Jessica Alba

Actually, I haven’t a clue what they are saying, they will not allow me within 1 mile of them. Judges orders. But if I had a guess, that’s what they would be saying. I love the lollipop gig, I mean, she might as well have place a sign on her forehead that reads, “need media attention.” Jessica, the big boobs are doing the job, you don’t need to suck the lollipop. Although it is pretty hot and yes, I did post the pictures of it right here on celebrityrumors.com. I am shallow like that.

More Jessica Alba pregnancy, lollipop pictures.

 

One good thing, and only one good thing has come out of the new Jessica Alba preggo body.

Her breast.

Her big, voluptuously  large breast. The new strip club upper body rendition of Jessica Alba was showing off in a parked car over the weekend. No pictures of the douchebag fertilizer, hot chick killer, was to be found. Maybe he was out impregnating Eva Longoria and ruining her.

More Jessica Alba big breast pictures.

 

And standing next to Rihanna at a Fendi event in Paris doesn’t hurt either. Man, if Jessica Alba can just keep the very nutritious look going after the pregnancy, we might all come out as winner.  As you can see though, the road from here on out is a downward path. Unfortunately, we may never get the original Jessica Alba back. We can hope, but that is all we can do.

Rihanna looks great as usual. Hopefully she isn’t pregnant, but if trends hold true, well, you know…

More pictures of Jessica Alba pregnant in Paris.

 

The baby bump is showing, thankfully the bigger more voluptuous breast on Jessica Alba are covering it up. For now.

If this is a race, I really hope the breast win. I mean, I know that the thought of Jessica Alba having big african tits isn’t appealing, but what is less appealing? Her having a big round stomach. Not cool. If Jessica stayed as is forever, I would be really happy. I like the rounder look, particularly in the breast region. Gives her more of a that Latina look, like Jennifer Lopez or Eva Mendes.

More Jessica Alba breast pictures.

Extra says, “Definitely a lot more emotions!” she confessed. “Anything could make me incredibly angry or break down crying, and that’s not something I’m used to.”

She also admitted that she’s already dreaming about baby.

“It had to do with breastfeeding, which is the only thing I’m paranoid about, more than giving birth,” she revealed, adding that she’s trying not to gain too much weight during the pregnancy.

“I try and eat healthy as possible, good for baby, exercise, as long as i don’t’ gain too much to fast, that’s the key,” she said.

The bad news is that Jessica Alba is now a moody b@#tch. The good news is, ironically, it isn’t my problem. Hey, I would put up with it if it meant impregnating her. I do like the fact that she is already planning to snap that body back in place. Good girl.

Maybe I should help you Jessica, with the breastfeeding fears you have. I can, you know, give you some warm up rounds. I will start slow and gradual get more aggressive. By the end of the day, you will be totally comfortable with the breastfeeding process.

More pictures of Jessica Alba. Lots of them in fact. Douchebag not present.

What the hell is this guy laughing at? I don’t find this funny in any way, shape or form! What an a**hole. Does this douchebag not understand the seriousness of the situation? He has to be the only guy in the world that finds this funny. Ok, I know what some of you are thinking, but her boobs look awesome! No, no they don’t. Sadly, they only serve as foreshadowing for a fat Jessica Alba. Sure, they look nice, but I actually think they were better smaller.

Not much time left at all. Soon, she will be fat. Yep, I said it. Everyone needs to just be prepared mentally and accept reality. No sense in denying it or trying to find the good in it. The boobs mean fat is coming. Simple as that. If the boobs could talk, they would say, “Jessica’s ass is getting fatter every second.”

These pictures were taken at the 10th Annual V-Day event in Century City yesterday, and as you can see, the trophy is showing.

And deservedly so. Look at the guy in the picture maddogging Cash Warren. I hope he kicks his A**.

What a total debacle this has become. Worse more, I think this shot is from a Clippers game. Maybe she sat next to Penny Marshal and Billy Cristal. Wow. How lame will Jessica go for this douchebag? I want the old Jessica back now.

2008 is shaping up to be the year that will always be remembered as the one where we lost one fine piece of …

And is it just me or does Cash Warren have a nose that is unevolved from our days of being apes. My god, this guy can probably breath fine on the top of Everest.

Reality is upon us. The once perfect and unblemished body of Jessica Alba is beginning to suffer. At this rate, I envision her giving birth to Satan. This kid will always be remembered for ruining the sexiest stomach of…possibly ever. Who would want such a rap?

Of course Jessica is denying any claims that she will pose nude during her pregnancy.

To be honest, I don’t know that I would even want to see it, knowing what it might have looked like before this spermicidal catastrophe occured would pain me too much. I really hope the old Jessica returns quickly after Satan is born. I am not sure that I can take another 7 months of morning sickness.

Sadly, no.

The Sun
Jessica Alba has no intention of following in the footsteps of Demi Moore, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera and posing naked while pregnant.
Just a week after confirming that she is expecting her first child with boyfriend Cash Warren, it has come to light the 26-year-old beauty has turned down THREE offers of baring all for glossy magazine covers.
A friend says: “Jessica keeps getting phone calls from magazines who want her to pose naked when is about seven months into her pregnancy. They know it will make their magazines sell.
“She had three offers on the first day, but she doesn’t intend to take any of them. She thinks her pregnancy is a personal and private thing.”

What is this world coming to? I mean a nude preggo Jessica is better than no nudes at all. And right now, we are getting no nudes at all. This should be a criminal act. Did I mention that I hate the douchebag that gave her the sex trophy? He gets to see her nude, all the time. I get to see her nude, never. Does that sound fair?

I mean, it is Christmas time, Jessica is apparently a real scrooge. I want to hang the mistletoe this year. With my luck, Rosie O’Donnell will be the one that walks under it. Such is my pathetic life.

Jessica Alba went for a workout in West Hollywood yesterday. Her and I aren’t really on speaking terms as of Black-Wednesday. For more on that, go here.

Anyways, apparently her production assistant boyfriend Cash Warren shopped at Petit Tresor. TMZ has reported that he purchased Mia Bossi diaper bag, Kissy Kissy maternity clothes and a bunch of white onesies.

Hopefully the onesies are for the baby-to-be, not Cash. Ya, I’m a sore loser.

And next Spring, she will have the trophy to prove it.

People Magazine: Jessica Alba is pregnant with boyfriend Cash Warren’s child, her rep tells PEOPLE exclusively.
“I can confirm that Jessica and Cash are expecting a baby in late spring, early summer,” says rep Brad Cafarelli.
Alba, 26, has dated Warren, 28, since the fall of 2004 after they met on the set of The Fantastic Four, on which Warren was a director’s assistant.
The couple have been seen being affectionate together in Los Angeles in recent days, shopping for mattresses last Saturday and attending a Lakers game, where they were spotted kissing Sunday.

Let this sink in so we can move on.

Done?

Good. So, it’s time to start thinking in terms of the good ‘ole “snap back probability.” You know, after a really hot girl puts out a trophy, how long until she snaps back into proper form? The reality is, most women don’t. But this is Hollywood. Lets look back at some celebrity women that Alba should call for a little advice.

And now for who NOT to call.

Ok, she has never given birth but still, I don’t think calling her is a good idea for anyone.