Wow, Hilary Duff looks…incredibly well endowed. Where did those giant jigglies come from? Either Hil got very round and very perky implants, or there’s a midget hiding in her dress pushing her boobs up. Personally, I’m hoping for the midget theory.

Oh and kudos to Billy Ray Cyrus and his daughter Miley for keeping their eyes off the overflowing cleavage getting pushed up and out in the middle of the Cyrus sandwhich.

No idea if this story is true or not, but since its about Tom Cruise and space aliens I’m giving it the benefit of the doubt. Rumor has it that Tom wants to build an underground bunker to protect him and his family from an alien invasion.

From The Daily Mail:

“Tom is planning to build a US$10 million bunker under his Telluride estate.” “It’s a self-contained underground shelter with a high tech air purifying shelter.” The facility is said to have enough room for ten people - including wife Katie Holmes, 17-month-old daughter Suri and his adopted children Isabella, 14, and Connor, 12.

I’m so confused. I thought the Scientologists liked aliens. Actually I thought the Scientologists were aliens.

Old pics of the Scientolo-fam.

I have never before posted pics or stories about Heidi Montag of The Hills fame. Why? Becuse she annoys me. Everything about her makes me want to reach into my monitor and slap her until her veneers fall off.

But I have given in to Heidi’s relentless publicity train simply because these pictures validate everything I have ever thought about the nitwit. Here’s Heidi running on the beach with one of those floaty things thinking that she’s just so sexy. Irritating bimbo.

So enjoy these pics while you can cause unless Heidi does something even stupider than this wannabe Baywatch thing, I won’t be putting up anymore. Or if people leave lots of comments begging me for more pics of her and tell me how beautiful and hot and witty I am. Then maybe. Or if you throw in some jewlery…then definitely.

Oh, the Mariah Carey stories just keep getting better and better. You thought the designated breast tape girl and the entourage of hairbrush holders was bad. Here’s one more glimpse into the diva-licious world that is Mariah Carey.

From The New York Daily News:

Mariah Carey, drinking deeply at VH1’s Music Cares event, invaded the ladies’ room with two burly bodyguards. Two women already there say her security tried to evict them, but they refused to leave. Says one: “One of the bodyguards said to us, ‘If you’re going to stay, you better not watch Mariah pee.’”

Now that’s just classic. Big, bad, roid rage guy says with a straight face (and a hand on his gun no doubt) “don’t watch Mariah pee.” Cause apparently he thinks that Ms. Mariah is so famous that everybody wants to watch her do the squat and hover.

Apparently since Pamela Anderson has hooked up with the sleezy Rick Salomon, the former Baywatch babe has gone into party overdrive and her wild ways are starting to worry some of her friends.

Here’s what the concerned buds told Page Six:

“She parties almost every night.”

“She drinks, she does stuff . . . and she’s got hepatitis C. Her liver is shot but she keeps living this crazy lifestyle. We don’t think she understands how serious this is. She has two kids and may not be around to see them grow up at this rate.”

You know, I totally forgot that Pammie has kids. She certainly hides the kids better than she hides her boobs.

Anyway, I’m sure we’ll all see exactly what Pam has been up to when Salomon releases the sex tape. Oh come on, you know he’s already made one…or two…or five.

Oh this is lovely. You’ve seen these pictures of Britney Spears stopping at a Quiznos to use the little girls room and being followed by paparazzi. Well, the rumor is that during this flashbulb fiesta, Brit-Brit asked one of the photogs to join her in the bathroom where she supposedly tried to bum a tampon. I know…ewwww.

Looks like there’s some debate about how much longer Lindsay Lohan is going to stay in sobriety hiding at the Cirque Lodge in Utah. The tabs are hinting that Linds may be ready to make a break for freedom, but her mom Dina is saying that Lindsay will be staying in the booze pokey.

From The New York Daily News:

A pal tells the Daily News the tamed wild child could be out as early as this weekend but her mom, Dina Lohan, is trying to put the kibosh on that rumor. “Access Hollywood” is reporting that show host and Dina Lohan pal Billy Bush e-mailed her asking if LiLo is indeed getting out of the Cirque Lodge rehab center in Sundance, Utah. Mama Lohan replied: “Not true, staying in Utah.”

I have to say, I’m fairly impressed that Lindsay has lasted in rehab this long. Dare I say that there may be hope for the mega-disaster otherwise known as Lindsay Lohan?

Summer may be ending but it takes more than a little chilly weather stop Hollywood hotties from rocking their bikinis. Check out Heroes star Kristin Bell shooting a scene in her two piece. Now there’s a job…sit around in a bikini drinking a margarita. Dude, that should be me. I totally majored in margaritas in college.

Personally, I don’t get all the hullabaloo about Natalie Portman. Sure she’s pretty enough, but every man with a penis that likes girls is all hot and bothered over Natalie’s newest short film Hotel Chevalier because Nat flashes her naked bottom and a little side boob.

Is it because she seems so aloof and untouchable? Is it some unshakable Star Wars fantasy like Princess Leia in the gold bikini? I mean here’s Natalie in some truly artistic work of movie magic and the only thing guys will be thinking is “Dude, that’s Luke Skywalker’s mom’s ass.”

So here’s Victoria Beckham at LAX looking like she’s trying to bring back Michael Jackson’s wannabe soldier look. Except Posh looks more like the General of an army of Nazi robots.

Anyway, fashion mocking aside, Posh is apparently disappointed that her career isn’t taking off that way she had hoped.

From The Daily Mail:

“Katie Holmes had been helping her with scripts and perfecting her acting but even that has not helped the situation. Victoria had hoped to be picking and choosing presenting roles too. She had wanted perhaps to guest host on Larry King - in the way that Heather Mills did. But that has not worked out either. She had been hoping that the documentary about the Beckhams moving to America would be made into a series, but it was cut right back too. Victoria had also set her sights on getting the cover of American Vogue but that too has proved elusive. Basically she pinned her hopes on offers of work coming flooding in but that just has not happened.”

Hmmm…coached on boosting her career by Katie Holmes. Gee, what could have gone wrong there? I mean Katie is an expert at…well…she knows how to…uh…hey, look at Posh’s silly hat!

Oh make up your damn minds already. Rumor has it that Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal might have reignited their super secret romance. Gyllenspoon was spotted at a party in honor of singer Rufus Wainwright at Carrie Fisher’s house looking all cozy by the fireplace.

From E! Online:

“Jake and Reese were sitting by the fire all night, talking,” a fellow party guest tells me. “Everyone was talking, laughing and celebrating Rufus, but they were deep, deep in conversation. It was like there was no one else in the world.”

You know, if you guys want your proivacy so badly, just tell us if you’re doing it or not and then people will pretty much leave you alone. Unless you go out to dinner together…or go shopping together…or touch each other in any way in a place where photographers can get a picture that will end up all over the internet within 30 minutes. Ok, I kinda get it now. Happy secret snuggles.

Lock up your refugees, Paris Hilton is feeling humanitarian. The princess of self promotion is planning to visit the war torn African country of Rwanda in November.

Here’s what Paris told E! Online:

On why she’s going:

“There’s so much need in that area, and I feel like if I go, it will bring more attention to what people can do to help.”

On her plans to do more humanitarian work:

“I want to visit more countries where poverty and children’s issues are a big concern. I know there’s a lot of good I can do just by getting involved and bringing attention to these issues.”

So basically, she doesn’t want to actually do anything except show up and smile to “bring attention” to the starving people standing around behind her hoping that Paris brought some bottled water and protein bars along with all of the cameras and clothes.

So Britney Spears really had to go and ended up leading a paparazzi parade through a local Quiznos. Mmmm…toasty.

From TMZ:

Looking dazed as she exited the bathroom — wearing boots (hooray for shoes, ya’ll!) — Spears was met by a flurry of photogs who tore the sub shop apart, pushing tables and chairs around to get a good shot of Brit.

Escorted through the madness by holding the hand of a photographer, an ever-observant Britney was heard saying, “You’re filming me as we walk.” She then hopped into her car, where her kids were sleeping in the back seat, and took off.

What is Brit’s attraction to public bathrooms? Does she have bladder issues? Seriously, I’ve seen old, rickety dogs who can hold it longer than Britney.

Uh-oh, Lindsay Lohan may have gotten jiggy with the wrong guy. Nope, not Wilmer or Calumn or any of those other poor life choices. It looks like Lindsay is being called out as the other woman in the sure to be messy divorce of a British zillion-aire and her husband…who was recently rehabbed at the Cirque Lodge. Aha!

From The New York Daily News:

Stephanie Allen, who is worth about $1.4 billion, leveled the charge in divorce papers filed against rocker husband Tony Allen, 39, front man for the less than memorable band Dead Stays Alive.

Exhibit A, which is attached to the divorce papers, includes articles claiming Lohan, 21, who has had an on-off affair with Calum Best, 26, started a relationship with Tony Allen while they were both being treated at the Cirque Lodge clinic in Utah.

Dude, how do you blow off a billion dollar sugar mama to hook up with Lindsay Lohan? Someone send this guy to stupid rehab.

Of course, Lindsay might not be the homewrecker in question. Maybe there’s another chick who was reportedly caught having sex with a fellow rehabber and had the story carried in magazines and Hollywood watcher websites. Hey, its possible…use your imagination.

So there’s a movie version in the works of the DC Comics Justice League of America and the going rumor is that Jessica Biel may be getting ready to wear the patriotic leotard and the shiny gold bracelets.

But I also hear that Christian Bale won’t be Batman and Brandon Roth won’t be Superman…so is there going to be a superhero throwdown on the red carpet? A battle of the costumed crusaders?

From ComingSoon.net:

Jessica Biel is in talks to play Wonder Woman in Warner Bros.’ all-star superhero film Justice League of America, reports Variety.

George Miller (Happy Feet) will direct the big screen adaptation. Kieran and Michele Mulroney wrote the script.

Ok, there’s no way this movie will be any good so let’s just skip that part. Here’s what’s really important…Jessica Biel is getting way too skinny. I liked her better all buff and scary, now she’s looking kind of gaunt. And the ultra dark hair and pointy collarbones aren’t helping. Someone get this Wonder Woman a cupcake or two.

Photo courtesy of Flynet

Paris Hilton has a new accessory. The aimless heiress has recently been sporting a tall, blonde guy on her arm. Paris’ latest boy toy is reportedly a Swedish tourist named Alexander von Zweigbergk Väggö.

Here’s what he told The Sun about meeting Paris:

“I had a totally different picture of her before that. I was impressed she was so focused. I love to be in her company.”

Yeah, this won’t last. There’s just no way Paris will be able to deal with having a boyfriend who’s prettier than she is.

Merry Christmas…ok, it’s a little early for that, but this is still a post that will convince you that even on your worst day, you’re still not nearly as nuts as Britney Spears.

Brit’s former bodyguard and current blabber mouth, Tony Barretto gave an interview to News of the World and here are some of the highlights:

On a rumored overdose

“On the surface of the dresser, I could see mounds of white powder and a straw on top. I suspected it was cocaine or powdered methamphetamines. By the side I spotted a glass pipe, which I knew from my drugs training was often used with crystal meth….I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Britney was completely out of it. We thought she’d overdosed. She was distraught, crying. Her skin was all waxy. She looked so ill. We tried to speak to her. My fellow bodyguard and Alli were so worried they wanted to get hold of a medic to detoxify her. We were panicking. We thought she was going to die.

There was talk about where to put the detox line it was that serious—through her arm, which would make fans think she’d been injecting, or through her neck.

On her mommy style:

He also told how she kept Jayden James and Sean Preston up late so they would sleep through the mornings and not wake her. If they woke early, a member of staff dealt with them.

Tony said: “Britney does love her kids but she is a fickle mum. When the kids are happy, she’s happy. When they’re crying or unwell, she’s not sure what to do. She speaks to them in weird, creepy, baby voices, in made-up languages, which they just don’t get. All it does is unsettle, upset and scare them. Often she would scream and cry uncontrollably. Imagine what that is like for young children.”

On the nudity:

“It’s the strangest thing, she likes to expose herself. I think part of it is she likes to embarrass people and make them feel uneasy. Before I even started working for her, I was warned about her stripping. I must have seen her naked dozens of times and each time I’ve been extremely embarrassed. She strips off anywhere—at home, recording studios and clubs. Even at the dance rehearsals, she took all her clothes off in front of me and then bent over, not even to pick anything up. I felt my ears burning and turned my head to the wall.”

Yeah, so that day that I woke up, blew a month’s pay on shoes, binged on Chunky Monkey, hit the clubs, went home with that Brazilian sailor and ended up losing $100 and my favorite black lace panties…still not even close to Britney’s kind of wack.

Hey, look at that baby belly. I guess Nicole Richie really is pregnant. And apparently ready to get a tan on that baby baker of hers.

So here are pics of Nicole and her fiance/sperm donor Joel Madden in Hawaii. And judging by his too cool for swim trunks attire, I don’t think Joel is quite up to speed on the newest fashions in men’s beach wear.

Looks like there may be some superhero lovin’ on the set of Heroes. The going rumor is that the cheerleader may be dating her uncle. That’s right, newly legal hottie Hayden Panettiere is reportedly getting snuggly with co-star Milo Ventimiglia.

From OK! Magazine:

For weeks now, handsome Heroes co-stars Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia (now known collectively as “HayLo”), have been sparking rumors of a relationship, with reports of her split from long-time beau Stephen Colletti and the pair’s closeness at various events. One friend of Milo has revealed to OK! that “they’re definitely dating.”

Ok, this makes no sense to me. Hayden is all tough and fun and that Milo dude just looks like he’s a broody whiner with a Hamlet complex. Plus he plays her uncle on tv. Maybe its just me, but even fake incest is kinda creepy.

I always knew Paris Hilton was a buzz kill. Now I have proof. The German organizers of Ocktoberfest, otherwise known as the mother of all drinking parties, have banned Paris Hilton from showing up to their orgy of alcohol.

From E! Online:

Munich locals complained that their annual bender was “selling out” by having celebs shill during the big swill. But probably the key reason for banning Paris was that last year she was pimping her own brand of canned wine. For Bavarian beer snobs, canned beer is blasphemy, canned wine an abomination.

Love it! Paris Hilton is officially so irritating that she can ruin a kegger filled with guys in German folk costumes.

Update: Ok, so I can’t spell goofy German words. Apparently there’s no C in Oktoberfest. Thanks to helpful commenter Reggie. See, I read them!