Jennifer Lopez isn’t feeling the love from one Latin music mogul. Ritmo Latino, a Spanish music store chain has banned all J-Lo’s CD’s after she reportedly refused to do personal appearances at the stores to promote her first Spanish language album.

Ritmo’s El Presidente David Massey said this about the diss:

“We’ve supported her from the beginning. Now we’re told by her record company she will only visit Anglo retail outlets…This is a Spanish-language CD, and if she wants to discriminate against the Latin community, then we will not sell her product. This is not the first time this has happened. Celebrities have this notion that when they reach a certain level of crossover appeal, they forget quickly where they started. We will no longer tolerate these situations.”

So Jenny from the block wants to stay in her high rise condo and wave to her adoring fans from afar. Maybe its all for the best. If she had gone back to the block for a personal appearance she might have forgotten the people were there to buy her CD and started asking them to wash her feet or clean her fur coat. And that’s just bad manners.

Courtney Love is showing off her skrinking bod on the beach. And I wish she’d stop. I’m all for girls being loud and proud when they drop some weight, but Courtney is looking less like a Slim-Fast after picture and more like a drug addict who’s two days away from the morgue.

Courtney’s rep told US Weekly that her weight loss is the result of yoga and a macrobiotic diet. Is heroin macrobiotic? Cause that so beats The South Beach Diet and I bet you can eat bread if you want.

Beyonce has won a lawsuit filed against her and her mom for failing to settle up on a merchandsing deal. Can we officially call Beyonce the “Teflon Diva” yet? This woman can stiff anyone and get away with it.

From The New York Daily News:

Greg Walker had sued the covergirl of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue for allegedly shortchanging him on a $15 million licensing deal he brokered with a clothing line.

Walker had accused Beyoncé of failing to pay him a penny after he arranged in 2003 to line up endorsement deals for the superstar singer.

So I’m guessing this guy has learned that a hug and a “sure I’ll pay you, sweetie” doesn’t count as a valid contract. But really he should have known better. This is Beyonce after all and that girl does not like to part with her pennies.

So the rumor is that David Beckham is quite the player off the soccer field as well. I didn’t know it, but Becks apparently has quite the roving eye. Wifey Posh clearly didn’t appreciate Becks checking out former model Kelly Killoren Bensimon at a recent dinner outing.

From Page Six:

Beckham was straining his neck to check Kelly out the entire time. Everyone at her table was commenting on it,” a witness said. “Finally, Posh got up and left, and she barely ate anything.” A rep for Beckham told us, “If David was checking anyone out, it was his wife.”

I just can’t find it in my heart to smack Becks on the wrist and tell him to keep his lust in his pants. Seriously, have you seen Posh recently? No wonder Becks is looking everyone but her. He’s probably tried of having sex with a woman built like skinny 10 year old boy wearing iron breasts.

Looks like Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have reached a divorce settlement. The slightly nutty Britney and newly reformed K-Fed are very close to being swinging singles again.

From TMZ:

Sources say that under the terms, K-Fed will walk away with around $1 million. As for their two kids, we’re told Britney and Kevin will have joint custody, sharing physical custody 50/50. The divorce will be final, with a judge’s signature, very soon.

In the past, when Laura Wasser, Britney’s lawyer, has settled a high-profile divorce, the parties file a “skeletal judgment,” which mean the specific terms will be omitted from the public documents.

Wow, the girl flips out, shaves her head, goes into rehab three times and K-Fed still can’t get out of the pre-nup? Brit’s lawyer should get a big, fat bonus. And shouldn’t the divorce papers really read that its really K-Fed’s nanny and Brit’s nanny will be sharing custody of the kids?

If Howard K. Stern isn’t guilty of killing someone, he’s doing his best to make it look like he did. The world’s worst lawyer has managed to halt the inquest into Daniel Smith’s death. Howie, if you didn’t do it, why are you stopping it?

From TMZ:

Howard K. Stern has temporarily derailed the inquest into Daniel Smith’s death. The judge in the case has put the inquest on ice for at least two weeks.

Stern’s lawyer argued the law allowing the inquest was flawed, because it was impossible to impanel a fair and impartial jury given the massive publicity surrounding the deaths of Anna Nicole and her son.

Is Howard really so desperate for his 15 minutes of fame that he’s willing to make himself look like a murderer? Because the only reason to stop an inquest is if you did it and you don’t want people to find out. So add this to Howard’s attempt to stop the paternity test on Dannielynn and you have the makings for a super-villian.

Folksy girl Michelle Branch recently stopped one of her own concerts to nab a stalker. The singer was reportedly on stage when she spotted her stalker in the audience.

From People:
“Michelle Branch just said, ‘Wait a second. There’s a guy in the audience - striped shirt and glasses - can somebody check him out?’ ” audience member Cali Haas, 20, of Sheboygan, tells the Associated Press. “It left everyone just so confused, like, ‘Is this a joke, part of the show?’ ” Haas added.

But it was not part of the concert. Dominick Giordano, 32, of Maryland, was cited for disorderly conduct after staff members at the Stefanie H. Weill Center for the Performing Arts stopped him as he tried to escape on Monday, according to police.

See, she’s a classy girl. If it had been me I would have been like “hey, see that guy right there…jump on him!” And when my adoring fans were pounding the crap out of him I would have been singing Puff the Magic Dragon..,cause I’m just that messed up.

Lindsay Lohan doesn’t need support…at least not for her boobs. The party girl extraordinaire was recently spotted by paparazzi bouncing around town. No really bouncing, the girl was once again boycotting the bra. And there must have been a flag nearby cause the Lindsay’s nipples were standing up and saluting.

And apparently Linds still hasn’t had a class on how to properly enter a car since she managed to do her trademarked spread eagle flash for the photogs. I don’t know if she’s wearing panties or not…I couldn’t bring myself to look that closely. If you can figure it out, send me a note.

Rose McGowan, star of the new stripper-with-a-machine-gun-for-a-leg flick Grindhouse, is not making friends with her co-stars. The Snow White (if Snow White was a freak) looking star apparently gave the Grindhouse girls a bit of a fashion smackdown. Rose reportedly told the other girls that no one else could wear red to the premiere.

From The New York Post:

“It caused quite a stir. The feeling is she’s self-obsessed.” Among the beauties ordered to do without red were Rosario Dawson, Jordan Ladd and Sydney Tamiia Poitier. But McGowan was in for a rude surprise when two minor cast members, twins Elise and Electra Avellan, paraded into the theater in bright red outfits. “It was basically a ‘[Bleep] you!’ to Rose,” said the source.

I don’t know if you can really claim diva status for a movie where you swing on a pole using a machine gun as an artificial leg. Oh wait, maybe that’s the long lost Shakespeare play that I missed in English class. My mistake, Rose is definately doing high art here. Diva away, girlfriend.

Christina Aguilera is as hot as hot gets, but what happned here? Is this the price you have to pay for looking that good? Check out Xtina leaving the Mercer Hotel in New York rocking the hairnet, old lady sweater coat and the world’s biggest scarf. She’s even got the granny dogs going on.

Now you all know that I have no problem ragging on Christina when she hits the red carpet in see-through dresses or skirts that barely cover her hoo-hah. But this crazy cat lady fashion is just sad. She looks like the cranky neighbor down the road who bangs on her window and yells at you if you walk too close to her lawn.

Howard K. Stern, Anna Nicole Smith’s companion/lawyer/possible (but highly unlikely) baby daddy is trying to postpone the big reveal. Howie just filed an appeal to delay the DNA test on baby Dannielynn.

From TMZ:

Howard K. Stern has filed an appeal in his ongoing paternity battle over Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter, Dannielynn, this according to “Entertainment Tonight.”

Last week, Stern followed court orders and drove Dannielynn to a lab for a DNA swab. Larry Birkhead also gave a sample.

So the spit has already been collected, the test is either done or will be done soon and Howie just doesn’t want anyone to know the results. Dude, get over it. Stall all you want, the results won’t change. You’re either the daddy or you ain’t. And we all know you ain’t, so suck it up and pack the baby’s bags.

Beautiful Halle Berry has been bordering on over-sharing recently. And I don’t just mean her overfloweth cleavage. The Oscar winner has opened up about a time when she tried to kill herself.

From People:

“I was sitting in my car, and I knew the gas was coming when I had an image of my mother finding me. She sacrificed so much for her children, and to end my life would be an incredibly selfish thing to do. It was all about a relationship. My sense of worth was so low. I promised myself I would never be a coward again.”

Let me check my sympathy meter…nope still on empty. Yeah, yeah, I’m a cold heartess bitch, I know. Bite me, I have to work for a living. Halle’s suicide confession just makes things awkward. I prefer to imagine my celebrities sitting in their Malibu mansions, sipping on margaritas and practicing their acceptance speeches. Oh wait, that is what they do!

Lindsay Lohan isn’t interested in taking her recently paroled daddy to a Father-Daughter dance. Everyone’s favorite party girl has told her ex-con Pops to take a hike.

From Page Six:

Lindsay Lohan finally talked to her estranged, felonious father, Michael Lohan, and told him, “You still haven’t changed. Don’t go near my mother ever again,” a source told Page Six. “It wasn’t the phone call Michael wanted.”

So the guy was expecting what? A hug, a condo and a BMW? Papa Lohan is going to be waiting a long time for little Lindsay to find a vacancy in her coat-tail clinging parental unit entourage.

David and Victoria Beckham are doing their best to jump into the Holly Hood lifestyle. The transplanted Brits partied the weekend away with P. Diddy at the Automat Bar. And they look like they barely made it out alive.

You know there comes a moment in all grown up lives when you hit the bars and realize that the music is so loud that you can’t carry on a conversation with your married friends, the kids on the dance floor are too young, and you waltz up to the bar and order a glass of white wine instead of a shot of Jaeger. That’s when you suddenly become old. Welcome to the old fogey club Becks and Posh…well, not Posh’s boobs. Those things will live forever. We’ll all be lucky if her nipples don’t break free and try to take over the world.

Tom Cruise has gotten so nuts that the descendant of a Nazi bomber doesn’t want him to play his grandfather in an upcoming movie about a failed attempt to assasinate Hitler.

Tom has been cast to play Claus Schenk Graf von Stauffenberg, a Bavarian colonel who attempted to assassinate Hitler by planting a bomb under a table, but missed and ended up killing four other people instead. Now there’s a feel good movie. But some of Stauffenberg’s family aren’t on board with Tom playing Gramps. Stauffenberg’s grandson, Count Caspar Schenk von Stauffenberg, believes the casting of Cruise will only be used to promote Scientology. Now where would he get an idea like that?

Fom MSNBC:

“I have nothing against [Cruise] and can even separate his work from his beliefs in Scientology…But I and other family members are worried that the picture will be financed by the sect and be used to get across its propaganda. Unfortunately, the family Stauffenberg can do nothing about this. My grandfather is a figure from history.”

Seriously when you’re considered to wacked to play a Nazi (even a heroic one), its time to get help.

Hottie model Petra Nemcova and elevator music singer James Blunt have called it quits. Rumors abound that James has hooked up with relationship toxin Lindsay Lohan and his bunkmate downgrade caused the kaput with Petra.

Can you imagine Petra finding out that she was being two-timed with Lindsay Lohan? I like to imagine that when Petra found out that James had crossed over to the Firecrotch, she just started laughing and said “have fun and wear a condom.”

What is going on with Paris Hilton’s boobs? Either this chick had some super secret plastic surgery done and had water balloons stuffed into her chest, or she has discovered the world’s most amazing push-up bra. And I’m not talking about some bra you can get at Victoria’s Secret. If you want a bra that magically gives you the kind of cleavage Paris has been sporting lately you’ve got to hike the Himalayas and bribe some 200 year old Tibetan monk to part with the ancient secret of the push together and up.

Britney Spears takes her church seriously. The freshly sober Britney wanted to get her spirituality on this weekend and when a paparazzo showed up and tried to get a pic of Brit at prayer, Britney’s bodyguard reportedly pulled a gun on the photog.

From Hollywood.com

Britney Spears’ weekend trip to church sparked controversy yesterday when a security guard pulled a gun on a photographer.

But the Sunday service was anything but peaceful after a security guard threatened to shoot a photographer who was attempting to get pictures of Spears at prayer.

Cause nothing says Hallelujah like threatening to shoot someone during Sunday school. Can I get an Amen?

Here’s one that will make you want to blind your mind’s eye. Bruce Willis is reportedly getting it on with Courtney Love. The oh-that-is-so-wrong couple was spotted playing tonsil hockey in Hollywood.

From The New York Daily News:

The unlikely couple were spotted in flagrante canoodle March 19 at the Roxy nightclub on Sunset Blvd. “They were full-on making out,” laughs a witness.

The venue was packed for a 9 p.m. performance by boozy Brit rocker Amy Winehouse.

How’s that for playing Russian Roulette with your penis? Making out with Courtney Love is more dangerous than waltzing with the bad guys in Die Hard 17.

So that’s what a kept man looks like. Check out Ross McCall looking properly helpless and ashamed as he waits for his sugar mama Jennifer Love Hewitt to withdraw his allowance from the ATM. And there he is staring at her ass while he waits. Maybe he’s calculating exactly how much time he’s going to have to spend on his knees to earn those bucks.