David Hasselhoff

David Hasselhoff is so happy he could go for a run on the beach wearing little red shorts. The former Baywatch star and current America’s Got Talent judge has been awarded custody of his kids. This is a big deal because David was also the star of a home movie where he was drunk off his ass and slobbering all over a burger.

From TMZ:

Hasselhoff won primary physical custody and sole legal custody of the former couple’s two daughters. Sources day Pamela will have the kids from Friday to Sunday every other weekend. She could also have dinner with the kids Wednesday night, but that’s it.

Sources tell TMZ a special master (a psychologist) appointed by the court interviewed the family extensively and determined that Pamela was abusive to her kids and refused to submit to drug and alcohol testing. The Hoff has voluntarily agreed to submit to alcohol testing.

Well this sounds like a happy and not at all dysfunctional family. The judge should have just put the kids in the custody of the talking car from Knight Rider. We all know KITT was the brains in that operation anyway.

David Hasselhoff is furious after lurid details of his divorce leaked out to the media.

The information regarding the former David’s split from his estranged wife Pamela Bach was inadvertently entered into public record after a Los Angeles hearing on Wednesday.David’s lawyer Melvin Goldsman fumed “We’re all outraged. This was a horrible mistake on behalf of the court. David would never intentionally release anything that would be hurtful to his children. He’s quite disturbed about this.”

Among the 66 leaked pages are claims that Pamela tested positive for cocaine two months ago and allegations she was intoxicated at their daughter Taylor Ann’s ‘Sweet 16′ party last May.The paperwork also claims she was unfaithful on a number of occasions, abused his actress partner and had problems with drink and drugs.

Haley Hasselhoff, the 14 year-old-daughter of David Hasselhoff, has taken to the hospital last night for what her father reported to be a suicide attempt.

But things don’t seem to be as dramatic as David put them. According to TMZ, Pamela Bach, the girl’s mom is saying that Hasselhoff lied to the cops in an attempt to bring her down:

"Bach says her daughter was scratched by the family cat Sunday night at around 6 p.m. She says her daughter was crying uncontrollably, so she called David and suggested that it might be appropriate for the girl to see a psychologist on Monday. At that point Bach claims David began ranting that he would call the police and bring her down."

Oh, those family dramas! Doesn’t it suck when people get a divorce and get so bitter to each other?