Madonna

Madonna made an appearance at her hubby Guy Pierce’s premiere for his new movie, Revolver in New York City. I know everyone thinks Madonna’s looking old, but I think she looks pretty good for her age…and she’s fit as anything! She is, however, looking more and more British by the year.

So it looks like Madonna and her hubby Guy Ritchie have some interesting plans for the evening. Check out Madonna’s latest purchase. Yep, that’s a strap-on called the Purple Penetrator. Guess we know who wears the…err…pants in that marriage.

Actually, the boy toy was probably a gag gift (chuckles) for Guy’s 39th birthday. The two were spotted with the usually wrapped in plain brown paper item leaving the Claridge’s Hotel in London.

So this isn’t really news, I just love the picture. Madonna may have said it was joke, but tell me Guy doesn’t look like he’s a little nervous about heading home. Come on, I remember Madonna before she went all prim and British and I’ll bet she can buckle that sucker on with one hand.

Material Mom Madonna might be ready to tempt adoption fate again by bringing home another tot from Malawi. You’d think after all the stink surrounding her still not official adpoption of the not quite an orphan David Banda that Madge would pick an easier country to pick up a toddler souvenir. But this is Madonna we’re talking about.

From MSN:

In a story that we urge you to take with a heaping helping of salt, the London Sun claims the Big M, 49, has been given the go-ahead to adopt a 13-month-old girl named Mercy, whom she first met in October and will supposedly add to her brood in April.

“Madonna’s over the moon that she’s been told she can take Mercy,” a “close family source” tells the tab. “She didn’t want another complicated adoption.”

I don’t get it. What’s complicated about dropping a ton of money in a starving African nation and then grabbing a few kids to take home with you?

Old photos of Madonna touring her Malawi hobby.

More drama on the Madonna adoption front. Some Malawi official is getting her knickers in a twist over Madonna’s upcoming home study. Seems the Malawi Minister for Women and Child Development is pissed that Madge and brood paid for the other official dude to fly to London and conduct the home study.

Now Penstone Kilembe, the Welfare Services director who had his bags all packed to move into Madonna’s house may not go at all.

From MSNBC:

“You know it requires some resources for me to travel. What this means is that the whole adoption process may crumble and David sent back to his village.”

So the chick in charge of child development is going to take the kid who hit the adoption jackpot and send him back to an orphanage in Africa. Exactly what kind of development is she working on for those kids?

Mama Madonna is reportedly getting nervous about the upcoming visit from the head of Malawi’s Child Welfare Service. The older and wiser Madonna is worried that naked pictures and steamy love letters from her younger days with ex-boyfriend James Albright might be published and make her look like a wild and over sexed pop star. Ummm…well…yeah.

From Metro:

The head of Malawi’s child welfare service is about to spend a week with Madonna and her family in London to assess whether they are fit to adopt baby David Banda permanently.

The singer and her husband Guy Ritchie are said to be “dreading” the imminent visit by Penston Kilembe, who will spend up to five days at the family’s £6.5million Marylebone house as part of a “home study”.

What, are they afraid there won’t be enough caviar, champagne, air conditioning, and jacuzzi tubs to keep this guy happy? Please, they’ll be lucky if they ever get this guy to move out.

So after all the drama and debate over Madonna’s adoption of baby David from Malawi last year, the big decicison day is approaching. The guy in charge of deciding whether Madonna and husband Guy Ritchie get to keep the African not-quite-an-orphan David is heading to London next month to observe the situation.

The head of Malawi’s child welfare will be staying with Madge for as long as five days to decide if David gets to stay with the Material Mom or head back to the orphanage. He says (from The Daily Mail):

“We are worried that the level of public interest might be bad for David. In the normal situation children don’t have cameras in their face. We are not just looking at the positives of being adopted, one of the aspects of an assessment is looking at the negatives.”

Hmmm…cameras in your face when you leave your mansion to get into the air conditioned limo that will take you to private school or sleeping on a cot in an African orphange under mosquito netting and hoping the flies don’t carry your dinner away? Yeah, that’ll take five days to decide.

So Madonna was willing to do her part to support the Live Earth concert to convince us all to be eco-friendly, but she wasn’t exactly reporter-friendly with the media backstage. Turns out the Material Madge had a few ground rules for would-be interviewers.

From TMZ:

Ever the iconoclast, Madonna reportedly demanded that reporters backstage at Live Earth actually look her in the eye when they talk to her — and not avert their gaze the entire time they conducted interviews. So says the Mirror UK (via MSNBC), which reports that the Material Mama shocked concert organizers by insisting that reporters couldn’t look down to check notes and that all questions for her Madgesty had to be memorized — or they’d get the chop.

“We thought her people were joking,” said one Mirror source. Oh no they weren’t: “She did not want to do any interviews, which I told the Live Earth folks from the start,” said a rep for Madge. Journos also couldn’t ask about Guy Ritchie, little David, or Kabbalah.

Well that’s a little “look into my eyes, you’re getting sleepy.” Maybe it was all part of Madonna’s master plan to hypnotize the world into riding bikes and using candles. Or maybe she was just having a bitchy moment and decided to use her pop diva powers to punish the little people who…you know…keep her popular.

Madonna may be headlining the Live Earth concert in London, but she has some serious answering to do with Mother Nature. Turns out the supposedly green friendly singer is making some serious green off of companies that are at the top of the treehuggers’ hate list.

From TMZ:

The Material Mama’s Ray of Light foundation, as FOX News reports, owns “blocks of shares” in companies like Alcoa, BP, Schlumberger, and, worst of all, Ford, which are among the companies that green advocates like Al Gore and Leonardo DiCaprio want rehabbed. Of course, there’s no way to know how much input Madonna’s had in her investments, but according to FOX, the foundation has $4.2 million invested in corporate stock.

Oh how can Madonna be expected to know where all of her millions are sitting? At least she seems to know where her kids are most of the time. Doesn’t that count for something?

Looks like Madonna decided to take the kid and run. The Malawi Mom apparently changed her mind about letting her soon-to-be-adopted son David visit with his biological father back in Malawi. Though Madonna stated that she intended to let David and his father visit at the orphange where Madge plucked the kid up from obscurity, she decided at the last minute to cancel the visit.

From People:

A source at the orphanage tells PEOPLE that “[Banda] was told he would spend some time with his son,” but the meeting was canceled.

Banda, an onion and tomato farmer, left the border district of Mchinji early Saturday expecting to reunite with David. But it was not to be. “They had reached the town of Namitete when the executive director got a call from Madonna’s people telling her that the meeting had been called off,” said the source. “They were not given reasons.”

When pressed for a reason why she skipped out on the reunion, Madonna replied simply “finders keepers, losers weepers.”

Looks like Madonna’s hubby Guy Richie isn’t a fan of her obsession with Malawi. The less famous half of the celebrity couple is running his mouth about Madonna’s trip…and he’s not playing the supportive husband role.

From The Daily Mail:

Madonna might be smiling it up for the cameras on her current trip to Malawi, but her husband Guy Ritchie thinks the trip has “disaster written all over it,” according to a British tab. The Material Mom took adopted son David Banda back to the orphanage from which she plucked him last year, a move that Ritchie labelled “tasteless,” according to the Daily Mail, and also didn’t think it was such a great idea to go back to Africa with an entire phalanx of chauffeur-driven cars. In fact, he had some PR advice for his wife: “If you do go then at least make sure you get your hands dirty this time.” Meanwhile, schoolkids helped Madge out by pelting reporters’ cars with rocks to keep them away from the Queen of Pop and her entourage.

Does having kids toss rocks at members of the press on your behalf count as getting your hands dirty? I hope Guy has already started looking for a hiding place. Because when Madge hears this she’s going to start warming up her robo-bisceps for one hell of a smack down.

Madonna is back in Malawi and she’s getting a royal reception. The Material Mom is playing Mommy Warbucks to the impoverished country. And she’s also brought her soon-to-be-adopted son David back to visit his biological father.

From Yahoo News:

The U.S. pop diva, who sparked controversy last year when she decided to adopt one-year-old David Banda, chatted to local farmers and toured corn fields with aid workers, wearing dark glasses and knee-high boots and holding hands with her daughter, Lourdes. Madonna is expected to take Banda to see his father on Tuesday at the Home of Hope orphanage where he lived before he left Malawi. But her spokeswoman denied media reports she plans to adopt a second child.

Madonna is paying for a new clinic to be built in the village of Gumulira and is supporting efforts by aid groups to help improve food security and education there.

See this just goes to show that if you want to adopt an orphan, make sure he’s really an orphan. Those birth parents can such pains (in the pocketbook). I’ll bet when Madge picks out her next kid (cause you know she’s shopping for one) she’ll make sure to stick to the “no family around to blackmail you” aisle of the orphange.

Madonna is back in the recording studio and she’s getting some help from Mr. Sexy Back. Justin Timberlake has been writing music for the Material Mom and is hanging in the studio. Cause Justin Timberlake has the balls to stop recording and tell Madge that she’s singing his songs wrong. How many of us see that happening?

But I’ll tell you what I do see happening…the next Demi/Ashton style hook-up. Mark my words, in another few months (right around the time the new album comes out) Madonna is going to leave her hubby and nab herself some Sexy Back. Sure they’ll say something ridiculous about how their artisitc interests brought them together and how age has nothing to do with true love, but you know Madonna is going have Justin crawling around the house in diapers with a red string bracelet and calling her Mama.

Madonna has built a career by not caring what anyone else thinks of her. Now the Madonna is tempting fate once again. The Material Mom is reportedly considering adopting another child from Malawi. I can already hear protestors lacing up their marching boots and sharpening their pencils.

From The New York Post:

Madonna is allegedly heading back to Malawi this weekend to look at adopting another baby. A sourcce says:

“Madonna is going to Africa to continue her work with the Raising Malawi organization. She is overseeing the building of a children’s health-care center. She is absolutely not adopting another

I’m on Madge’s side on the whole adoption thing (and not just because she can kick my ass). But going back for another kid is just a humanitarian way to flip off her critics. Then again, maybe she’s planning to adopt David’s father and shut everyone up. Now there’s a plan.

Don’t mess with Madonna. The material mom’s former nanny has learned the hard way that Madonna has muscle and I don’t just mean those freakish biceps. Rumors of a tell-all book written by ex-baby minder Melissa Dumas had the publishing world and Madonna fans in a tizzy. But now it looks like the book and the nanny’s dreams of fame and fortune have been squashed.

From Gawker.com:

Melissa Dumas may live, but for the moment at least, it appears that she won’t be allowed to tell. The former nanny’s memoir Live To Tell, about Madge’s “home life,” which had been announced earlier this week as having sold to Lindsey Moore at Crown Publishing with plans for a crash publication in September, will not go forward. Crown doesn’t give a reason for their release of the rights, but an English tabloid speculates that Madonna’s lawyers maybe, possibly have something to do with it.

Between Madonna’s money, her lawyers and that Kabbalah evil eye the nanny didn’t stand a chance. There are some celebs you can mess with and get away with it, either because they’re pretty cool or because they don’t have the power to stop you. Then there are the celebs that will hunt you down, bury you and then buy your family and sell them into celebrity servitude…and Madonna is their queen.

Madonna’s former nanny is looking to cash in on her years of babysitting. The former kid minder in reportedly shopping around a proposal for a tell-all peek into the family life of Madonna and her brood.

From EW.com

A woman claiming to be a former nanny for Madonna is currently shopping a tell-all memoir detailing the inner workings of the Madonna-Guy Ritchie household. EW.com has seen the 80-page proposal, which is being circulated among major publishing houses. The document proposes a book that will reveal intimate information gleaned from Melissa Dumas’ service as Madonna’s nanny. Sample chapters and chapter summaries provide a laundry list of alleged details pertaining to Madonna’s marriage to Ritchie, their children’s behavior, the family’s participation in Kabbalah, and the motivation behind Madonna’s decision to adopt a boy from Malawi. The pitch also contains personal photos of Madonna’s family, as well as photos of the alleged nanny playing with Madonna’s kids.

This book has lawsuit written all over it. That is if Madonna lets the woman live. Maybe the nanny was too busy taking notes on what Lourdes and Rocco ate for lunch or stealing family photos to notice Madonna’s workout schedule. Cause unless this nanny was a German weightlifter, Madge could her snap her like a cheap chopstick.

Looks like Madonna and Britney Spears skipped the same child safety class. The freakishly fit pop mom was caught driving off with adopted son David in her lap and not in a car seat. And that’s a no-no.

From Defamer.com

The 48-year-old and husband GUY RITCHIE loaded their three children into their Escalade after 2 March (07) services at the Kabbalah Centre in Los Angeles, but baby David was not properly restrained. A witness tells American publication Us Weekly, “There was no car seat. (Madonna) sat in the middle row, and they left with David on her lap.” The following day (03MAR07), Madonna allegedly defied the law by once again by sitting in the middle of the vehicle with six-year-old son ROCCO not properly secured. A representative for the singer slams the claims, saying, “Proper security measures are always taken for Madonna’s children.”

Call me crazy, but I don’t think those red Kabbalah strings count as proper security. I mean those things might stop the evil eye, but I doubt they’ll do the kidlets much good in a head on collision.

Pop the popcurn and grab your seats, people. The bitch fight of the century is getting ready to start. Angelina Jolie is taking sides in the Madonna adoption controversy…and she isn’t on Madge’s side.

“Angelina Jolie has attacked Madonna for adopting a child ‘illegally’. She said the singer should never have visited an impoverished African country with the sole intention of choosing an infant. Her comments follow accusations that Madonna used her fame and money to speed the adoption of one-year- old David Banda late last year.

‘Personally, I prefer to stay on the right side of the law. I would never take a child away from a place where adoption is illegal.’”

Apparently staying on the “right side of the law” doesn’t pertain to stealing another woman’s husband, but I digress. I would pay to watch these two fight it out over African orphans. Angelina is younger, but have you seen Madonna lately? The woman is a fitness robot. Plus she has that whole mystical Kabbalah thing going on. I wonder if there’s some curse she can fling at Angie to make her lips explode.