Lindsay Lohan’s estranged dad, ex-con Michael Lohan, is spilling the beans on his daughter’s drug addiction. And I’m sure Linds is just thrilled with that bit of news.

Super-dad told E!:

“I spoke to the people treating Lindsay, because I wanted to make sure she was getting the right care. And I’m satisfied they are doing the right thing for her, helping her detox from the painkillers and things. That’s a very important step. And I learned they use the 12-step program which includes a lot of lessons based on God’s teachings, so I was satisfied with that. First she needs to get clean, then she needs to let God into her life.”

You know usually it’s uber-stage mom Dina Lohan who jumps on any chance to cash in on Lindsay’s latest antics. Looks like daddy Michael beat Dina to the publicity ATM this time. Is it a coincidence that he’s talking about Lindsay in rehab while he’s also pushing plans to open a swank rehab center of his own? Yeah, thought not. He may say that he wants the best for Lindsay, but Dude, I’m not sure sharing the details about your daughter’s rehab is the way to win her back.

Wacky and sometimes slurred American Idol judge Paula Abdul was allegedly caught in a pity-party conference call. Page Six has reportedly obtained a transcript of Paula on the phone with a whole gaggle of pr peeps bashing her publicist Howard Bragman and having a full fledged meltdown.

Quotes of the call from Page Six:

I’ve never been treated this way and I’ve never seen anybody treated this way. This is just too much to stomach. I’ve been going through tremendous amounts of a difficult time…I do a call-in every week for OK! Magazine on ‘American Idol.’ Because of my brilliant job, they want to do a cover on me. I’m being told by Howard Bragman that I’m too old and no one will ever want to do a cover..I’m being tested. All I’ve ever wanted in my life is to be treated fairly and be treated with kindness. And I’ve never in my entire career been treated this way…Howard Bragman on Monday - he did some disgusting behavior. I had to go to Jimmy Kimmel with no publicist there. I go on with no publicist there and I pay this man…I don’t understand how this man can call me a whining bitch. I’ve never in my life been called a whining bitch and a loser.”

Wow, this is a connect the dots kind of ramble. Can you just imagine a room full of American Idol staffers sitting around a table munching on donuts and listening to Paula whine? My guess is they had her on speaker and there was one person designated to say “uh-huh, I see” every few minutes while the rest of them played Mad-Libs.

Looks like Lindsay Lohan’s much hyped Vegas 21st birthday bash may not be quite the party she was hoping for. With her DUI arrest, photos of her passed out and drooling posted all over the internet and now her return to rehab, sponsors are jumping off the Lindsay party train faster than you can say “underage drinking.”

From The New York Daily News:

Now other prospective partners, including Caesars Palace, the Social House restaurant at Treasure Island (in Las Vegas) and Pure nightclub, are wondering whether it makes sense for the star to head to Sin City straight out of rehab.

Pure Management, which is handling the birthday events, would not comment on whether plans are going ahead. “We think the world of Lindsay and wish her the best,” a spokeswoman said.

What’s wrong with Lindsay hitting Sin City fresh out of rehab? I mean she hit the LA club scene while she was still in rehab the last time and that all worked out just fine.

Matthew McConaughey has found the role he was born to play. Here he is on the set of his new movie Surfer Dude still looking ripped and still wandering around without a shirt. And no, I don’t really have a story here. I just want to look at my future husband showing off all his sexiness.

Maybe this is Matt’s way of doing his part to protect the environment. He’s saving hundreds of little cotton shrubs by refusing to cover up his manly chest. And let me just say thank you, Matthew.

Britney Spears may be typing feel good messages to her fans on her website telling them how her life is back on track, but all is not well in Britney Land. The recently rehabbed Brit was recently fished out of a hotel bathroom after puking all over herself.

From The Sun:

Out of it, she was overheard telling hotel staff: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Things aren’t going well for me at the moment.”…”Britney was found slumped over the toilet bowl with make-up smeared over her face and her wig hanging off. She had a room booked at the hotel but was too ill to stay and was begging her bodyguard to take her home. She looked a real mess and was sitting on the floor with her head over the bowl throwing up. There was vomit down the front of her black dress and around her mouth. Britney was on her knees and must have been sick four or five times. She didn’t really seem with it’ but I don’t know if she was drunk or not. The mother-of-two then had to be helped out of the hotel because she couldn’t stand up by herself.”…The source added: “It was really sad. Everyone thinks she’s getting back on track after her comeback shows but that’s clearly not the case. I think she needs proper help.”

Yeah, like someone to hold her wig when she yaks.

Wow, that Calum Best is a winner. His maybe girlfriend probably ex-girlfriend Lindsay Lohan gets her drunk ass tossed in rehab and he makes the news for doing the nasty with two hookers and a pile of cocaine.

The Sun has the scoop on Calum’s wild night:

The TV Love Island hunk was videoed during a frenzy of drug-fuelled depravity lasting three hours. Sex toys and a cat-o’-nine-tails whip were used as he: SNORTED lines of cocaine off a glass table while the naked vice girls looked on.LICKED the Class A drug off one hooker’s body and let both women pleasure him at once — before romping with each in turn. SHOUTED at one of them to “take a f*****g line” as drugs were laid out … Then he dropped his pants as the girls — who used a rolled-up banknote to snort coke off a glass table — simultaneously pleasured him. Calum necked vodka and wine as he switched partners or romped with both. Gripped by lust he used his mobile phone to film a girl pleasuring him — just as he did with MICK JAGGER’s daughter JADE. After nearly three hours the girls asked a complaining Calum to leave — only for him to demand they should “learn some manners”.

Yeah, cause rude hookers are just buzzkills. But I guess after seeing what Lindsay looks like after a night of partying (see below) can you blame the guy for trolling the streets for someone conscious?

Forgive me for stating the obvious, but Nicole Richie is freaky skinny. I don’t really like seeing thongs hanging out of jeans, I certainly don’t want to see ribs and collarbones poking through skin. Yuck.

Anyway, go figure, but I was left off the guest list for Nicole’s Memorial Day party. Want to know why…because I eat.

Here’s the invite:

From: Nicole Richie
Subject: Masha and Nicole’s Memorial Day Party

My fellow Americans its that time of year
To celebrate our country by drinking massive amounts of beer
Let’s stand together as one, live the American dream
Take shots, pass out, & wake up with our pants ripped open at the seems
Let’s glorify this day in your sluttiest tops and your tightest pair of tsubi jeans
Even though we have no fucking clue what Memorial Day really means!!
There will be a scale at the front door. No girls over 100 pounds allowed in. Start starving yourself now. See you all then!!!

Of course Nicole was joking. But not really. There’s not actually a scale at the door. Except for the huge digital scale at the front door with an automated voice that announces your weigh to everyone in the room. Unless you’re Nicole Richie and then the voice just says “Damn girl, eat something!”

Looks like Jessica Simpson and John Mayer are back together. At least together enough to fight in public and make each other look miserable. And if that’s not love, what is? But what an odd couple. John looks like a vampire lumberjack and Jessica looks like the understudy from Return to the Blue Lagoon.

Personally, I think fighting is like sex. Get off the streets, get a room and keep it down, some of us are trying to sleep.

Even getting busted for DUI, underage drinking and possibly drug possession wasn’t enough to slow down the Lindsay Lohan party train. Lilo partied the night away at Teddy’s and then stumbled out the club around 4am. The she promptly passed out. Her bud Samantha Rosen and the bouncers managed to get Linds into the car, but girlfriend was wasted.

And maybe seeing these less than flattering shots have finally given Linds the wake-up call she needed. Lindsay has checked back into rehab. This time reportedly at the Promises Center. And I don’t think they have an open door policy.

Here’s the official statement from the Lohan camp (courtesy of TMZ):

“Lindsay admitted herself to an intensive medical rehabilitation facility on Memorial Day. Because this is a medical matter, it is our hope that the press will appreciate the seriousness of the situation and respect the privacy of Lindsay as well as the other patients receiving treatment at the facility.”

Hey Lindsay, give rehab a shot this time. It might actually work.

Britney Spears has posted a new message for her fans on her website. A really long, and I mean really long, heartfelt, don’t listen to the tabloids and that bitch at Celebrity Rumors (I added that part), here’s the real me, kind of message. And did I mention that it’s long? Anyway, here are a few of the highlights. I’d cut and paste the whole thing, but you’d all fall asleep at your computers and I don’t want to be responsible for you waking up with keyboard face.

On rehab:

Recently, I was sent to a very humbling place called rehab. I truly hit rock bottom. Till this day I don’t think that it was alcohol or depression. I was like a bad kid running around with ADD.

No, Brit you were like a drunk on the loose in Vegas. On who’s to blame for her meltdown (because it sure ain’t her):

I had a manager from a long time ago come in and try to direct me and my life after I got my divorce. I was so overwhelmed I think that I was in a little shock too. I didn’t know who to go to….I feel like some of the people in my life made more of some issues than was necessary. I also feel like they knew I was beginning to use my brain for a change and cut some ties, so they wanted to be in more control of my life than me. I think it is actually normal for a young girl to go out after a huge divorce.

Hoochie flashing and head shaving isn’t normal for anyone. On how no one really understands her:

I just hope this letter made some of you think a little bit more of me and where I am coming from. I just want the same things in life that you want…and that is to be happy. It is just so weird because everyone has their own perception of me and how they think I really am.

No, I think we’ve got a pretty good idea of who you are Brit.

Someone go find that Japanese hero guy cause Cameron Diaz is about to go nuclear. Still not quite over her break-up with Justin Timberlake ex-girlfriend Cam and Jessica Biel, aka the new girlfriend currently hitting the sheets with Mr. Sexy Back, are both scheduled to present at the MTV Movie Awards.

From TMZ:

Cameron Diaz and Jessica Biel — the ex GF and current paramour of Justin Timberlake — will both be presenting at the upcoming MTV Movie Awards, reports Page Six, and handlers are doing everything “to keep Cam and Jess far apart,” admitting that the situation is creating “a mess.”…Says the source, “Cameron’s looking a little unstable lately.”

Of course we all remember that Cameron went ballistic when she spotted JT and Jessica getting all flirty at a party back in January. Personally, I think a confrontation will be good for everyone (and by everyone I really mean me and my fellow gossip whores). Get those feelings of abandonment and insecurity out in the open. Plus, Jessica would kick Cam’s ass and who doesn’t want to see that?

Former OC star Mischa Barton may not have a good reason for still being famous, because seriously skinny only takes you so far, but apparently she’s got a good reason to see the doctor.

From TMZ:

“…the former “OC” star was at a friend’s Memorial Day BBQ enjoying a few holiday cocktails when she began to feel extremely ill. Mischa, who has been quite sick with bronchitis since traveling to Cannes, London and Paris the past several weeks, apparently didn’t get the memo — you can’t drink alcohol while taking antibiotics!”

Now I’m not saying Mischa is toking up in the above pic, but does that really look like a good cure for bronchitis?

Is that the sound of angels singing? Is that a chorus of bells I hear? Raise your hands and say Hallelujah, people, Lindsay Lohan has been arrested. And it’s alcohol related. The hard partying, car crashing, fake rehabbing train wreck that it Lindsay Lohan has finally (finally!) been busted for driving while not even close to sober.

From TMZ:

In a press conference this afternoon about the arrest of Lindsay Lohan, cops say they found a “usable amount” of a drug at the scene, which they say was cocaine. Lt. Mitch McCann of the Beverly Hills Police Department would not say where the drug was found, but it was “not on her person.”

Police tell TMZ that 20-year-old Lohan and two other adults were in her 2005 Mercedes SL-65 convertible when she lost control and crashed into a curb and trees in Beverly Hills around 5:30 AM. After the crash, police say LiLo got into another car and was driven to Century City Hospital where she was treated for minor injuries that involved “something to her upper chest area.” Police said the two other people in her car were not hurt.

So Linds was driving drunk/high/both when she jumped a curb, took out some trees and bushes, then she leaves the scene and goes to a hospital (for what sounds like a bruised boob). Then the cops find her, arrest her, and let her go. And let me remind you, she still isn’t legal to drink.

What are the chances you or I could have gotten away with a bruised boob excuse? Unlikely. If it had been me, I would already be sitting in a cell on a steel bench squeezed between Big Bertha the nasty drunk and Lemonjella the crackhead prostitute.

Looks like Lindsay Lohan won’t be drinking vodka at her upcoming and already overly hyped 21st birthday bash in Vegas. Svedka Vodka was all set to sponsor the two day drinking and dancing celebration of all things Lindsay, but the company has decided to take its empties and go home.

Maybe it’s Lilo’s DUI arrest, maybe it’s the constant public mocking of an alcohol company sponsoring a supposedly sober chick’s party, but Svedka has pulled the plug on its part in Lindsay’s party planning. But how will Lindsay make Jell-O shots now?

This is how slow this holiday weekend has been for gossip whores like me. I am reporting (and yes I am using that word very lightly) on a rumor that Jessica Simpson may be preggers. And why do friends think that she may be baking someone’s bun? Because her already gigantic boobs look like they’re expanding.

From Fametastic:

A source claiming to be a close friend told the National Enquirer: “Jessica’s friends are astounded at how huge her breasts have gotten, and are asking each other if she could be pregnant.” While Jessica is always been known for her sizeable boobs, the friend insists they’ve grown further: “Her breasts are positively huge, and she really seems to be taking care of herself.”

Does the possibility that John Mayer knocked up Jessica Simpson frighten anyone else? That would be one pasty faced, big boobed kid. Which just isn’t good for a little boy.

So all the celebs must be at the beach or lighting up their bar-b-ques this weekend, cause there is nothing going on. So here are a few pics of do-gooder Angelina Jolie looking suprisingly pastel at the Ocean’s 13 premiere at the Cannes Film Festival.

Brad Pitt must be good for her because Angie is looking great. She’s lost that freaky brother-kissing, nothing but black in her closet goth style and looks incredibly sexy. Of course having Brad on her arm doesn’t exactly hurt either. Sure Angie still looks like she could whip out a pocketknife and steal your wallet before you could ask for an autograph, but that’s kind of cool.

Jessica Simpson is back to making a fool of herself where men are concerned. The buxom beauty was looking for buds at a recent VIP shindig in Cannes, but she got the cold shoulder instead. After Jess hit the Vanity Fair party she headed over to a swank yacht party, but when she didn’t know anyone there, she tried to glom onto Leonardo DiCaprio.

From Page Six:

The part-time girlfriend of John Mayer “spent the whole night following Leonardo DiCaprio around like a lost puppy,” said our source. “He just seemed freaked out and kind of ignored her.”

Frankly, I’d be a little freaked out too if Jessica Simpson was tailing me. She’s acting a little bit like that nerdy girl in high school that you said to once and suddenly she thinks you’re her best friend. And you know that chick is hard to ditch.

Looks like things are getting serious for Justin Timberlake and his hot bod girlfriend Jessica Biel.

From People:

The two, who were first linked at a Golden Globe afterparty in January, recently spent several days together in the U.K., where Timberlake was touring. (They holed up in Manchester’s five-star Lowry Hotel and took in a soccer match.)

And now “Justin’s in love,” a source close to the singer tells PEOPLE in its new issue. “She’s the coolest chick ever. He wants to be with her all the time. He’s ready to be serious.”

I’m sure that “coolest chick ever” remark just made Cameron Diaz’s day.

Rumor has it that Britney Spears was caught getting her swerve on with Reese Witherspoon’s ex Ryan Phillippe in the bathroom at the Les Deux nightclub. How romantic.

From The National Enquirer:

A source told the magazine that Ryan stopped by Britney’s table and “Britney had her arms around him.” She then allegedly followed Phillippe into the men’s room and, after getting worried, her bodyguards are said to have “busted in the door and found Britney and Ryan groping and kissing.”

I don’t even know who to feel sorry for in this story. Do we pity Britney because she’s so desperate that she’s getting felt up by cast-offs between the urinals? Or do we feel bad for Ryan who is trying to get over being dumped by his superstar wife by making out with Britney Spears?

Paula Abdul told the world that she broke her nose when she tripped over her itty-bitty chihuahua Tulip right before the American Idol grand finale. But conspiracy theorists are taking a break from their zapruder films to allege that Paula doesn’t really have a broken nose, but she does have a bad temper.

From Page Six:

But a source tells us it’s a coverup. “Paula did not break her nose. She had pitched a fit, threw something into a mirror or glass object, and a shard of glass struck her in the face, which explains why Paula’s nose didn’t seem swollen,” said our spy. A rep for Abdul termed the account “absolutely, categorically untrue.”

That nose sure didn’t look broken. Maybe a little embarrassed to be attached to a clapping seal on national television, but not broken.