How’s this for news that may throw the rational world off its axis…Britney Spears may not have been a lush and a stoner when she went into rehab. Britney is trying to get paperwork from Promises to prove that she wasn’t using when she entered rehab and that she only went because her mommy made her go.

From TMZ:

Sources tell TMZ that Lynne Spears, Kevin Federline and then-manager Larry Rudolph all pressured Britney to check herself in. We’re told Spears acknowledged having emotional problems after her second child was born, but strongly maintained she did not have a drug or alcohol problem.

Nonetheless, multiple sources say Federline threatened to go public by going to court to wrestle custody from her if she didn’t go to rehab. Sources say Spears could not withstand the pressure from her mom, Federline and Rudolph, and checked into Promises last February 20.

And the next thing you know scientists will prove the Bigfoot is really a fluffy bunny, gravity is optional and alcohol actually makes you smarter.

It’s a slow news and gossip day so I am forced to resort to random pics of sort-of celebrities. Here’s Leelee Sobieski at the Black Tie Boxing Event in New York City. I can only assume that when she read the invitation she thought the “black tie” part was a requirement to get past the bouncer at the door. There is just no other explanation for her totally out of place wedding neckwear. Well there’s always the standard no fashion sense and no access to a mirror excuse.

Is it just me or is Katie Holmes really starting to look like her hubby Tom Cruise? Maybe its the hair, maybe its the glasses, I’m not sure. But I will say that Katie sure hasn’t lost any time in dropping the baby weight. Is there a Scientology diet I don’t know about?

Anyway, here’s Mrs. Cruise on her way to a meeting at CAA in Los Angeles. I’m liking the billowly pirate going to a business meeting blouse, but I’m not a fan of the pants. Ugly color, ugly waistline. But that’s just me. And yes that is pretty much all that’s going on this weekend.

Hilary Duff performed on The Today Show looking like she wants to change her Lizzie McGuire image. I’m not quite sure what kind of dance she’s doing here, but she might need some hemorrhroid cream. I don’t know if I can get on board with a sexy Hilary Duff, she’s still a little cutesy and no amount of heavy eyeliner can change that. But I’m willing to give her a shot. If she can lose that whole squat thing that is.

So the bad news for Lindsay Lohan is those pesky police know how to do their jobs. The hanging out in rehab celeb could be looking at more than a slap on the wrist for her recent (sorry, her most recent) car crash. It’s being reported that Lindsay was not only frat boy drunk the night of the curb wreck, but she had been sniffing the mirror as well.

From TMZ:

According to multiple law enforcement sources, toxicology reports conclude that Lohan, 20, had “nearly twice the legal limit” of alcohol and traces of blow in her bloodstream when she crashed her 2005 Mercedes SL-65 convertible into a curb on Sunset Blvd. around 5:30 AM on May 26. In California, drivers with a .08 or higher are legally drunk. Police tell TMZ Lohan and two other adults were in the car at the time of the accident. After the crash, she was taken to a local hospital and treated for minor injuries, then placed under arrest on suspicion of DUI. Cops later said they found a “usable amount” of cocaine in the car.

We’re told that the Beverly Hills Police Dept. could present the case to the Los Angeles D.A. in the next few days.”

Maybe Paris has started a new trend and Lindsay will be doing her turn in the slammer sometime soon. In the meantime, here is Lindsay on another trip outside of Promises. And she must be staying clean because it looks like she’s trying to figure out if you can catch a buzz by sniffing pollen.

Here’s ex-con Paris Hilton trying to sneak into Maui for a vacation after her prison ordeal. Unfortunately her oh-so ingenious disguise didn’t work. Sure maybe the scraggly wig and straw hat would have kept her hidden from prying eyes…if she wasn’t Paris Hilton. I’m willing to bet that her disguise failed because when the security people at the airport told her she couldn’t bring her bottle of water through security, she opened her big mouth and told the guy “don’t you know who I am? I’m Paris Hilton” at the top of her lungs. And then when people whipped out their camera phones she struck her signature slouchy pose and did her best Mona Lisa smile. Then as she walked away she turned to the lackey carrying her bags and asked “how did they know it was me?”

Paris leaving jail…no disguise then.

Isaiah Washington isn’t exactly taking his firing from Grey’s Anatomy and the potential implosion of his career well. The unemployed and yet still talking actor has whipped out his deck of how to shift responsibility cards and has decided to plat the race card.

From TMZ (have I mentioned lately that I love TMZ?):

Former “Grey’s Anatomy” star Isaiah Washington talked to Newsweek recently, and he rips the show for firing him because, in part, he’s a black man “with a booming voice.” Actually, let’s let him explain: “It didn’t help me on the set that I was a black man who wasn’t a mush-mouth Negro walking around with his head in his hands all the time.”

Oh, and it doesn’t stop there. Isaiah says an HR person told him that “some people” were “afraid” of him around the studio, to which he replied, “Why, because I’m a 6-foot-1 black man with dark skin and who doesn’t go around saying ‘Yessah, massa’ and ‘No sir, massa’ to everyone?”

Holy Kunte Kinte, Batman! Dude, maybe people were afraid of you because you were throwing down with Patrick Dempsey and calling the gay guy a nasty name. Race has nothing to do with it…a bad temper and the inherent inability to keep your mouth shut does.

But just our curiosity, in a showdown between racism and homophpbia, which oppressed minority wins? Gee, let me check the cast list for Grey’s this fall.

Pics of the still employed Katherine Heigl…because I like her better.

Kevin Federline doesn’t want to sign the divorce papers. And it’s not because he wants his wacked out Britney Spears back, he wants to have it in writing that he can keep Britney from seeing their kids if she goes all loco again.

From People:

“Britney’s attorneys are anxious to see Kevin sign off on a divorce. But Kevin and his lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan are dragging their heels out of concern over reports of Britney’s post-rehab partying. [Federline] wants to make sure that the divorce document makes it simple enough for Kevin to downsize Britney’s access to her kids the next time her behavior troubles him.”

Do you know obnoxious you have to be to make K-Fed’s ass pucker? But here’s a tip for Kevin if he starts wanting the kids again. Wait until Britney goes shopping and while she’s parading naked in front of the paparazzi, bribe the nanny, she’s probably the only one who would notice the rugrats were gone anyway.

Pics of Britney campaigning for mother of the year.

Britney Murphy has always been a little bit wacky and honestly that’s part of her quirky charm. But now she may have crossed the line between wacky and just plain nutty. It’s rumored that Britney think she is being stalked by a high-powered Hollywood hotshot. Back when her boyfriend/fiancee Simon Monjack disappeared for 10 days, Britney thought he had been kidnapped and she told at least one employee that she couldn’t pay his salary because she had to fork over the ranson money. Told you…kooky.

From The New York Daily News:

“When he came back, he had head injuries,” says the former insider. “He was pale and sometimes had trouble standing.” Not only that, but the former staffer also claims Murphy said she was unable to pay him because the money had been used for ransom … Monjack, a screenwriter, is not short of enemies. Several anonymous sources have posted unflattering stories on the Internet about his past relationships. On June 13, a man identifying himself as Arturo Globenfeldt posted a message on Monjack’s Imdb.com page claiming he owes him $16 million in film investment money.

Wow. That is a little out there. Which is too bad because I kind of like Britney Murphy. But if she actually paid money for this guy, Britney might truly be “clueless.” Yeah, yeah I know…the joke was obvious.

Britney Spears will not be performing with Cyndi Lauper on her tour. Apparently to sing with Cyndi you have to actually…you know, sing.

From Metro:

Anyone hoping to see Britney Spears perform at Cyndi Lauper’s True Colors tour at L.A.’s Greek Theater on Saturday will be sorely disappointed. Spears’ choreographer, Misha Gabriel, told People magazine she would hit the stage with Lauper, Rosie O’Donnell, Erasure, Debbie Harry and The MisShapes. But a source told Page Six, “There’s no way. Britney said she would only dance or lip-sync - and to be on stage with Cyndi, you have to actually perform.

The good news is that Britney knows her own limitations. Girlfriend can still shake her money maker, but she isn’t up to singing. The bad news, everyone else knows it too.

Girl Power is back. Of course now its more like Mommy Power, but whatever. The Spice Girls are getting back together for a reunion tour. Hmmm…nope, still don’t care, but here are some of the details.

From The Daily Mail:

The girl band will kick off a world tour in America. The five - now all in their thirties - will start on 7 December in Los Angeles - the new home of Posh Spice Victoria Beckham and her family…The reunion tour, which is set to hit London on December 15 and take in Madrid, Koln, Las Vegas, Sydney, Cape Town and Buenos Aires among others…will certainly be lucrative for the Spices. They are expected to pocket about £10 million each.”

And in honor of this not-at-all anticipated reunion of lip-synching, tell the nanny to take the kids to soccer moms, I have renamed all the Spices. Robo Spice, Whatever Happened to Her Spice, Hippie Spice, The Blonde One and Gonna Make Eddie Murphy Pay Spice. You can decide which one is which…like it matters.

Did you watch Paris Hilton taking up cable space on Larry King last night? Looks like Paris is less than reformed if you ask me. Not only was she back to looking all fake and plastic…the ex-con heiress was lying through her veneers.

When asked if she had ever been addicted to drugs, Paris said no. Then when Larry asked her if she had ever taken drugs, she said no again. Puh-leeze! I guess that’s one of the side benefits to getting a nose job…it doesn’t start growing when you lie.

I am officially speechless now when it comes to Britney Spears. I am looking at these pictures of her dressed like a hooker working the docks when the USS Horny Sailor pulls into port and I just give up. And don’t think I’m, exaggerating too much here…do you see her basically stripping in the car in front of the paparazzi? Does she think that if she covers her face we won’t notice the fact that she’s giving the backseat a lapdance? Here’s what I noticed…no one is tossing Brit any singles for this show. I just can’t believe that she’s passing the minimum daily requirement for sanity anymore.

Looks what happened to Mandy Moore. The relentlessly sweet and wholesome Mandy hit the red carpet for the premiere of her new flick License to Wed looking all grown up and amazingly hot. Dumping Zach Braff and staying away from the pop tart pile-up of bodies that is otherwise known as Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson has been good for Mandy. Keep it up, girl.

Now that Paris Hilton is out of jail and busy telling everyone how horrible it was, the guy who let her out the first time is busy defending his decision.

Here’s what Sheriff Lee Baca said (in an attempt to stop being the most mocked guy in LA):

“Our doctors said we had no solution to Hilton’s medical problems. None. As a sheriff in this county, I’m not going to let any inmate die in this jail. What’s worth more: a person spending time in a county jail for driving on a suspended license or a person losing her life? She was at a place where we couldn’t fix whatever that medical problem was with the resources we have. We knew this problem was not going to get better. We were placed in a very unusual and awkward position with Ms. Hilton. … Everyone who goes in to serve county jail time is early released. If Ms. Hilton got preferential treatment, it’s that she spent more time in the county jail than the average inmate.”

Sorry, no sale here dude. You let her go because she was a sad celebrity.

And Paris herself told People magazine that she really is a changed woman after her prison ordeal:

“They’re wrong and they don’t know me. I’m a good person. I’m a compassionate person. I have a big heart. I’m sincere, and they’ll see.”

Well, since she has already been spotted rocking the hair extensions, three layers of make-up and her trademark swagger I’m firmly in the I’ll believe it when I see it camp.

There are a few possible explanations for what Britney Spears is wearing in these pics. 1) She doesn’t know how to work her washing machine and she just shrank every article of clothing she owns. 2) She went shopping in the toddler section. 3) She is a clueless has been desperate for attention and the only way she knows how to get it is by dressing like a skank. Go ahead, its multiple choice. Take your time, I’ll wait.

Maybe she just needs a mirror. A whole lot of mirrors. Full length, hanging in every room of her home and the biggest one should be next to her front door…and it should have an alarm that screeches and tosses a net over her whenever she approaches it dressed like this.

Why does Britney Spears even bother with clothes anymore? There is just no mystery left with this chick. Anyway, here’s Brit trying on clothes in the Jill Roberts boutique in Beverly Hills and not bothering to stay behind the privacy curtain in the dressing room.

I swear she could waltz down the street stark naked and no one would even give her a second look. They’d just shake their heads sadly and say “there goes that Britney again.” She’s like the exhibitionist equivalent of the crazy cat lady.

So here’s more proof that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are getting all smoochy and squishy. JT and hot bod Jess were spotted by photogs squeezing digits in Copenhagen. And I have to say, they make a fairly cute couple. Though I still think Jess could snap that Sexy Back in two if she caught him checking out other chicks. No offense to Justin, but Jessica is definitely the muscle in that romance.

Zach Braff ain’t a player…he just likes the ladies. The Scrubs funnyman who recently broke up with super sweetie Mandy Moore is striking back at those of us who have labeled him a cad.

From his blog:

I’m not sure when or why the tabloid angle on me was decided that I am a cad. I would have much rather it had been that I am secretly a dentist or that I love soup. I am in fact, merely doing what every other single 32 year old man in NYC is doing this summer. I am dating. If you must read that stuff, please don’t digest it as fact.

I love that he thinks there was a big meeting between all the tabs and bloggers to decide what “angle” we would take on him. It’s like he thinks we all sat around over coffee and donuts and debated whether we would spend all our typing time calling Zach Braff a horndog or if we should just call him a dorky guy who keeps trying to hit on hot chicks. Dude, where’s my thank you note?

Yeah, yeah I know. Paris Hilton is a free woman. She was sprung from the clink late last night and is now a reformed woman. Uh-huh. Nope, I don’t buy it either, but I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what she does next. My money is on cashing in on her prison ordeal, hitting the clubs and going back to her overly made-up plastic self. Personally, I like this normal looking Paris better.

And yes, I am probably the last blogger in the world to get these pics up. But what can I say? Looking at pictures of Paris Hilton wasn’t at the top of my to do list today. I had to paint my toes, scrub the toilet, take a nap, chat with a Jehovah’s Witness. You know, important stuff.