Jessica Alba

Jessica Alba is my kind of girl. Not only is she incredibly hot with a rocking body…just like me. I know, I know, just go with it. But girlfriend knows how to shop. Rumor has it that Jessica picked up some summer outfits and did some major damage to her bank account. Jessica reportedly spent $4,300 on her snazzy new duds.

From TMZ:

During her shopping extravaganza, Alba hit up trendy Harmony Lane boutique twice and charged up ten dresses and five tops in size XS. Jess also picked up some Insititute Liberal shrugs and a bunch of Vita bracelets and J.Rae necklaces. Alba was looking for outfits for her upcoming summer travel with boyfriend Cash Warren.

That’s a lot of cash (pun totally intended) to carry around. Maybe that’s why Jess was wearing this big ol’ balloon skirt, she needed a place to stash her shopping fund.

Oops, looks who’s getting a ticket. Fantastic Four hottie Jessica Alba was caught by the paparazzi getting pulled over by the cops. I have no idea what she did, but I am willing to bet that cop was thrilled when he walked up to the window and saw that body looking all pouty and embarassed. Seriously who expects to find a celebrity behind the wheel of a hybrid? But I can’t believe he couldn’t up with at least one good reason for a pat down.

I see London, I see France, I see Jessica Alba’s underpants. Who’d have ever thought you could actually use that phrase as an adult? I love my job. I could never have said that if I had stayed in law school and worked for that mega-powerful law firm.

So here’s Jessica working hard for Revlon looking all glammed up with three coats of make-up painted on her face. But I guess the folks at Revlon couldn’t spring for a whole dress since they only gave her a top and some gauze to wear as a skirt. Not that anyone is going to mind, Jess has got an ass most guys would pay to eat off of, but still…you’d think Revlon could have scrounged up a real dress, or at least a slip. I hope Jess got paid up front.

Yes, its Jessica Alba in a bikini. Yes, she’s hot. Blah, blah, blah. But that’s not the best part of these pics. Check out the guy on the lounge chair. How would you like to go down in history as the guy who got a chubby while talking to Jessica Alba? Well, probably one of many guys but this one was captured on film.

And that Jessica is a class act. She’s not running the other direction or pointing and laughing.

At least the guy isn’t pitching a tent while looking at Paris Hilton. The guy may not have any self-control, but he’s got taste.

Well, while I am freezing my rear end off, Jessica Alba is sipping margaritas and sunning herself somewhere warm and no doubt tropical. Nothing says Hollywood Christmas like a bikini, a palm tree and a sexy cabana boy named Juan…or Alphonso…or Tad. Oh who cares what his name is, he’s hot and he’s bringing alcohol.

I’ll bet no one in Jessica’s party will be digging their car out of a 10 foot snowdrift. Happy Freakin’ New Year.

As the New Year begins and so many of us make our resolutions to lose weight, knowing that by Febuary we’ll be binging on pizza and tequila and trying to avoid even driving by the gym, Jessica Alba can be the guiding light that makes us feel even worse.

eCanadaNow quotes Jessica saying:

“I have curves, but I don’t really like them. I wish I was skinnier and taller.”

Um, what’s the word I’m looking for? Oh yeah, I remember. Bitch.

Jessica Alba must be one of the hottest girls out there, but she must also be one of the most boring when it comes down to having sex. Granted, she’s doing it in the ocean, something that most of us haven’t done since we were in 12th grade, but for goodness sake, look at her face! She looks like she is having a social conversation instead of being banged!

Providing a man has blood in his veins, he is guaranteed to like Jessica Alba. Or at least, that is the general concensus among my male friends (and unfortunately my husband too). So far I’ve had to agree with them. She’s a very pretty girl, with a killer body, a good actress and has a great personality.

But, now I have to ask you: any body out there has any idea what the heck happened to her? Because at least in these pictures she looks simply weird. So please enlighten me, or I’ll have to think that the combination of fame, money and Wilmer Valderrama is a deadly one for pretty girls.