I love saying I told you so. Turns out I wasn’t just making sh** up when I reported that Nicole Richie is preggers. The world’s tiniest uterus is indeed currently occupied.

Nicole and presumed baby daddy Joel Madden recently sat down with Diane Swayer for an interview and confirmed that she is indeed going to be a mommy. Yawn…old news, sweetheart.

From TMZ:

ABC says in the interview, which airs on “Good Morning America” Thursday and Friday and on “20/20″ Friday night, Richie “speaks candidly about why this particular constellation of young female stars — Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears, among others — have behaved badly so publicly.”

Talk about expert testimony!

Hey, I remember Cindy Crawford. Lots of curves, cute mole, made a really bad movie with one of the Baldwin brothers. Well, here she is again and still looking good. Photogs got a few lucky shots of Cindy sunbathing topless. Well, to be fair it looks like she was trying to keep covered, but one of those pesky boobs just slipped out for a peek.

And it’s a good thing too…not just because it gives me something to post on an otherwise slow gossip day, but because that is one white girlie melon. That boob is so white Casper the Friendly Ghost is getting turned on.

The pics below are NSFW.

(photo courtesy of WENN)

Rocker and pharmaceutical wonder Pete Doherty was recently dumped by his now ex-girlfriend Kate Moss (for like the 20th time). But instead of moving on from the disaster prone relationship, Pete is using the media to try to win the skinny supermodel back to his needle tracked side.

From The Mirror:

[Pete] passionately declares: “I love her with all my heart. I like the way she walks and talks. I love her bones. I love her brain.”

Personally, I couldn’t care less about this relationship, but I just love the fact that some guy has the total lack of verbal inhibitors to actually say “I love her bones” about a ridiculously thin model. Cause let’s face it, there ain’t much else to this chick. That just makes me and my completely un-model like size 4 ass smile.

I’ve always known Rosie O’Donnell was kind of crazy, but whenever I read her pseudo-poem blogs, I start to worry that she’s going to wind up in a clock tower armed with a megaphone and volumes of bad haiku.

Anyway, Rosie has apparently picked out her next public celebrity fued buddy because yesterday she posted a new “poem” and smacked Paula Abdul around a bit. At least I think it was an insult.

From Rosie’s blog:

right now
paula abdul would yell action
and the result would be
what we all see

hey paula
we cringe
at r selves
thru u

Crazy fight! How fun! It’s like two mental patients going to blows over which one of them is really Eleanor Roosevelt and which one is a total poser.

Biug day for Britney Spears. The nutty pop tart is officially single again. Her divorce from Kevin Fedelrine was singed, stamped and made official today. The child custody agreement and Fed-Ex’s oh so manly taking money from my baby-mama agreement were kept sealed.

Also today, we got another sneak peek at Brit’s new music video for her single Get Back. And apparently the song is about a Hell’s Angel biker bitch who does a little pole dancing. At least that’s what I’m getting from the pics. Or maybe it’s about a washed up pop singer who desperately wants attention and will keep taking her clothes off until people notice her.

It’s a good thing Paris Hilton still has her Grampa’s money to fall back on, because at least one of her pseudo-careers is over. E! is reporting that the Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton fake reality show The Simple Life won’t be coming back for another season. Someone shout Hallelujah!

From E!:

“The Simple Life has been a wonderful addition to the E! Schedule for two years and we will always be grateful to Paris and Nicole for their hard work and graciousness.”

Wait, someone double check this for me. I thought we were talking about The Simple Life, but “hard work and graciousness” just doesn’t sounds like Paris and Nicole. Maybe there was some Amish show on E! that I missed.

So remember that story about Jessica Alba dumping boyfriend Cash Warren over the phone and then having her assistant pack him up and kick him to the curb? Well, it turns out that Jessica may have given Cash the heave-ho because the dude wasn’t ready to pop the question. And I don’t mean the “will you wear the Fantastic Four costume again tonight?” I mean the big question…the one that involves rings, a church and a big white dress.

From The Insider:

“He wasn’t ready for marriage, and Jessica is. It’s simple as that. It’s kind of cold that the press is saying she was just finished with him, because it isn’t like that. Seeing Eva get married made Jessica wistful. That was the reason Jessica seemed to be in a terrible mood in Paris.”

Come on, dude. Cash Alba has a nice ring to it.

So you may have heard that Paris Hilton was about to lose the only thing that made anyone care about her in the first place…her famiy funds. Metro ran a story saying that Paris Hilton’s grandfather, Conrad “Barron” Hilton has had enough of Paris’ very public bad behavior and he was ready to cut her out of his will.

But, alas, I’m sorry to say that TMZ has investigated the too good to be true karmic justice and they’re reporting that Paris is still in Papa’s good graces and, until Grampa Hilton comes to his senses, will inherit somewhere around $30 million.

Any chance that having her financial future secure will keep Paris from doing anymore acting…or singing…or speaking in general?

Looks like there’s a winner in the Kelly Clarkson vs. Clive Davis bitch fight. And the trophy goes to the old white guy with all the power. Despite all of Miss Independant’s public bravado, the original American Idol is back tracking on her “serious artist” stance and is ready to play ball wth her boss.

Kelly has publicly apologized to Clive for her part in their very public spat over her latest album My December (like when she called him old and out of touch) and has agreed to make a new pop album. This time Kelly won’t be writing her own songs, but will record songs picked out by Clive himself. So Kelly, how does that humble pie taste?

I bet right now Clive is paying a whole pack of songwriters to create songs with titles like “MY Boss is So Smart”, “He’s Right and I’m Wrong” and “Eighty is Sexy.”

Lindsay Lohan’s new movie has gotten plenty of press over the past few months. Between the leaked video and pics of Lindsay stripping and the tons of ink Lindsay gets thanks to her own general stupidity, the flick I Know Who Killed Me has been all over the blogosphere. But apparently free publicity doesn’t help much if the movie sucks. And according to reviewers, this movie sucks like a 10 year old with a Slurpee.

RottenTomatoes.com has compilied some of the reviews (Lindsay, honey, you might want to skip to the next post):

“No review could really do justice to the monumental trashiness of this mess; it really has to be seen to be believed,” Elizabeth Weitzman of the Daily News.

“Who could’ve predicted a bust for alleged cocaine possession, vocational self-destruction, and a general display of young Hollywood stupidity would be the career highlight of Lohan’s weekend,” wrote EFilmCritic.com writer Brian Orndorf.

Damn! If Lindsay wasn’t already off the wagon and swimming in booze, this probably would have made her put on a lime flavored bikini and jump right into a wading pool filled with Tequila.

Britney Spears is reportedly still on he fast track to a straight jacket. The stale pop tart reportedly has another public breakdown. Just last week Brit allegedly went loco on the set of her photo shoot with OK! Magazine. Now we’re getting word that Britney lost it while filming the mucis video for her new single Get Back.

From TMZ:

Sources told the Daily News that she seemed “disoriented” and “erratic” during the shoot for her new single “Get Back.”

The shoot, and Spears, had to be called off early.

Seriously, don’t they make little pink or purple pills for this kind of crazy?

So Lindsay Lohan may be a total trainwreck, but at least things can’t get any worse right? Ha! Wrong. The three guys who claim to have been in the car with Lindsay when she took off on her allegedly drunken high speed chase are looking to sue the “let’s hope she’s finally hit rock bottom” celeb.

From The Insider:

LINDSAY LOHAN is facing a potential lawsuit from DANTE NIGRO, JAKON SUTTER and RONNIE BLAKE — the three men who say they were passengers riding with her on the morning of her arrest. A rep for the men says if an agreement can’t be reached amicably they will present her attorney with a civil complaint.

In a news conference Friday morning, the trio’s lawyer said that they were there firsthand to experience Lindsay’s relapse, and “they never, ever expected to be in a car with her. It was a surprise to them.”
Although no lawsuit has been filed yet against Lohan, the trio are making claims that their “vehicle was taken without their permission and they were unable to remove themselves while traveling, [and they were] endangered in that way,” making it “false imprisonment.” They are also claiming, amongst other things, emotional distress and negligence.

You know, if I were ever kidnapped by a drunk celebrity, I would be punching my calculator and calling my lawyer the whole time we were breaking traffic laws. Stole my car? That’s a million. Made me pee my pants when you jumped the curb? That’s another million. Getting hijacked by Lindsay Lohan is probably the best career move these guys have ever made.

Yep. Nicole Richie is going to be wearing an orange jumpsuit and doing the bend over and spread ‘em routine that Paris Hilton mastered not so long ago. The skinny, yet still rumored to be pregnant, Simple Life star pleaded guilty to DUI yesterday in court and was sentenced to 4 days in jail. Well technically, 5 but she got credit for the time she spent locked up when she was busted. She was also fined just over $2,000 and ordered to attend a 21 day alcohol education course. Does it really take 21 days to figure out you shouldn’t swallow a Vicodin and then drive the wrong way on a major freeway?

Anyway, Nic gets to pick if she wants to do her time in city or county jail. And you know even when Nicole gets her jail street cred Paris is still going to be bossing her around, cause Paris did 45 days…she’s hardcore.

So Victoria Beckham and her hubby David were out shopping…well, Posh was shopping, David was probably following three feet behind and trying not to get his fingers bitten if he put his hand between Posh and anything with a designer label.

And in hilarious Hollywood style, the Beckhams bumped into Queen Latifah on their outing. And that just makes me cock my head to the side and go “now that must have been a fun conversation.” Of course that’s assuming that the two girls could get close enough to hear each other…face it, there’s a whole lot of boobage between them.

Good news, Naomi Watts finally popped and gave birth to a baby boy. And it is good news, not just because I get to write about something other than jail, drunk driving, and general Hollywood idiocy, but it’s also good news because I was really starting to worry about Naomi. That girl was huge! Sure, sure she was all glowy and maternal, but that chick looked like she swallowed a small planet.

Anyway, Naomi and her fiancee/baby daddy Liev Schreiber are the proud parents of Alexander Pete Schrieber who weighed in at 8 lbs., 4 oz.

Congratulations to the whole family.

So Denise Richards must be desperate for attention now that her divorce is old news and her relationship with Richie Sambora is over. Anyway, here’s Denise barely clinging to stardom by posing (a little too hard) in a bikini.

I don’t have anything against Denise, but these pics just seem totally unnecessary to life. Sure she looks good, but so do those cookies on my kitchen counter and you don’t see me dressing them up in a bikini and snapping away.

Hmmm…cookies.

Lindsay Lohan isn’t the only one with a story to tell about what happened the night of her latest arrest. TMZ has found and interviewed three guys who say they were with Linds when she took off on her allegedly less than sober car chase. Here’s the short version of their side of the story (many thanks to TMZ).

These three guys are out with the boyfriend of Lindsay’s assistant (the one who’s no longer employed) when they meet up with Lindsay. Linds, being the ever cool celeb, later has her assistant text the guys an invite to a party in Malibu that night. And what three buds would say no to that? So they head over to the party.

Later, Lindsay’s assistant and her BF go outside the house and have a tiff. Lindsay comes out and gets all mad at the assistant who has apparently had enough and says “I quit” which pisses off Linds. The assistant takes off and the guys get ready to leave in their GMC Denali. Well according to them, Lindsay jumps in the driver’s seat and starts chasing her assistant. One of the guys says he jumped out and that Lindsay ran over his foot (that’s got add some jail time!).

So Linds gets on Pacific Coast Highway and hits 100 mph and the guys are pleading with her stop, but Lindsay reportedly says “If you touch me I’ll sue you” and “I can’t get in trouble. I’m a celebrity. I can do whatever the f**k I want.”

So the assistant finally loses Lindsay, but Linds heads to the chick’s mother’s house in Santa Monica (see, never tell your boss where you live) and she hits the driveway just as the mom is pulling in. Well, moms freaks out and takes off and Lindsay starts chasing HER through Santa Monica. Mom heads to police stattion and Lindsay follows her (idiot).

One of the guys says that when the cops came to the car Lindsay said “I wasn’t driving. The black kid was driving.” Then she flunked her sobriety test and the rest is history.

One of the guys told TMZ “It was pretty much the worst night of my whole summer.”

And that ladies and gentlemen is how you completely f*** up your life.

Happy Friday. Remember, don’t drink and drive…or take three strangers hostage, swipe their car, exceed the speed limit while chasing a former employee, terrorize said employee’s mother, and don’t head to a police station when you’re wasted.

Britney Spears may be in big baby trouble. The loco Brit recently took her kids to Vegas and baby daddy Kevin Federline isn’t having it. Apparently, Brit needs to have permission to take the kiddies on a field trip…even to someplace as innocent as the land of slot machines, topless women and free buffets…and she reportedly didn’t get it.

From TMZ:

Us reports that Kevin Federline was “demanding” yesterday that Brit bring Sean Preston and Jayden James back to California from Las Vegas, because she isn’t allowed to take the kids away without written permission — and she didn’t have it. Says a source, “I’m sure Kevin’s lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, is mulling over how to handle this.”

More like he’s mulling over the new yacht he’s going to buy thanks to these two twits. Can you say “billable hours”? I knew you could.

Looks like Nicole Richie is going to be going the LA County Jail alumni association. The skinny celeb is reportedly ready to make a deal with prosecutors over her wrong way on the highway mess…and strip searches and orange jumpsuits will probably be involved.

From TMZ:

TMZ has learned Nicole Richie will appear in court Friday and will cop a plea in her DUI case.

Sources tell TMZ Richie will plead either guilty or no contest to DUI. She will appear before the Court Commissioner, who will sentence her on the spot. Sources say Richie will receive a minimum sentence of five days in jail. By law, anyone with two DUI convictions must serve at least five days. This conviction will be Nicole’s second DUI.

No word on whether Nic is going to try to use her still not official “get out of jail free” baby to sway the negotiations. Personally, I say throw some bars and guards around Hyde and lock’em all up.

Paris Hilton has a new accessory. The critter loving heiress just bought a Chihuahua puppy from Pets of Bel Air. This is the same store that sold Britney Spears her new Yorkie pup…so clearly this is the place to be if you’re a puppy looking for the good life.

Of course Paris has pissed off the animal rights people because she plunked down a bundle for a designer dog that may have come from a puppy mill (which to them is pretty much like buying a sweater knit by starving orphans in Guatamala) instead of heading to the pound and adopting a big ol’ drooly mutt who’s just happy to be alive…literally.

Anyway, I’ve decided that between the animals, the plastc surgery, the general wackiness and now this goofy hat, Paris is turning into Michael Jackson.