swimsuit to prove she isn’t fat, celebrated herself as the pinnacle of achievment for African-American women and groped another woman’s rack. I don’t think Oprah has much to worry about.

Oops. Guess what fashion lesson Patricia Heaton just learned…when standing in front of popping flashbulbs certain fabrics become see-through. And when you leave home in a see-through dress without your bra, you might as well jump into a wet t-shirt contest and try to make some money off flashing your nipples.

So, here’s Patricia attending the opening of the LA production of “Wicked” in a fugly green dress that does nothing for her except to show off how a good plastic surgeon can keep a middle aged woman’s boobs looking perky.