Ashlee Simpson

Hey, look, it’s one of the Olsen twins! Oh wait. No, not sickly enough. Hilary Duff? Mmmm…no, not disproportionate enough. Is that…Ashlee Simpson? It is??? Creepy. Didn’t she used to look like a person — ie. not some amorphous conglomeration of other blonde Hollywood girls?

Warning to all confused groupies, stay away from Ashlee Simpson’s man. The new nosed Simpson sis and boyfriend Pete Wentz were at a party at the Chicago Hard Rock Hotel when a few girlies got a little too close to Pete for Ashlee’s comfort. Though why anyone would want to get close to that guy baffles me.

From Page Six:

Simpson refused to let any girl come between herself and her man. When female fans tried to take their pictures with Wentz, Simpson “got whiny and dragged him away,” a spy said.”

How does this guy even have fans? Are we sure that it wasn’t like a group of Japanese tourists who were trying to ask for directions?

So last week US Magazine threw a Hollywood hotness fest. It was basically just a bunch of celebs sitting around congratulating each other for being pretty. A true meeting of the minds in the Holly Hood. And don’t think I’m just being bitchy because I wasn’t invited. It was actually called US Magazine’s Hot Hollywood Party.

So here are some of the folks that were deemed worthy by US Magazine. Lindsay Lohan was there (no word how many casualities her driver caused getting her there). Jennifer Lopez received the Style Icon of the Year Award (so she showed up with metallic eyeshadow and a cadaverous hubby on her arm). Ashlee Simpson and Carmen Electra were both looking pretty good on the red carpet. And of course Paris Hilton and her wonky eye showed up looking really pissed off about something…maybe the monkey bit her again.

See, now it’s just like you were there.

Look, B-listers mating in their natural Hollywood habitat. Don’t get too close…they bite. Not that anyone cares but Ashlee Simpson and musician Pete Wentz are dating.

From People:

They must be really close friends: Ashlee Simpson and Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz spent Saturday night kissing and cuddling at the new L.A. hot spot Parc.

“They definitely weren’t hiding the fact that they were together,” said one onlooker. “They were making out a lot and they were pretty intense.”

Snooze…I got more excited when Ashlee showed up with her new nose. I’m going to ignore this one until they break up. Or maybe until Pete files a restraing order against Papa Simpson…cause eventually someone will. Or maybe until Jessica steals the guy away and Ashlee stomps her feet and screams “Jesscia, Jessica, Jessica!”

Ashlee Simpson gave her cleaning woman a Christmas bonus of used clothing. You know, if I had to clean up after Ashlee, I would have preferred cash and anti-bacterial lotion.

From In Touch Weekly:

When Ashlee Simpson moved recently, she discovered how many barely worn outfits from designers like Marc Jacobs, Juicy Couture and Calypso she owned. Rather than let the clothing remain in the back of her closet, the singer gifted a number of the outfits to her cleaning woman, Maria. Maria, who hails from Brazil, was so thrilled by Ashlee’s generosity that she sent some items back home for her family. “It makes Ashlee feel so wonderful to be able to give something back,” says a pal. “It’s truly what Christmas is all about for her.”

Maybe Ashlee should have kept the designer clothes so she could stop going out in public looking like a bag lady.

Oh, shame on me. This was a truly generous and kind thing to do and maybe Maria really was thrilled with the low rise jeans and skimpy tops. I’m sure the leather pants will be oh so comfortable as she is scrubbing Ashlee’s puke off the bathroom floor.

Buckle up people, Joe Simpson may blow a gasket when he hears this. Are Ashlee Simpson and her new nose cuddling up to Taye Diggs? Page Six reports:

Taye Diggs, who married his “Rent” co-star in 2003, was spotted “cheek to cheek” with Ashlee Simpson at G Spa last week. They took tequila shots and were intimately whispering and intertwining arms for a half hour. A rep for Simpson says she and Diggs are “just friends.”

So Ashlee may have the hots for a married black man? Can I tell overly involved and vaguely disturbing Daddy Simpson? Can I please?

And is it just me, or does Ashlee look a whole lot like Marica Brady right now? Ashlee, Ashlee, Ashlee!

Ashlee Simpson must know that she will never be famous for herself, and will always be a shadow of her sister. At least that is the way I interpret these words that she said about the musical "Chicago":

“The play is absolutely all about celebrity and wanting to be famous and having your name in the papers and your picture in the papers, and, in that sense, it’s been kind of cool because I’ve really got to connect to that, because I’ve seen that world and been in that world.”

Admit it, sweetie… you may be cute and what not, but you will never amount to anything.

Ashlee Simpson is cute and she knows it, and she has decided to let the world know by wearing this t-shirt that states so.

If it were her sister Jessica wearing the shirt, I would have some sour comment about it, but being Ash, I have to agree that she is right: she’s such a cutie!