Looks like Britney Spears’ former bodyguard is ready for his fifteen minutes of fame. The big mouthed ex-Brit protector apparently isn’t shy about sharing all the sordid details of his month long job as Britney’s big guy.

From TMZ:

In an interview with the News of the World in both print and on video, Tony “Fat Tony” Barretto makes numerous and specific allegations about the popwreck, and details her bizarre behavior as a mom and employer. He claims that she allowed her boys to walk around the pool unsupervised, that she would often forget to feed them, and she “would scream and cry uncontrollably” in front of them. What’s more, she would talk in gibberish — Brit-ish? — that would confuse and scare the kids.

Barretto also charges that Britney “burps and farts a lot,” but insists to her staff that she “can’t be disgusted by your breath.” What’s more, she tromped around in the nude all the time — but staffers had to “act coy.”

So she forgets to feed the kids and doesn’t worry too much about them falling into the pool. And so she likes to prance around in her birthday suit. Hey, a guy could overlook all of that for a good paycheck…but burping and farting? Oh no, that won’t do at all. There are some things that are just totally unacceptable.

So I told you that Mariah Carey looked great at the Save the Music event in her clingy purple dress. And she did. But let me tell you a secret…Mariah had help. Lots and lots of help.

From TMZ:

Gatecrasher reports that Carey required nine staffers to perform “a ballet of maintenance” on Mariah all night, including one whose only job it was to “dispense breast tape” and yet another who was wearing a belt with brushes and hair spray. And then there was the one who brought portable hot rollers, just in case.

Nine assistants. That’s the entire Brady Bunch…or a baseball team…all hovering around one diva who needs a new record.

And how exactly do you list “bitch in charge of breast tape” on your resume? Executive in charge of control and containment of large objects? Professional boulder wrangler?

Still no official word on whether Jennifer Lopez is actually preggers but a recent list of demands by La Lopez has gossip sniffers speculating even more. J-Lo is in the UK promoting her latest album and the tabs are going nuts over a list of demands Jennifer sent to a posh hotel.

From TMZ:

Reports Page Six, just before arriving at the Dorchester in London, Jenny from the Block faxed over a request to the luxe hotel for “two humidifiers, two fans, a room set at 80 degrees, Jo Malone candles, white or red roses, soft-baked chocolate chip cookies, sour cream and onion chips, regular chips, veggie platters, plain M&M’s, sunflower seeds, Ritz crackers, Dentyne Ice gum, spicy brown mustard, mayonnaise, Smartwater, caffeine-free Coke and Red Bull.”

Wow, I heard that pregnancy makes you crave weird stuff. Sour cream and onion chips and mustard? No wonder she needs the gum! Talk about a junk food junkie. Is J-Lo pregnant or stocking a vending machine?

Aging rock star and lover of Hollywood hotties Richie Sambora is back in rehab. The Bon Jovi guitarist has reportedly checked into the Cirque Lodge rehab center in Utah.

From TMZ:

This is the second time this year Sambora’s been to rehab. This past June, after the traumatic break-up of his marriage to Heather Locklear and his split from girlfriend Denise Richards, Sambora spent a week at the UCLA Medical Center in Los Angeles.

And you know who else is hanging at the Lodge…that’s right Lindsay Lohan. Hmmm…Richie Sambora around an attractive actress and Lindsay Lohan around a musician. Sounds like a recipe for sobriety and chastity to me.

Old pics of Richie and the last girl who dumped him.

Super pregnant Salma Hayek has finally popped. The actress who traded her hot clothes for maternity tents gave birth last week to a baby girl named Valentina Paloma Pinault.

From TMZ:

“Mother and child are doing well,” her publicist said in a statement.

Are we sure there was only one baby in there? I mean Salma was huge…like Discovery Channel huge. But in a Mother Earth, aren’t pregnant women beautiful, glowing kind of way, of course.

Anyway, congratulations Mama Salma.

Hollywood has a new hook-up. “It” girl Scarlett Johansson and makes my mouth water hot bod Ryan Reynolds are reportedly ready to come out of the celebrity dating closet and go public with their sure to be glamourous red carpet coupledom.

From MSN:

After months of surreptitious spit-swapping, Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds have finally decided to take their schmoopiness public. Snappers caught the twosome clasping hands Monday as they landed at Los Angeles International Airport, with both kitted out in standard celebrity camouflage gear — goofy hats and sunglasses. The stacked starlet and the ripped actor, who were first seen locking lips last spring, were returning from a trip to his hometown of Vancouver, British Columbia, where People reports they enjoyed a romantic candlelit dinner a deux. Rhapsodizes an eyewitness, “Scarlett radiated joy.”

Dude, have you seen Ryan’s abs? I’d radiate joy too if I got to go home and slide on those ripples.

Oh no, George Clooney is broken. Quick someone call Brad Pitt.

From TMZ:

George Clooney was involved in a motorcycle accident this afternoon, when his cycle was hit by a motorist. He was treated for a hairline rib fracture and road rash at Palisades Medical Center in Palisades, New Jersey.

Sarah Larson, who was riding on the motorcycle with Clooney, suffered a broken foot. Clooney and Larson were released shortly after being treated.

Now I’m not going to say that gorgeous George is old, but there comes a point when men past a certain age need to give up riding around on motorcycles with hot chicks. Dude, you’re George Clooney, you don’t need to work at the sexiness. Spring for the limo. You’ll still get laid, but you won’t have to stop by the ER first.

Wow, check out Mariah Carey looking all Barbie in this skin tight puple dress. I didn’t know they made helium filled breast implants. Don’t get me wrong she looks great, but I’m surprised she didn’t have to buy an extra seat for all that boobage.

Photo courtesy of Flynet

As if the threat of losing her kids and her career wasn’t enough to drive poor Britney Spears to snarf down an entire bag of Cheetos (the jumbo size of course), now the imploding pop tart is facing jail for a hit and run.

Remember way back in August when I told you that Brit had been snapped by paps hitting a parked car and then taking off (see exhibit A above)…well, cops have filed charges against the car dinging Ding-Dong.

From The Associated Press:

LOS ANGELES — Britney Spears’ legal woes mounted Friday as prosecutors charged her with misdemeanor counts of hit and run and driving without a valid license after she allegedly smashed her car into another in a parking lot in August. If convicted, the singer could face up to six months in jail and a $1,000 fine for each count, said Nick Velasquez, spokesman for the city attorney’s office….

Robard-Rifkin, a 59-year-old registered nurse, learned it was Spears who had hit her car through a video posted on the celebrity Web site CelebTV.com.

That’s right, celebrity gossip sites do more than just entertain you. We fight for truth, justice and the American way of busting celebrities for their utter stupidity.

Check out Brit looking all serious in her hornrims as she carries Sean Preston. I’d say that it’s weird that she’s sucking on a pacifier in the last pic, but this is Britney we’re talking about, so I’m not all that shocked…unless she’s eating it and then…no not even then.

Oh look, more pictures from Jessica Simpson’s new movie Major Movie Star. Are you so captivated by all the leaked photos that you’re ready to line up outside the theatre so you can be the first one to see this sure to be a classic? Wait, you’re not? You mean the cheap marketing ploy isn’t working?

Anyway, here’s Jessica filming a running scene. Run, Jessica, run. Now sit down in the chair with your name on the back and be waited on by the production staff. Oh yeah, I smell an Academy Award…for the bra that’s keeping Jess’s jigglies from bouncing up in her face.

Photo courtesy of Splash

Wow, how would you like to roll over in the morning and see that staring back at you? There just isn’t enough Listerine in the world to wash that taste out of your mouth. For those of you still staring at your monitors in disbelief that is indeed former Baywatch babe and Playboy Playmate Pamela Anderson.

Now check out Pammie with her war paint on in the pics below. See, this is why make-up artistis get paid so much in Hollywood. Freaking magicians.

Who knows if Paris Hilton will actually build that half way house she promised when she was still smelling like prison food, but that doesn’t mean that Paris isn’t doing all she can to help those less fortunate.

From SF Gate:

“I have, like, a million clothes and more than 500 pairs of shoes, so I’m going to give a bunch of them to orphanages and children’s hospitals. I never wear something twice.”

Cause every mom wants her 5 year old to dress like Paris Hilton. And let me just add that Paris also has, like, a million dollars in her couch cushions. Don’t you think the kiddies might like the food and medicine the cash can buy a little more than last season’s hip high stillettos boots.

Look, Angelina Jolie is so into her United Nations work that she brings a mini-UN with her in her SUV. Oh wait, that’s not a midget security council, that just Angie and her rainbow family of gloabl love and harmony.

And while Angie may still be a little too skinny, the girl must have some major muscles hidden under those baggy clothes. Check out Angie carting Zahara and Pax around like a teamster and still wrangling big guy Maddox. And not a nanny in sight. Guess Angie does her own mommy stunt work.

Uh-oh, sounds like golden girl Scarlett Johansson has been listening to too much of her own good press. The “in almost every movie ever made” Scarjo has reportedly turned up the diva-ness on the set of her latest flick He’s Just Not That Into You.

From Us Magazine:

A source tells Us that on her first day, the star, 22, had a driver shuttle her the 100 yards to the set, while costar Drew Barrymore simply walked the distance. (Johansson also asked for three assistants to shield her with umbrellas.)

A production source says, “We prefer talent use vans when filming on public streets, and Scarlett has only been professional.”

Professional. Hmmm…that doesn’t sound overly enthusiastic. You know, in terms of Hollywood probability it was just a matter of time before Scarjo’s ego started to match the size of her boobs.

The rumor about Jennifer Lopez being preggers has suddenly spawned another rumor…that Jenny from the Block is on the outs with her mom.

From TMZ:

Rush & Molloy say that when a reporter asked Mama Lopez about Jenny’s possible pregnancy, she sounded indifferent: “You know more than I do. I don’t talk to her very often. I don’t see her often.”

Ouch. That doesn’t sound good. Maybe Mama Lopez finally got tired of keeping up with Jenny’s merry-go-round of marriages. She’s too busy trying to figure out who her current son-in-law is to worry about a grandbaby.

Booty-licious Kim Kardashian is rumored to be ready to flash her most famous side (that would be her backside of course) in the pages of Playboy. Kim K. has already done all the posing for her Playboy pictorial now ass men everywhere just need to wait for the big debut of her big…well you know.

From TMZ:

Usmagazine.com reports that The Tush will in fact “show one boob, and her bare butt” in her 12-page pictorial, which is “one of the longest spreads Hef has done in a long time,” says a source, who adds that the final snaps were chosen yesterday.

Well of course the spread is 12 pages long. One shot of her caboose probably takes up four pages.

So more pics of Jessica Simpson’s latest flick Major Movie Star have mysteriously found their way to the internet. You’d think Papa Joe would have figured out by now that just leaking pictures from a film doesn’t get people all excited to see it. Hello Blonde Ambition anyone?

Anyway, here’s Jess acting all drunk and lonely outside of a recruiting office. Gee, I wonder what will happen next? Wait, I forgot, I don’t care.

Heroes cheerleader Hayden Panettiere may be taking her television superpowers too far. The hardcore hottie reportedly threatened to go all Sylar on a reporter from Us Weekly when she spotted the chick on the red carpet at the Emmy Awards. Apparently Hayden didn’t like a story the mag ran about her recent romantic break up.

From TV Guide:

Anyway, it was the unbreakable Hayden Panettiere who threatened to “kill” a staffer from Us Weekly over something she wrote about her in a recent issue. (Sources have since confirmed that it was this item that had HP’s barely legal panties in a bunch.) Just when it looked like Hayden was about to pull a Sylar on said reporter’s skull, her quick-thinking publicist grabbed her and scolded, “Not on the red carpet.” It was a classic Hollywood moment — and one I predict will be streaming all over the Internet by week’s end.

Oh dear, have we seen the end of the sweet and innocent Hayden? Once you threaten to bash a reporter, hitting up Winstons and flashing your pom poms can’t be far behind.

The twisted romance of Rose McGowan and her Grindhouse director Robert Rodriguez has gone to the next level. The two are reportedly engaged.

From Page Six:

Spies in L.A. report she’s been showing off a new diamond engagement ring from director Robert Rodriguez. McGowan met Rodriguez on the set of “Grindhouse” when he directed her as a peg-legged ex-stripper in his half of the double feature, “Planet Terror.” He was soon divorcing his wife.

Awww…I just knew the whole having an illicit affair with a chick you hired to play a stripper with a machine gun for a leg on a film where your wife is the producer would work out. I mean, really, it’s like a fairy tale. I think I just read that story in a Hans Christian Anderson book. Yeah, it was called The Homewrecker and The Adulterer Make it Legal.

Photo courtesy of Flynet

The Britney vs. Kevin fight for the kiddies isn’t the only custody battle brewing in Hollywood. Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards are still swinging in their demolition derby courtroom brawl. Seriously, how long has this been going on? Aren’t those girls in college yet?

From People:

“[Denise] believes that Charlie has significant personal issues which he has failed to address and which require her to take action to protect her children,” says lawyer Neal Raymond Hersh. “This is not a vindictive action. Any responsible parent in Denise’s shoes would go to the ends of the Earth to protect her children.”

But in papers obtained by Access Hollywood, Richards accuses Sheen of “inappropriate behavior … and conduct,” including “his attraction to underage women and his sexual explicitness on the Internet, including revealing his private parts.” Richards seeks to stop Sheen’s overnight privileges with their daughters.

Damn girl, you might as well have called the guy a pedophile. That’s harsh. Sounds like Denise has some serious issues of her own to deal with…bitter ex-wife issues.