John Mayer

Sounds like Jessica Simpson expects her ex-boyfriends to stay sad and lonely after they break-up with her. The buxom blonde is reportedly not happy with rumors that most recent ex-BF John Mayer might be hitting the sheets with Cameron Diaz.

From Us Magazine:

A source close to the singer tells Us Simpson is “really jealous” that ex John Mayer is seeing Cameron Diaz. “She had her mouth open a mile wide when she found out,” says the source. “She just freaked.” Simpson, 27, parted ways with Mayer, 29, in May after dating him on and off for seven months, and “she thinks about him all the time,” says the source. “She is so not over him.”

Well, maybe if Jess had opened her mouth a mile wide when they were dating John wouldn’t have dumped her ditzy ass. That’s called sexual innuendo my friends. Yep, I’m that good. And it’s all I have because I SO don’t care about the tears on Jessica Simpson’s pillow.

John Mayer may be over Jessica Simspson, but it looks like he still has a thing for blondes. Pop boy Mayer is reportedly knocking boots with big mouth bass Cameron Diaz. One Mayer bud was less than subtle about attractively challenged duo.

From People:

The pair, who were first spotted out together in the city last week, were ‘all over each other’ and ‘super flirty’ at the Bowery Hotel Friday night. Asked if the newly-close pair are dating, a source close to Mayer tells People, ‘Yes, it’s definitely true.’

Awww how sweet. Its special ed love. Sure that was snarky, but these two are ranked pretty high on the goofy looking scale. I’m worried that if they reproduce scientists will have to start a whole new column on the species chart.

Check out Mandy Moore. The sweet and innocent Mandy is suddenly looking all dominatrix and sexy, and she may have a new beau as well. The rumor is that Mandy and Jessica Simpson’s ex John Mayer are getting cuddly.

From TMZ:

The “Chocolate Rain” singer was spotted out in SoHo yesterday having lunch with Mandy Moore, who was in town for the premiere of her new movie, “Dedication.”

I still don’t get the appeal of John Mayer, but then again I’m not into the introspective, carrying around a copy of Siddartha and using big words type. But I will say that a John and Mandy hook up makes more sense to me than John and Jess ever did.

In spite of rumors that Jessica Simpson is begging her off-again, on-again, now really off-again boyfriend John Mayer to take her back, Jess is telling everyone that she is much happier being single.

From Life Style Extra:

“She was telling friends, ‘We were so different, we were fighting so much. I’m really happy to be out of that relationship. This time, it’s totally done.’”

And by “totally done” she means its over until one of them drunk dials and the other heads over with a bottle of champagne and a box of Trojans.

John Mayer may need to change his digits. Rumor has it that his ex-girlie Jessica Simpson is one step away from boiling bunny rabbits and freaking little kids out on roller coasters.

From Celebrity Babylon:

John Mayer, 29, was yelling into his phone with his head down outside by the pool on Monday morning, June 11. Says the hotel guest, “He said ‘Jess’ a bunch of times, so I would think he was talking to Jessica Simpson. He looked wiped out, circles under his eyes, and some pal was grabbing him coffee while he was having this fight over the phone. There was a lot I couldn’t hear, but at the end before he hung up, he told her to stop calling, stop texting, stop all of it — leave me alone! He was shaking his head back and forth like, ‘God, make her stop,’ and his friend was sort of chuckling at him.” Jessica Simpson,26, is shamelessly chasing her on-again off-again boyfriend John Mayer, and it looks like he’s finally telling her “enough!”

Let it go Jess. You may have lost your dignity, but you still have your boobs. And really, isn’t that what counts?

Looks like Jessica Simpson and John Mayer are back together. At least together enough to fight in public and make each other look miserable. And if that’s not love, what is? But what an odd couple. John looks like a vampire lumberjack and Jessica looks like the understudy from Return to the Blue Lagoon.

Personally, I think fighting is like sex. Get off the streets, get a room and keep it down, some of us are trying to sleep.

Are Jessica Simpson and John Mayer getting back together? Rumors of the mismatched couple’s demise haven’t even moved to the bottom of the blogs yet and already there are whispers that the two may be together again.

John was reportedly seen hanging around Jessica’s New York hotel and later left with a big ol’ smile on his face. Hey, ex-sex is usually pretty good.

From In Touch Weekly:

A pal of Jessica’s confirms, “They definitely went on a date last night,” but cautions that the once-divorced star isn’t ready to get back together with John immediately. “She still loves him, but he’s not stable,” the friend explains. “He’s scared of commitment. He breaks up with her and then regrets it and then begs her to get back together.”

So you’re telling me that Jess is the stable one in that relationship? Wow, didn’t see that one coming.

Jessica Simpson and her boobs are single again. Hot on the heels of her creepy dad’s public support for her relationship with John Mayer, reports are being confirmed that Jess and John have called it quits.

From TMZ:

As first reported by Perez Hilton, Jess and John have indeed split. TMZ cameras caught a solo Mayer at NYC hotspot Stereo last night, looking just fine on his own. Get in line ladies, he’s single again.

The hired hands for the two have all refused to comment on the break-up. Fortunately, I don’t mind commenting on it. Is anyone really shocked that this meeting of the minds didn’t work out? Did these two ever actually have a conversation that involved more than which position they should try tonight?

John Mayer has not only publicly acknowledged Jessica Simspon as his favorite squeeze toy, but he is also hinting at marriage. Of course the guy also started answering questions in Japanese at the Grammy Awards so he might just be messing with all of us.

From thinkfashion.com:

John Mayer made headlines at last night’s Grammy Awards when he subtly mentioned that he plans to get married in May. When asked by host Sheryl Hickie of “Entertainment Tonight Canada” about his running shoes, Mayer replied that he knew they were inappropriate but promised he would wear better shoes to his wedding. When asked if he planned on getting married, he replied “May” and walked away. When asked about Jessica Simpson by other red carpet host, Ryan Seacrest, Mayer did not respond with the same answer. He mumbled something in Japanese that, when translated, meant “She is very beautiful – and you’re the last to know.”

Is it wrong that the fact that John was totally screwing with Seacrest makes me actually like the guy? Don’t get me wrong he still looks like Edward Scissorhands, but now he amuses me and that counts for alot in my cold and lonely life.

Jessica Simspson and new boyfriend John Mayer were spotted in Miami having a very quiet dinner. As in, they had nothing to say to each other. Hmmm, you’d think John could at least comment on the sound of the wind whistling through her pretty blonde head.

From Page Six:

JESSICA Simpson and John Mayer’s dates may be more fun for the paparazzi than for the couple. Spies at Nobu in South Beach told Page Six that, despite the ruckus caused by their entrance, the two barely spoke on their Tuesday night date. “John was extremely quiet and didn’t speak a lot,” said a source, while Jessica “just gave a lot of puppy-dog looks and twirled and twisted her hair.” The two were seen holding hands, but Simpson left Mayer for 20 minutes while she “fixed herself up for the camera” before heading back to their hotel.

Wow…exciting. I think I nodded off while I was typing that. Which is fitting since both Jessica Simspson and John Mayer are beyond boring. The only thing that was even remotely intersting about their relaitonship was when Jess defied her money-grubbing Papa and ditched a New Year’s gig to hang with the strangely vampire-looking Mayer. Now I’m bored with them again.

But, here are some pics of Jess and her boobs to liven things up.