Orlando Bloom

So check out Jennifer Aniston relaxing in Mexico and looking ready to rebound in an itty-bitty bikini. And who is that in the grainy background? Why that’s none other than sexy pirate Orlando Bloom. And let the hook-up rumors begin.

But before you get too excited, Orlando’s peeps have already denied the romance rumblings.

From MSN:

“This is 100 percent not true,” Bloom’s spokeswoman pooh-poohs to MSN Entertainment of the love connection chatter.

“They were both in Mexico along with many others to attend a wedding of a friend who works at the management company where … [they] are represented,” he tells us.

Well that sucks. I though Jen had finally traded up for a guy that could actually make Brad Pitt a little jealous. Sure half of Hollywood thinks Orlando is gay, but even a gay elf is a step up from Vince Vaughn.

Someone’s gone and pissed off Mickey Mouse. The Disney overlords have their cartoon character panties in a bunch over a porn comic based on the mega-hit Pirates of the Caribbean movies. The x-rated comic book features Kiera Knightley getting it on with Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom and that ugly squid monster.

From The Sun:

“A HARD-core porn comic has caused outrage by depicting Keira Knightley having sex with Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp.

Film-makers Disney are reported to be considering taking legal action.”

Oh come on, it’s a comic book. Someone tell the Disney folks to have a drink and relax. Besides most Disney movies are only a dirty imagination away from being porn anyway. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves? It’s a hot chick alone in a house with seven midgets. Sleeping Beauty? Some guy walks in on a pretty girl sleeping and puts the moves on her. Cinderella? The guy clearly has a foot fetish. Nuff said.

So co-stars Kirsten Dunst and Orlando Bloom have hooked up. Or at least that’s the rumor after the two were seen playing tonsil hockey at the Chateau Marmount in Los Angeles. A big mouth pal of Orlando’s reports:

Kirsten reminds him of what Kate used to look like before her dramatic weight loss. It was so much fun for him to be with her because she seemed carefree and not obsessed about fattening foods. Kirsten can also let her hair down a bit and isn’t worried about being the most fashionable girl in the room. Orlando likes that she can look a bit dishevelled, he thinks it’s sexy. Kate would never go out unless she looked perfectly coiffed and that got a bit tiring.

Uh…is this supposed to be a flattering picture of Kirsten? And is it just me, or is this starting to sound like Kirsten is the girl you date that looks like the girl who just dumped you? Generally the plan there is to either a) recapture that kaput relationship or b) screw the look-a-like while you pretend she’s the skank who dumped you.

Gee, sounds promising.

Are Orlando Bloom and Penelope Cruz dating? Or are they just enjoying each other’s private parts? Nobody knows for sure, but something is definitely going on, since the actors hit Hyde together twice this week. A source told Page Six:

"They were definitely together and holding hands."

The couple was also seen a couple of days ago in an L.A. nightclub dancing and talking very close, and right before saying good bye, Bloom kissed Cruz’ hand in a gallant gesture.

"I don’t have a problem with groupies. When you are onset or have been promoting all day, the last thing you want is a load of ladies knocking on your door."

Those are the words of Orlando Bloom, as told a reporter a few days ago. According to the Pirates of the Caribbean star, he is always too tired, so Kate Bosworth has nothing to be worried about. You guys may think that’s total B.S., but I know the feeling: when I’ve been working all day long, and I get home at night, the last thing I want is to have a bunch of my groupies jump on me… oh, wait! I don’t have any groupies… but if I did, I would hate to have them bother me when all I want is a hot shower and foot massage, unless they are experience masseuses, you know…