Owen Wilson

Apparently Jessica Simpson was just a beard; according to People, Owen Wilson is really dating a model named Le Call, whom he’s been seen around New York with. Who is also blonde. And skinny. And a bit vapid looking. Oh, Owen, why don’t you just come to terms with the fact that no one will ever be as funny and smart and cute as Kate Hudson and stop it with all the blondes already? They’re not barbies — you can’t just buy a new one. Well, maybe you can, but not one as awesome as the original.

Owen Wilson has resorted to peeing with the door open to make sure that people know he’s not taking drugs. Since his recent suicide attempt over his breakup with Kate Hudson, loved ones have been worried about his mental stability, and whether or not its being affected by recreational drugs. If he were doing drugs, though, this would explain a lot of things: dating Jessica Simpson, for one. Actually, the peeing with the door open thing sort of makes me think that it’s an indicator that he actually is on drugs. What a relief – here I was, worried that he’d suddenly developed bad taste in women, when really it’s just a simple case of drug addiction. Whew.

According to NY Daily News, Jessica Simpson and Owen Wilson have been spotted together, and Wilson “couldn’t keep his hands off of her.” Okay, it’s official: Jessica Simpson carries some kind of drug in her pocket that makes seemingly good-natured, halfway intelligent guys turn just plain stupid.As we all know, Owen Wilson’s had a hell of a time recently, trying to get over Kate Hudson. He’s on the rebound. So I’m thinking that he’s probably pretty bleary eyed, and maybe all he can see is blonde hair…that’s it! He must have mistaken Jessica Simpson for Kate Hudson! Of course, it’ll only work for Simpson until she opens her mouth and nothing intelligent or witty comes out.

Owen Wilson’s family is reportedly not letting his ex-girlfriend Kate Hudson talk to the recovering Butterscotch Stallion. And apparently Kate isn’t happy about it.

From The New York Daily News:

A source close to the actress says her attempts to send regards have been rebuffed by Wilson’s camp. “Kate has been trying to get in touch with Owen and is distraught that the family doesn’t want her anywhere near him,” says a pal. “She is very frustrated.”

What? Are they afraid she’s going to get on the phone and say “Oh, Owen. I was having sex with my incredibly hot new boyfriend when I heard that you tried to off yourself. As soon as I had my third orgasm, I immediately tried to call you and see if you were ok. Owen? Owen are you there? Call 9-1-what?”

Come on, she’s not that blonde.

More serious news. The Butterscotch Stallion Owen Wilson reportedly tried to off himself and ended up in the hospital. No has has confirmed that this was a suicide attempt so it could be that the likeable and oddly attractive master of highlights accidentaly swallowed a bunch of pills and sliced his wrist open. Hey most accidents happen at home, you know.

Owen has since asked for privacy so that he can heal and rumors are flying as to what caused Owen to allegedly try to cash in his chips. Me, I’m guessing someone sent him a script for Shanghai Noon Part 3 titled “It’s Mostly About Jackie Chan Doing Cool Sh**.”

Pics of Owen’s supposed ex-girlie Kate Hudson. Cause its less depressing.

Back on the roller coaster that is the Hollywood relationship report, it is being reported that Kate Hudosn and Owen Wilson have split. But wait, were they ever “officially” together? Sure it has been whispered that Owen and Kate hooked up while she was still marrried that scruffy singer guy, but the blondies never really went public with their mattress bouncing.

So, Grasshopper, if two celebs never kiss in public and then break up, were they ever really a couple at all?

Overly blonde cuddle buddies Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson have finally decided to come out. I know, yawn.

From TMZ:

They’ve unsuccessfully attempted to hide their relationship for some time now, but last night Owen Wilson took Kate Hudson to a premiere party — finally acknowledging their relationship by appearing together and not just snapped on the fly by paparazzi.

So the worst kept secret in Hollywood’s lovers lane is now official. Do you think being able to spend three hours chatting about hair color products is a good basis for a relationship? Cause if it is, I see a happily every after going on here.

Kate Hudson, who announced her separation from husband Chris Robinson from the Black Crowes, was caught leaving her hotel in Australia with Owen Wilson. Although the reason for her split had been unknown so far, it is now pretty obvious that the blonde actor from Shanghai Noon, also known as the “Butterscotch Stallion.” may be the cause of it.

According to US Weekly, Kate spent several nights at Wilson’s pad in Santa Monica in the last few weeks. Wilson’s lawyers deny the romance, but after several sightings of the two together, who cares what they say? It’s obvious that he is petting that kitty.