Paris Hilton struck a pose outside the Ed Sullivan Theater last night. She was there to do The Letterman Show and promote her new, soon-to-be DVD flop, The Hottie and The Nottie. Remember her last Letterman appearance? Yeah, that went well. I think she almost cried. But you know Paris, she is a real emotional trooper. Especially when it comes to trying to delay her movie’s annual trip to Blockbuster.

But she is hot. And Canary yellow is her color.

So.

More Paris Hilton canary pictures

Apparently Sam Lufti is now in charge. Which is odd since it seemed just yesterday that Lynne Spears was up in arms over him encouraging Britney to buy a car instead of going to get help. This time though it looks like Lufti skipped the sidetrip to Universal City Nissan and headed straight to the nutward. And furthemore, he is now in charge. Like really in charge.

TMZ says, We’re told her dad had gone ballistic back then, screaming and swearing at Lutfi — even pushing him — in front of Britney. As to what paperwork was signed, the cleanest thing would be if Britney signed a durable power of attorney, giving someone power to make medical decisions on her behalf in an emergency. We are told no such document was signed, but somehow Britney made it clear she wanted Lutfi to make those decisions.

Wow.

Ok, take a moment. Let it all sink in. Britney Spears just signed away her life. WTF?

E! Online says, Lutfi was said to be key in making it happen, even over the objections of the singer’s recently reunited mother, Lynne.
“The scene inside the house was chaos,” the insider continued. “Lynne was shouting at police. She didn’t want them to take Britney away at first. It was a zoo.”

This is a total disaster in wait. Ok, yeah, I get that its been a disaster for some time now, but this really seals the deal. She isn’t even in charge of her life anymore and the guy that is doesn’t get along with her more than half the time. White padded walls, wow.

And why not just commit Lynne while you are at it? She drives me crazy.

Apparently Michelle Williams gave Heath Ledger the boot because, well, he liked to party. A lot.

Page Six says, He was partying, doing drugs. She didn’t like the company he was keeping. She gave him an ultimatum. . . . and threatened to get custody of the girl. He wanted to make it work, but it was this scene he was wrapped up in. Was he an addict? Yeah.”

And so it all comes out, as expected. The more to the story portion of things. Unfortunately, it really doesn’t matter if drugs actually contributed to his death, people will just assume so for the rest of eternity.

More from Page Six.

“Once you go down that road, then it gets really scary. Because all of sudden you shoot up, you take heroin, then you do a line of cocaine and then you take sleeping pills. Look at River Phoenix, he died exactly the same way.”

Supposedly a youtube video exist of Ledger blowing rails, but that seems nowhere to be found this morning.

Crack as in a%& crack. Not Amy Winehouse crack.

These pictures are super hot. I may go out and buy her album now. And listen to it.

Just kidding, I just want to see her nudes. Yeah, she’s an artist, she’s really smart….blah. What does her tits look like? I like to get down to what is really important when it comes to female celebrities.

More Avril Lavigne bikini pictures.

US Weekly says, We called it a rumor yesterday, Angelina Jolie being pregnant. Well, an obvious rumor. And now it is more and more obvious to the rest of the shallow world.

One SAG attendee tells Us in its latest issue, on newsstands now, “It was so obvious she was pregnant. You could clearly see the bump’s outline.”

If the baby comes out as African decent, I am going to laugh because that would be controversial and ironic. And funny.

Ok, that isn’t going to happen. But hey, one can wish for dramas? Anyways, another hot starlet bites the dust. Jessica Alba is pregnant also. So this pretty much sucks. I really don’t want this blog to be overrun with pregnancies. Hopefully this is just a phase.

That is all I need for a title.

Alessandro Ambrosio.

I would kill a midget if I could be one of those people touching her in the picture. How on earth does one come across that job?

We are looking for motivated individuals willing to touch supermodels on the buttocks 8 hours per day, Mon - Fri. You get two fifteen minute breaks and a 1/2 hour lunch.

I wouldn’t take the breaks. Seriously, I wouldn’t even take the lunch. I would be too freaked that some smuck would jump into the buttock touching rotation and I would be moved to lining up chairs duty. I think I would actually sleep on the set in the lawnchairs. I would never leave all week while the shoot was going on.

I would be a shoe in for employee of the month.

I can’t believe how hot she is. It kind of sickens me.

Here are more Alessandro Ambrosio bikini pictures.

Apaprently Cruisentology has money. And lots of it.

NY Daily News says, Cruise, whose net worth is upwards of $250 million, is known to have an affinity for fast vehicles, including motorcycles, Porsches and planes. Some estimate the actor spent $1 million in 2006 on fuel alone.

That’s a lot of cash. Maybe now he can raise the production level of his Cruisentology videos? You know, the ones where he acts like he is the leader of Jonestown? I would start by changing up the music and getting a new, fresh and even more whacko voiceover guy.

Katie Holmes actually looks good in this picture, but nothing like her form in Dawsons Creek. Cruise ruined her. She is too skinny now, probably from al the stress that being a Cruisentologist comes with.

Or so the word is on the street. Apparently Adnan Ghalib test male enhancement products. Yes, he test penis pills. Now I can totally understand the appeal Britney Spears has to him. You see, Britney is crazy and crazy bi$%tches like to have sex. A lot. It makes them feel better about themselves.

Here is an excerpt:

Occupation: Filmmaker.
Tell Us a Little Something About Yourself:
I work in “the” industry in Los Angeles and I know many of my friends use these products. Thought this would be an interesting opportunity to reveal the truth to many men worldwide.

How is he a filmmaker?

Oh wait, I just answered my own question. Penis enhancement, Britney Spears and a filmmaking career. To think the entire time the answers were right in front of us.

At least I can’t imagine it has anything else on its mind in this picture. Another day, another Britney Spears meltdown.

People says, Wearing brown high heels, cutoff shorts and a plaid fedora, Spears then seemed to downplay the incident, saying, “I’m fine. I’m . . . having a nice time with my dog.” (She later hopped into a car with another photographer, Filipe Teixeira, who gave her a lift to Ralph’s supermarket in Studio City, before bringing her home. He and another photographer pal were then invited inside, where they spent the remainder of the night.)

I particularly love how Adnan Ghalib comes to her rescue wearing a $900 tshirt with a matching jacket that cost God knows how much. Yeah Britney, he isn’t concerned about the fame, he just wants to help you and look good while doing so. Your world is fantastic and in logical order.

Here is more.

The family reunion didn’t last long, however – as Spears, clutching a bag, bolted from the mansion, says a source. She hopped into a car with Ghalib and the two sped off.
Their getaway hit a speed bump, however, when their car got a flat tire. (Spears is no stranger to vehicular malfunction.) The two pulled into a Chevron to pump air into the deflated tire, then returned to the Summit house – where mom Lynne, and the two photographers, still waited – at around 11 p.m. (Ghalib left soon afterward.)

Why can’t Britney get a car that doesn’t get flats or break down? I have an old car. It has never had a flat. Or even broken down for that matter.

More Britney Spears pics.

But why when it is just easier to wear a preggo dress to a major media function. So I guess Angelina Jolie is having a little Pitt. Why not? Jessica Alba is pregnant so why not ruin the last of the hotties in Hollywood? I think this just gave me morning sickness.

What is wrong with the African baby farms? That deal was working out for all of us. Why throw a hitch into things? The way I look at it Angelina is that you are now leaving some poor African kid to die, or worse, attend Oprah’s school.

This seems totally selfish to me. What about guys like me that depend on new pictures of you for “things.”

More Angelina Jolie pictures.

Feeling like life has you down? Well my depressed friend, meet Amy Winehouse. She spends $1000 a day on drugs and somehow, she still will not die.

News of the World says, “I want Amy to grab this opportunity in rehab so we can have a marriage and future together. Because the way she’s going I really fear I will come out of prison to no wife.
“I dread my cell door being opened and the chaplain informing me, ‘Amy’s dead.’
“I have that nightmare three or four times a week.

Opportunites in rehab are this: you meet other people that share your same affinity for said hobbies. Like doing blow, and apparently a lot of it. Amy Winehouse just makes me feel better about myself, like things just aren’t that bad. Sometimes I get depressed about being a loser and somehow Amy Winehouse encourages me abysmal reality.

Outside the Millennium Studios. She shoves her chest out. I could think of worse things to watch. Like watching my dog lick his prostate. That would be worse. But not by much, at least watching nature is somewhat fulfilling. Plus it seems more artistic than Britney Spears dancing.

You be the judge.

Page Six says, “Having presented these selective and out-of-context excerpts with the intent of creating both controversy and ridicule resulted in people searching for Church of Scientology Web sites,” a rep for the faith told Page Six. Scientology turned up on the “most searched for” lists of various search engines.

Of course, now people are joining the Church of Cruisentology in groves, I am just so sure of it. This was meant to be, or rather strategic, anything but a total catastrophic public relations failure. If all else fails, remember kids, just say it was marketing.

Don’t forget to check out the Jerry O’Connell Tom Cruise Parody, really a delight.

I would be surprised if Tom Cruise future movie sales didn’t plummet. He is such a walking catastrophy.

Crazy is hereditary. At least if you connect the dots between Momma Spears and the two Sister Spears.

Life and Style says, And even after seeing her older sister shuttle in and out of rehab and have her children taken from her, Jamie Lynn’s risky behavior didn’t stop. “She’s been known to smoke and drink,” says a pal, though her rep says Jamie Lynn currently does neither. “She’s starting to remind friends of Britney,” adds the pal.

Well, to be fair, Britney Spears has like three personalities. Jamie Lynn is just having a smoke and a beer while pregnant.

Wow, I just realized how crazy that makes Britney. Her sister can smoke and drink while pregnant and I will view her as normal in comparison to Britney. The crazy bar has been raised to an astounding level for Jamie Lynn, is she up for the challenge?

At this pace, I predict Jamie Lynn gives birth to one of those miners from The Hills have Eyes.

He was young, but even young people die of natural causes occasionally.

TMZ says, The reason they think that — it’s now appearing that the level of toxicity (from medication) in Ledger’s system was low enough that it may not have caused his death. These sources say Heath’s heart stopped. It could have been a heart attack but it’s not certain, at least not yet. Although it’s bizarre that a 28-year-old could die of natural causes, it happens.

Pauly Shore thinks it was the Olsen Twins that killed him. I guess Pauly Shore is desperate for his opinion to start counting again. Funny how the world works, a great actor and sincerely nice guy like Heath Ledger dies randomly and jerkoffs like Pauly Shore just keep breathing away. The world is simply not fair.

The autopsy is still be performed, so no official word on all this. But if you read the initial reports, he really didn’t seem to have much more than anti-anxiety pills and some allergy medicine. But one thing is confirmed, Pauly Shore is still alive.

And he supposedly wants 2 million.

News of the World says,

Clip 1:
Britney sitting on her bed wearing a nightie. She talks about herself in the third person and rambles about her childhood. She’s heard saying: “When Britney was a child, she had to work really hard. When she was 13 years old, she won all the beauty pageants.”

Clip 2:
Brit wrapped in a white bath towel, again perched on the edge of the bed. Talking to thin air, she mumbles: “Britney has an angel looking out for her, don’t you, angel?”

Clip 3:
Britney talking to Adnan, who’s holding the camera, and calling him by his pet name Bubba. She smiles: “I’m really happy. Bubba’s here for me now. It’s all good.”

Clip 6:
Britney crying hysterically after a night out. Mascara stains her cheeks as she wails: “Britney wants to live. I’m not crazy. I miss the kids and I did love Kevin.”

You will notice that clips 4 and 5 are missing. Adnan says he intends to hold on to those and shop them at a later date. Apparently all the tapes show Britney Spears essentially being crazy. Shocking, I totally can’t believe it. I really want to see this crazy ass b$%tch on Barbara Walters. I think she is really due for some kind of a historical interview. I mean, this really can’t last all that much longer, one has to think that a bottle of pills awaits as her fate.

At least that is what this picture looks like. She looks like she is made of plastic. I don’t think the bobb hairdo really works for Tara, mostly because her face is just weird now from all the drugs. Also, I think her face is suffering from the strain Tara puts on it by trying to think. When she thinks, her face gets all stiff and tense.

Remember when Tara Reid was hot?

Yeah, me neither.

Look closely at the pictures, I really think she may even have split ends. She is a celebrity, my God, don’t they have a decent hair stylist? Maybe this catastrophe happened in Australia, those people don’t really have all that much style. I am pretty sure the MTV Beachhouse isn’t in the cards for Tara Reid this summer.

More Tara Reid Pictures.

How much oil did she use to achieve this look?

Answer: Who gives a f*&k. It is really hot.

So stop asking stupid questions. Wow would I love to have a wrestling match with her, both of us covered in baby oil, the sliding, slipping, …. ok, enough from me. But seriously, look at her skin, it’s perfect. She is a true hotty, bless her heart. Long live baby oil. I think it might be time for me to take a flight down to Brazil, they must have something in the water down there that makes girls even hotter than they already are.

Brazilians are already the hottest girls on the planet. If they can now turn our chicks hotter, I am moving.

Here are some more pictures of oiled up hotty, Hilary Duff.

Here we go again. First, you have a young, budding starlet on the way to glorious, role-model female actress success.

Then you find pictures and she becomes a …. oh.

Well, Miley Cyrus has taken a page from Lindsay Lohan and has the pictures to prove it. I mean, it was just last week that Lindsay Lohan was flashing her butt on the street.

These Miley Cyrus pictures sure show that this girl can party. Wait until she is 22 and hitting all the Hollywood clubs.

Oh the vicious starlet cycle.

And I am not talking in terms of fashion emergencies, I am talking about the masseuse at Heath Ledger’s place calling Mary-Kate Olsen rather than the actual 911. You know, 911, the number you call when someone is pretty much dead.

AP says, A day before a Friday private viewing for the 28-year-old actor, police said the masseuse spent nine minutes repeatedly ringing “Full House” actress Mary-Kate Olsen before calling authorities for help.
The masseuse called Olsen a fourth time after paramedics arrived — at the same time as Olsen’s security guards.

Ummmm…yeah, Mary-Kate probably couldn’t save a gold fish in a shallow bowl of water, much less help in a life or death situation. I wouldn’t call Mary-Kate Olsen if I was at Pier One Imports and couldn’t decide between those weird wine glasses and the normal ones.

I would however call her if I thought I could have sex with her. I would definitely call the Weeds star then.

More Mary-Kate Olsen pictures.