Olsen Twins

According to People, Mary-Kate Olsen is being hospitalized for a kidney infection and should be out in the next day or so. This takes me by surprise — the Olsen twins have kidneys? Do they have hearts too? I thought that treasure trolls just have little jeweled belly buttons and too much static in their hair.

Ashley Olsen and Lance Armstrong were apparently canoodling in New York earlier this week, at a hot spot called the Rose Bar. The news was splashed all over Page Six of the New York Times.

“Our bar spy said, “They came together with a group of friends. Ashley drank red wine, sat on his lap and they were making out all night. They left together around 2 a.m.”

There is something so creepy about thinking about the Olsen twins making out with anybody at all. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that TNT is still playing re-runs of Full House, where they’re two years old and waddling around in diapers. Now that they’ve blossomed into full-grown treasure trolls, I guess grown men want to rub their bellies and make wishes or something. Next weekend Mr. Armstrong has a date with Dora the Explorer. Ole!

Check out the usually zombie-esque Mary-Kate Olsen looking all fresh and pretty and…human. I guess landing a gig on a hot cable drama has been good for the grown-up kid star.

Here’s what Mary-Kate shared with Entertainment Weekly:

On her career with sister Ashley:
“If you look at our career from 21 years ago to today, it was about entertaining a specific audience. It wasn’t about acting. It was about pleasing other people and making kids smile.”

On her role on Weeds:

“To say that I got to work with those people - with Mary-Louise Parker! - is a great thing. We did have to change our signs, though. When we were on location, we couldn’t have Weeds signs up because we would get stalkerazzi.”

On being a tabloid target:

“So every time I see paparazzi, I cover my face so they don’t get a picture, and I’m just ‘the mean person who doesn’t smile.’ I would love to be able to swim in the ocean in Malibu. But that is asking for a bikini shot. That’s inviting something that I don’t want to happen. I don’t need to be on a ‘Who’s Skinny, Who’s Fat, Who’s Looking Healthy, Who’s Not Eating?’ list.”

Ok, I’m confused. She looks normal and she’s sounds like an reasonably intelligent person. Maybe this isn’t really MKO…maybe this is the secret third Olsen Twin…err…triplet. Cause that’s way easier to believe than Mary-Kate suddenly getting all mature and sh**.

Mary-Kate Olsen, who has perfected the zombie bride look, was spotted locking lips with her two-sizes-too-big-for-her beau Max Snow at a hockey game. So good for her for having a teddy bear to smooch, but what is she wearing? Unless a team of vampires was on the ice, I don’t really get a feeling of team support from Mary-Kate. She’s dressed like the drug addicted/prostitute/cult member daughter that Valerie Bertinelli is always trying to save in Lifetime movies of the Week.

The first thing that popped into my head when I saw this interview of Ashley Olsen for Nylon magazine was: "what happened to the other twin?"

I’m sure that something similar will happen to anyone who comes across this photo collage of the adorable young actress. It’s hard to be famous not because of who you are but because of who you are. Get it? You as in just you versus you as in the two of you. Ha!

Good for Ashley to claim her independence, at least temporarily, and go out into the world by herself, acting like a regular 20 year old girl, and not like a little teenager anymore. But I still keep wondering where the other twin is!