Jessica Biel

Jessica Biel is fed up with the paparazzi, so she’s started taking pictures of them taking pictures of her. Which really doesn’t make the problem any better, does it? It’s just that now, instead of pictures where you can see all of her face, you only see half of her face. I’d stick with the umbrella wielding, myself.

So there’s a movie version in the works of the DC Comics Justice League of America and the going rumor is that Jessica Biel may be getting ready to wear the patriotic leotard and the shiny gold bracelets.

But I also hear that Christian Bale won’t be Batman and Brandon Roth won’t be Superman…so is there going to be a superhero throwdown on the red carpet? A battle of the costumed crusaders?

From ComingSoon.net:

Jessica Biel is in talks to play Wonder Woman in Warner Bros.’ all-star superhero film Justice League of America, reports Variety.

George Miller (Happy Feet) will direct the big screen adaptation. Kieran and Michele Mulroney wrote the script.

Ok, there’s no way this movie will be any good so let’s just skip that part. Here’s what’s really important…Jessica Biel is getting way too skinny. I liked her better all buff and scary, now she’s looking kind of gaunt. And the ultra dark hair and pointy collarbones aren’t helping. Someone get this Wonder Woman a cupcake or two.

So here’s your pretty fix for the day. Jessica Biel working the red carpet at the premiere of her new flick I Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. Of course Jessica’s big claim to fame in the movie is when she lets Adam Sandler’s character feel her boobs. But hey, any big screen credit is good, right? Although with her boobs being a bigger star than co-star Kevin James I would have expected more cleavage…and less ruffles.

So here’s more proof that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are getting all smoochy and squishy. JT and hot bod Jess were spotted by photogs squeezing digits in Copenhagen. And I have to say, they make a fairly cute couple. Though I still think Jess could snap that Sexy Back in two if she caught him checking out other chicks. No offense to Justin, but Jessica is definitely the muscle in that romance.

Jessica Biel is raising the bar when it comes to sexy photo shoots. Here she is in GQ looking ridiculously hot and freakishly tan. In the interview with the mag, she said this about being named Esquire’s Sexiest Woman Alive back in 2005:

At first I felt really embarrassed about it. You know, it’s a weird thing to talk about. Like, ‘Hey, guys. Guess what?’ You don’t just go telling everybody that. But after I got over that, I just started to embrace it. I started thinking, If I ever do have kids, and if they have kids, I can tell them: ‘You know what? Your grandma in 2000-and-whatever was the Sexiest Woman Alive. How about that, kids?’ That’s what I started to think about. I’ll always have that picture to say, ‘That’s what Granny used to look like’”

That’s a little disturbing. It can’t possibly be a good thing to give your own grandsons boners. And does anyone else think Jess looks a little bit like Carly Simon in that last pic? Not the real Carly Simon, but Carly Simon if she was really sexy and hanging out in a shiny bikini.

Justin Timberlake better hope that his rumored girlfriend Jessica Biel doesn’t read the tabs. Because JT just put his ex-boy bander foot in his SexyBack mouth.

From The Mirror:

The pop heart-throb called Jessica, 25, his “very dear friend” and said she texts him all the time. But when asked who the love of his life is, he replied: “I haven’t met her yet.” Ouch!

Justin said: “She truly insisted that she came with me on tour. I don’t know how to say no to a pretty face. But it wasn’t really a good idea. This time I’m putting the machine before everything else. Jessica met up with me in Manchester, but for Paris I told her categorically no. This tour is very important for me. I’m doing it really seriously so there’s no question of playing sweethearts!”

Dude, if you have even the slightest chance of bumping tummies with Jessica Biel, you tell everyone and anyone that not only is she the love of your life, she’s the love of your next life and that she can accompany you to the proctologist’s office is she wants.

Someone go find that Japanese hero guy cause Cameron Diaz is about to go nuclear. Still not quite over her break-up with Justin Timberlake ex-girlfriend Cam and Jessica Biel, aka the new girlfriend currently hitting the sheets with Mr. Sexy Back, are both scheduled to present at the MTV Movie Awards.

From TMZ:

Cameron Diaz and Jessica Biel — the ex GF and current paramour of Justin Timberlake — will both be presenting at the upcoming MTV Movie Awards, reports Page Six, and handlers are doing everything “to keep Cam and Jess far apart,” admitting that the situation is creating “a mess.”…Says the source, “Cameron’s looking a little unstable lately.”

Of course we all remember that Cameron went ballistic when she spotted JT and Jessica getting all flirty at a party back in January. Personally, I think a confrontation will be good for everyone (and by everyone I really mean me and my fellow gossip whores). Get those feelings of abandonment and insecurity out in the open. Plus, Jessica would kick Cam’s ass and who doesn’t want to see that?

Looks like things are getting serious for Justin Timberlake and his hot bod girlfriend Jessica Biel.

From People:

The two, who were first linked at a Golden Globe afterparty in January, recently spent several days together in the U.K., where Timberlake was touring. (They holed up in Manchester’s five-star Lowry Hotel and took in a soccer match.)

And now “Justin’s in love,” a source close to the singer tells PEOPLE in its new issue. “She’s the coolest chick ever. He wants to be with her all the time. He’s ready to be serious.”

I’m sure that “coolest chick ever” remark just made Cameron Diaz’s day.

Jessica Biel says she’s too sexy for her own good. Yeah, and I’m too rich and too smart. Please, girl, you have go to be kididng me.

From Contact Music:

“(One director told me,) ‘I’m not looking for the sexiest woman; I’m looking for the girl next door.’”

“Parts I really want aren’t going to me, like The Other Boleyn Girl with Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman.”

Where do you live that Scarlett Johansson is the girl next door? Maybe Jessica needs to go back to her preacher’s kid on a cheesy family drama roots. I’m sure we can find her something on Lifetime or Hallmark that involves milking cows or playing an ugly ducking virgin.

Look out paparazzi, Jessica Biel is fighting back…with a cheap disposable camera. But I’m not sure how the sight of Jessica snapping pics of the photogs with a cast-off wedding reception camera is supposed to get them to leave her alone. Did she think the guys would see her whip out that little yellow camera and they’d run away screaming trying to avoid the dreaded red eye?

Maybe the paparazzi snubbing celebs like Jess and George Clooney have little scrapbooks filled with pics of their favorite sneaky photographers. Or maybe they just put the pics on the dartboard in the cool kids clubhouse.

Are two of the hottest hard bodies in Hollywood swaping more than workout tips? Jessica Biel and Ryan Reynolds have reportedly been spotted getting smoochy. We’ve all seen Jessica’s ridiculously buff bod, but go google Ryan Reynolds…that boy is rocking the six-pack.

Aside from the fact that the two of them together are too pretty for words, I worry about them if they start knocking headbooards. With all that muscle someone is bound to get hurt. And there’s just no easy way to explain a sprained penis or a dislocated boob.

Here’s a sight to make Justin Timberlake cringe. Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Biel, both rumored to be Justin cuddle-bunnies, were spotted hanging together in Paris. And what do think they were talking about?

From Just Jared:

Scarlett lunched at the quaint Spoon restaurant and browsed through the Louis Vuitton showroom. After quickly making her escape out through the back door, Scarlett, 22, met up with her new best friend Biel, 25. The unlikely pair shopped together at the chic luxury shop “Le Bon Marche.”

Both girls have kept mum on their possible Justin relationships. I doubt either of them wanted to risk the wrath of the still smoldering Cameron Diaz. Maybe that’s why the two have suddenly bonded…there’s safety in numbers.

You know, my 7th grade health teacher said that when you sleep with someone, you sleep with all of their previous partners. So doesn’t that mean Jessica and Scarlett are like one step away from being lesbian lovers? Easy, boys, it’s just a statistic.

So Jessica Biel caused quite a stir at Stella McCartney’s show in Paris…and not in a good way. The rocking hot body that is Jessica sat herself down in the front row, but then make a beeline for the door only a few minutes into the show.

Now here’s a bit of fashion show etiquette, it is oh so tacky to leave in the middle of a runway show. Bad, bad, bad, especially when you’re sitting front and center. These shows usually only last 10-15 minutes anyway (any longer and models start dropping due to over exertion) so Jessica’s hasty departure has caused more than a little speculation.

I’m putting my money on bad shrimp. Or maybe Jessica just heard that Bally’s was opening a gym in Paris and she was feeling the need to pump up those arms.

Now for the fun part, who should have skipped the red carpet. I don’t mind being bitchy about this because these women have buckets of cash and professional people to style, primp and pamper them before the show. It’s not my fault if they hired a fashion school drop-out or if they forgot to look in a mirror before popping open the champagne in their limo.

So here are my picks for the big fashion losers:

Jennifer Hudson may have won the Oscar, but that is no excuse for the Judy Jetson gold python jacket she was sporting on the red carpet. At least she had the sense to take it off later so she won’t have to look back on her big moment in that bolero…yuck!

Anne Hathaway in Valentino. What is with the ink spot on the front? Not only was it unflattering to her figure, it looked like a giant butterfly crashed into the front of her gown.

Jessica Biel wore an pink Oscar de la Renta halter that looked hot, but she gets marked down for her hair, too bumpy, and for her obiovus lack of a bra. It would look hot on her if it hadn’t been so cold in LA last night.

Gwyneth Paltrow. I may be the lone nay-sayer on this one, but I didn’t like the meshy, peach Spiderman dress. The criss-crossing lines were distracting and made me a little dizzy. Plus her lipstick is way too red for the gown. She needs to go kiss a few guys to tone down the bright red color.

Cameron Diaz showed up sporting an angular white off the shoulder something that looked like it came right out of a paper factory. It was one of my least favorite looks of the night. Right up there with a bald Jack Nicholson sitting the front row. Check the tape…he’s as bald as Britney.

So, that’s my take on Oscar fashion. Of course I spent the night in yoga pants and a tank top eating ice cream while watching E!. So what do I know?

Looks like Linsay Lohan has another reason to hate Jessica Biel. You may recall that Lindsay Lohan threw a hissy fit at a fancy dinner a few months ago when she spotted her former assistant with new employer Jessica Biel. Well now Jessica not only has Lindsay’s former gopher, but she just nabbed Lindsay’s job too.

From The Post Chronicle:

“Jessica Biel has reportedly landed a plum movie role that had been originally intended for troubled actress Lindsay Lohan. Biel, 24, will now play Hester Worsley in the film version of Oscar Wilde’s “A Woman of No Importance,” Myriad Films tells In Touch Magazine. Lindsay had already announced last week that she was pulling out of the film, saying that she needed to concentrate on getting sober following her decision to seek help, according to our friends at TMZ.com who broke the story. The decision to cast Jessica has reportedly threatened to reignite a simmering feud between the two.”

Personally, I hope these chicks bump into each other at some Holywood bar (where Lindsay is “working” on her sobriety) and that Lindsay gets all up in Jessica’s face. Because you know Jessica could snap that drunken skank like a twig.

Give it up to Mr. Sexy Back. Justin Timberlake went from snuggling up to Jessica Biel in snowy Sundance, to warming the sheets with Scarlett Johansson in Miami. Seriously, is the former boy bander hypnotizing all of Hollywood’s hottest chicks?

From In Touch Weekly:

“They [Scarjo and JT] spent the whole weekend together,” an insider tells In Touch. The pair — who reportedly had a fling after she starred in his video “What Comes Around…” — met up at his bungalow in the Delano hotel at around 3:00 a.m. on February 4, a witness tells In Touch.

At 3:30 a.m. on February 5, the pair snuck out the back door holding hands and headed back to the Delano for the night. Although Jessica is still in the picture, an insider says, “Justin and Scarlett are totally back on.”

Ok, Jessica and Scarlett are gorgeous. They could have an army of horny guys fulfilling their very whim. Why would either one of these girls hang around while a guy blantly hooks up with another woman? Let me rephrase that, why would either of these girls hook up with Justin Timberlake? What am I missing??

Justin Timberlake may have found the ultimate rebound relationship. Rumors are swirling that Mr. Sexy-Back may be keeping warm in Park City by cozying up to Jessica Biel. If you listen very closely, I think you can hear Cameron Diaz screaming like the bunny cooker in Fatal Attraction.

From US Weekly:

Actress Jessica Biel reportedly flew out to the Sundance Film Festival on Wednesday to spend time with new love interest Justin Timberlake.

Biel, most recently seen playing a young soldier returning from Iraq in the film Home of the Brave, doesn’t have a movie screening at the festival, although Timberlake’s new film, Black Snake Moan, premiered on Wednesday.

I’m still not sure what it is that draws women to Justin Timberlake. To me, he still looks like a boy bander trying to pass for a grown-up. But hey, if the guy is hooking up with Jessica Biel, he must have a whole lot of something…exactly how big was that “Dick in a Box” box?

The rumored relationship between robo-hottie Jessica Biel and Derek Jeter is over…we think. Not that we ever actually saw them together. But if they were tangling the sheets, those days are over…maybe.

Page Six reports:

It looks like it’s over between Derek Jeter and Jessica Biel. Last weekend, Biel flirted with Justin Timberlake while Jeter was at Atlantis in the Bahamas for the Michael Jordan Golf Tournament, where Biel seemed to be the last thing on his mind. Saturday night, Jeter was “flirting madly” with Gabrielle Union, our source said. When DJ Cassidy played “Put It in Your Mouth” by Akinyle, Jeter and Union dirty-danced before leaving together. A rep for Union said, “They are friends, but they did not hook up.”

Honestly, the thought of Jessica and Derek together was a little creepy anyway. And if Jessica is single again., I don’t think she’ll have any problem finding a new workout partner. That girl rocks the red carpet. J-Lo should just admit that there’s a new booty on the block.

Jessica Biel is not only hot and built like a sex goddess, she’s got a freaky side too. Check out her recent shopping excursion, and try to restrain your erections, gentlemen.

From E! Online’s “The Eyes Have It” scetion:

“Jessica Biel, rumored gf of Derek Jeter and Esquire’s 2005 Sexiest Woman Alive…picked out a pair of remote-controlled vibrating panties along with some other stroke-ready toys from Booty Parlor at the Kari Feinstein Style Lounge in the Hollywood Hills.”

If Derek Jeter isn’t making time with Jessica, he will be now. In fact, he should be buying a ring, setting the date and grabbing this girl as soon as possible. Jess is all about sports, she’s beyond gorgeous and she wears vibrating underwear. I don’t swing that way, but even I want to do her.