Jessica Simpson

Jessica Simpson is apparently drinking her blues away. So much so, that on May 10th at L.A.’s Mexicali Cocina Cantina, she got tanked and had to call her mommy for a ride. And in a similar time frame, apparently the “1st round playoff disaster couple of the year,” may not even be together anymore. Dallas fans should throw a parade.

The 27-year-old singer was so out of it after a four-hour session of drinking at L.A.’s Mexicali Cocina Cantina on May 10 – which started at the pre-happy hour of 4 p.m. with BFF CaCee Cobb and her beau Donald Faison – that she was reduced to leaving her Range Rover in the parking lot and calling her mom Tina for a ride home, Us reports (for good measure, CaCee Cobb threw up under the table); that same night, Us Weekly also reports that beau Tony Romo partied solo in Chicago and was overheard telling friends he was single again. 

 

PDA is one thing, but Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo swapping chewed cake is far another. In fact, I am mortified to even put these pictures up this morning. Hey, Jessica Simpson is sexy as a firecracker, and I would pretty much share anything with her: except chewed cake. Yuck!

I remember when I was in highschool and this couple kissed and swapped chewed pizza. I have never really gotten over it.

More Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo cake swapping pictures…if you really want to see them…

 

While sister Ashlee Simpson is battling pregnancy rumors, her sister is apparently celebrating Spring Break.

Bless her heart.

Star says, Jessica’s health problems were “brought on by drinking an obscene amount of alcohol,” says the source. “She was treated for a kidney infection, a bladder infection and a urinary tract infection.”
Adding to her distress, anxious Jessica asked doctors to give her a pregnancy test! “She was a nervous wreck,” says the insider. “She was three weeks late and convinced she was pregnant. She was feeling really weak and really scared. She was unraveling.”
Maybe she isn’t recovered from boyfriend Tony Romo’s big first round playoff loss?

“She used to keep her drinks to a minimum, because she’s very conscientious about the calories,” says a source. “But Tony and his buddies really party hard, and I think they expect Jessica to keep up with them. But she is like a third of their weight and just can’t hold as much as they can.” 

Or maybe she is just one cool chick. Why read into it. Cherish it. I love chicks that party, especially during the Spring Break time of year. Brings back a lot of memories, many of them blurry and involving a fat girl, but all the same, memories that I cherish.

NY Daily News says, A few days after the Giants bounced the Cowboys from the playoffs, Romo called the “Dukes of Hazzard” star to tell her their romance was over.
“He said he thought it was better if they went back to being friends,” a pal of hers said.

Tony Romo is now officially the biggest wuss on the face of the earth. Basically, the guy parties it up with Jessica, bangs her lots of times, doesn’t focus on the biggest game of his career, blows it, and then blames Jessica Simpson. Give me a break, I call bullsh$%t. He is just looking for a scapegoat for his pathetic play, so he hopped on the Jessica Simpson is a distraction bus.

Here is an idea Tony, how about you study some tape before big games? Or maybe hold off on big vacations in the middle of the playoffs. Or stop pretending you are Brett Favre, cause you aren’t.

I bet Nick Lachey is laughing is butt off at this one. Jessica Simpson is hot, clearly this has to be the first time she has ever been dumped. And to think that she paid for the Cabo vacation on her own private jet. I think she should show up to the Superbowl in an Eli Manning jersey, that would be spot on!

In news of the unstunning, Joe Simpson is being blamed for the paparazzi being tipped off to Jessica and Tony Romo’s Cabo trip which convienently occurred just one week prior to the Cowboys and Giants big playoff game, a game in which Romo’s Cowboys lost and Terrel Owens cried gayly over afterwards.

NY Daily News says, “Joe is well-known for his deals with the paparazzi, where the family gets a cut from the sales of the photographs,” says an insider.

So Nick Lachey must be loving this unfolding catastrophe. Joe Simpson is clearly a total douchebag money mongering fool. And now the great state of Texas hates him, which isn’t good. This basically means that whenever he stops at a gas station, they attendants will not tell him where the cops are radaring at. It also means that Texans will refuse to drive on the shoulder of highways whenever he is racing up behind them. They may even make him park in smaller parking spaces.

You don’t mess with Texas and messing with the Cowboy’s is pretty much messing with Texas because people there live and breath the Cowboys. Joe better hope he comes up with some Jessica nude photos from the Cabo trip because I think Texans will be less than impressed with anything else.

Dallas Morning News says, A lot of people thought Tony Romo made a mistake by taking off for Mexico with Jessica Simpson on the club’s off weekend. He had a chance to prove them wrong by delivering a typical Pro Bowl Romo performance Sunday. It didn’t happen.

You had to see this coming from a mile away. Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson hit Cabo last weekend, which was only a week prior to yesterday’s big divisional game against rivals New York Giants. The poorly timed getaway was hyped all week in the media, you almost got the feeling that many media heads were chomping at the bit for a Cowboy’s loss.

Romo just got a huge contract from The Cowboys and he is banging Jessica Simpson, he probably just needed time off.

He is free next weekend.

Page Six says, The turkey took in just $1,322 on its opening weekend in eight Texas theaters. Jessica’s next picture, “Major Movie Star,” with Vivica A. Fox and Steve Guttenberg, is also heading straight to DVD.

Jessica, it may well be time to finally do some porno. Hey, not for me necessarily, but for your career. Ok, and for me I wanna watch so bad my hands and legs are shaking. But seriously, now that your career has become a battle for crappy DVD releases, you need to raise the stakes and blow out the competition. You can’t live off these kinds of profits and you really don’t want to go back to singing. Actually, I don’t want you to go back to singing, I really don’t know what you want.

Lets face it, adult films rule when it comes to DVD’s. You will be a huge seller and a huge star. Paris who? Exactly Jess.

But do us all a favor, please dump Romo. I just don’t think he would sell well. He is kind of goofy, not sure if you have noticed that.

When Jessica Simpson in your girlfriend, it is difficult to argue that you aren’t on the right team. She is some fine tail. However, Romo threw three interceptions in a loss to a rival team. Worse more, Jessica’s jerk dad was hanging out. Worse again? He was wearing green. What the hell? Seriously, is he a bigger ditz than Jess?

They may not let him back into the state of Texas.

 

In a move that my be deemed as her best career move ever, FemaleFirst is reporting that Simpson is willing to let the big guns fly if the role is right. PervertFirst agrees with this move.

A source said: “Jessica is in the running for a role that, if she gets it, will put her right on the map in terms of acting.

“The only hitch is that the script requires a number of quite graphic scenes including a full-frontal nude scene. Jessica is so desperate to land the role and get the industry’s respect that she’s ready to go against her better judgement, and her family, by agreeing to bare all.”

Earlier this year, Jessica’s father Joe Simpson forced her to turn down a potentially Oscar-winning role as a porn star - insisting she keep her clothes on.

He said: “The last script that came to us was for Jessica to be a porn star. We were promised we would win an Oscar with that. I told them, ‘I think we’ll just buy a statue of a little man and keep our clothes on.’ ”

I couldn’t agree more with Jessica and after reading this, I hate Joe Simpson. Like hate. Really hate. Also, I would like to extend a message to Jessica: I have a role that will make you super famous. Filming starts in a seedy motel room outside of Vegas. Production cost are low. Please let me know if you are interested, because I am.

Oh look, more pictures from Jessica Simpson’s new movie Major Movie Star. Are you so captivated by all the leaked photos that you’re ready to line up outside the theatre so you can be the first one to see this sure to be a classic? Wait, you’re not? You mean the cheap marketing ploy isn’t working? Anyway, here’s Jessica filming a running scene. Run, Jessica, run. Now sit down in the chair with your name on the back and be waited on by the production staff. Oh yeah, I smell an Academy Award…for the bra that’s keeping Jess’s jigglies from bouncing up in her face.

Photos courtesy of Splash

So more pics of Jessica Simpson’s latest flick Major Movie Star have mysteriously found their way to the internet. You’d think Papa Joe would have figured out by now that just leaking pictures from a film doesn’t get people all excited to see it. Hello Blonde Ambition anyone? Anyway, here’s Jess acting all drunk and lonely outside of a recruiting office. Gee, I wonder what will happen next? Wait, I forgot, I don’t care.

Photos courtesy of Splash