Paris Hilton

I mean, she wants to have a dual wedding with long time flavor of the week, Nicole Ritchie.

That’s hot.

Sorry, that was lame, as is this trivial double wedding idea.

Page Six says, Hilton, who is not even engaged to Benji, said she wants to do it in order to sell the pictures from the wedding and thinks she could rake in millions, said one pal. “She’s doing it all for attention, as usual,” said the friend. “It’s a publicity stunt, just like everything else.” 

Why not make this into a reality show? This is certain to fail, one way or the other. The first tiff these two have and it’s all over. This entire situation falls into the things I give a damn about category. I sometimes hate that my job forces me to report such dribble.

Why can’t a foursome be just that, a foursome?

And lets not forget the two douchebags that are involved here: Benji and Joel Madden.

More Paris Hilton pictures.

Paris Hilton wants to clear the air. Kim Kardashian wants to let by gones be by gones. But that’s only the PR side of things. I bet the reality side of things has Kim Kardashian sitting on Paris Hilton’s face. And not in the cool way.

 I would not want [Kim’s butt] - it’s gross!” Paris told a Las Vegas radio show on April 14. “It reminds me of cottage cheese inside a big trash bag.”

Now the long awaited depthless apology.

“I was just joking around and I made a stupid joke,” Paris tells In Touch exclusively. “I felt really bad afterward, so I contacted Kim and apologized. It was a silly thing to say. Kim’s hot!” Kim accepts the apology, telling In Touch, “Paris and I have been friends since we were kids and I’m glad she made the effort to say she’s sorry.”

Paris, baby got back. Pour yourself another pint of Hatorade and move on.

More fat Kim Kardashian cottage cheese pictures. (did that come out right?)

Such sad news, particularly on a Friday. Apparently people aren’t lining up in groves to hang out with Paris Hilton on her new MTV Reality Show. Someone get Nicole Ritchie on the batphone, quickly!

OK! Magazine says, But the scene outside Nikki Midtown earlier this week didn’t exactly resemble the thousands of hopefuls you’d see lined up for a shot of American Idol or So You Think You Can Dance. Actually, it didn’t even resemble a half-price latte sale at your local Starbucks.
“There were less than 40 people there,” one audition insider tells OK!.

Less than 40 people? There 40 people at McDonalds for Egg McMuffins this morning at 6am. Mostly they were all truckers and lawncare dudes, but nevertheless, they amounted to more than 40. So basically Egg McMuffins are more appealing than spending your days with Paris Hilton.

Imagine that.

More lonely Paris Hilton Pictures

She even blogged about it, using complete sentences. I am pretty sure that someone else wrote it, or she googled “Cheesy highschool lovenotes.”

Hey everyone!
Just wanted to check in and say hi! I’ve been on tour with my boyfriend for almost a month now. We’ve been everywhere from South Africa to all around Europe. It’s been so much fun! I’ve never felt so happy and in love, he’s such an amazing guy and life has never been better! It’s so much fun going to their shows every night, I now know every song by heart. I love Good Charlotte, they rock!! All the guys in the band are so cool and sweet and it’s been such an amazing and memorable experience. In my free time, Ive been checking out all your casting videos on the casting site for my new MTV show, www.ParisBFF.com, there are A LOT of fabulous and interesting contenders. I cannot wait to start shooting this show!! It’s going to be a blast!! So if you haven’t logged in yet, go to the site and upload a video, I watch every single one. Also, I was in Montreal a couple days ago for my new shoe line launch, which was a huge success, the shoes are there top seller there. I want to thank you all for coming, it was great meeting you all. I love Canada!! Canadians are awesome, so genuine and real! Thank you for all your letters and kind words, they mean the world to me. Also I met the host of one of my fan sites www.ParisHiltonSite.net, he was so nice and sweet and has a really cool site, go check it out. Well, I gotta go, cause my boy is about to go on stage and I want to go out there and watch him. Also, later I will post some pictures I’ve taken throughout my travels this month, and I’ll be blogging more often to keep you guys posted on what I’m up to.
Love you all and thank you for all your love and support!
Love always, Paris xoxo

I love how the supposed profession of love turns into a blurb for her new show. This must be serious.

The show that is.

No matter what part of the world Paris Hilton is in, she is always an attraction. Even if she is with Benji Madden, who normally should bring levels of star quality down at least 5 points. Looks like Paris is having a good time, except of course for the Paris Hilton fall. 

Paris Hilton fell down on the floor and busted her chin while leaving a music store in Prague. And then Benji Madden, being the king of all things chivalrous, stepped over her. Until he realized her chin was busted, then he came back and helped her to her feet. Apparently she was fleeing the paparazzi.

So much so that he makes them wheel his carry-on luggage around. What a lazy sack of s%$t. Wow, I carry my on carry-on luggage around just for the sake of having something to do.  If you look closely, you will notice that Paris is carrying her own shopping bag, which probably out-weighs that sissy white carry-on of Benji’s. I really think the old man’s hair have more color than Benji’s flesh. He needs to take a night off from the bat cave and get out in the warm sun. Paris could do better.

This is impressive to say the least. They both showed up at the DCMA collective flagstore opening flaunting their jugs. And I have to say, Nicole’s seem to be the winner in the ditzy breastoff competition. Nicole’s have a pornstar look to them, and maybe that’s just what I am in the mood for this morning. Or every morning for that matter. Paris’ look great, they actually look classier to be honest.

But sometimes class just doesn’t cut it for guys. Sometimes we need lactation. I mean, not that I need to lactate, but you get the idea. I bet this event went outstanding for Benji and Joel Madden, they must be proud.

Bore Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie breast pictures

There were some rumors going around that this, like her latest monk companion, was all trickery staged by Ashton Kutcher and his new show, Pop Fiction. As if we need anymore Ashton Kutcher. Thankfully, this is the real deal, or so says Paris.

US Magazine says, “He’s been my friend for a couple of years now, and we’re really happy,” gushed Hilton, who said Madden was by her side during the 8 a.m. telephone interview.
She said it was his idea to wear the matching ‘ BM’ and ‘PH’ rings. “That was a very special present I got,” Hilton said. “He’s really sweet.”

This will last. Totally a good idea Paris. Might as well add “Divorce” to the resume.

More Paris Hilton engaged Pictures. Check out the ring. How obnoxious.

Kind of funny though. Ashton Kutcher is filming a new show that tricks the paparazzi by setting up high profile celebrities with weird situations.

Ok, it really isn’t that funny.

Fox News says, The performance for the paps was reportedly for Kutcher’s new E! series premiering this Sunday entitled “Pop Fiction.” The show is designed to make gullible paps and media outlets look pathetic by pulling all sorts of pranks. 

How cute. “Pop fiction.” Hopefully the show has a ton of close ups of Kutcher giggling and babbling with his trucker hat tilted. Seriously, I miss that. In fact, I am so excited for it right now that I may take a sledgehammer to my TV. This way, I don’t have to endure all the excitement of seeing Ashton Kutcher on TV.

I will just assume that Paris has just discovered The Beatles White Album on her iPod, and this is the result.

TMZ says, He’s starred in tons of films and TV shows including “My Name is Earl” and “Pirates of the Caribbean.” According to IMDB, Maxie’s latest projects are all in “post production” so clearly he has enough free time to whore it up for Paris. 

Paris couldn’t even find a real monk. I love it. Clearly Paris is completely lost in this great big world. I wonder if she plans to get him into LAX in Vegas this weekend? And what happened to her post-prison religion party? I guess that is gone with the wind.

One thing I will say is that bright orange, once again, does go well with Paris’ complexion.

More Paris Hilton and accompanying monk pictures. This was taken outside of Urth Cafe (go figure!)

Hell ‘hath frozen over. Apparently Paris Hilton is now the moral police. Teaching lessons and everything.

TMZ says, We’re told Paris rejected her brother’s request, telling her 18-year-old brother, “You’re going to learn your lesson.” TMZ also knows Paris was “very upset and very disappointed in him.” 

What?  I guess Paris is now the purveyor of all things right with our world. She should become a highschool counselor now, I mean, lets face it, she was just in jail…she must have came out a changed woman!

Just ask the 90 people that caught it.

Fantasy Moguls says The final count will show that the critically reviled comedy featuring the seemingly talentless Hilton has sold a meager $25,500 in tickets at 111 locations over the weekend. That’s only $230 per screen for theaters that were convinced to book this disaster. That means that, based on an $8 average ticket price, 29 paying customers showed up at each location over the 3-day.

I think The Ivy has more patrons dining on the patio on a Tuesday lunch looking for Lindsay Lohan then went to see this movie. That is kind of seriously pathetic. I think she should stick to sex tapes. Paris Hilton sex tapes are something I enjoy watching.

Paris tried to steal the show at a 50 Cent concert over Superbowl weekend and got told to move her a** off da’ stage!

Paris is such an idiot. She was probably imploding watching someone else get attention. I wonder why 50 didn’t have one of his crew slap dat ho! Whatever, Paris was probably wound up all weekend long with real celebs being all over Phoenix. I can’t imagine too many of them actually respect her very much. I mean, she is in essence, a one-hit wonder pornstar. Now that I think about it, I respect her.

More pictures of Paris Hilton attention-whoring.

US Magazine says, Hilton was there for a birthday party and was seen dancing on banquets. “It’s Paris,” says the source. “She loves putting on a show.”

The “show” they so loosely refer to is Paris Hilton and Elisha Cuthbert making out. And even though Elisha’s haircut is remarkably similar to Becks, it still makes me all horny. If a dildo is involved, you can bet Elisha is the beholder. And the wearer of the strap on. She would definitely be the boyish one, if you know what I mean.

Not a big deal, I would still do her. I would do them both. Just stating the obvious, the hair blows. Hillary Swank pulled it off better and she was playing an actual boy. Think about that for a second.

I get the pregnancy thing, but sometimes tradition isn’t the best career move.

Whatever, here are more Paris Hilton and Elisha Cuthbert lesbian pictures.

Paris Hilton struck a pose outside the Ed Sullivan Theater last night. She was there to do The Letterman Show and promote her new, soon-to-be DVD flop, The Hottie and The Nottie. Remember her last Letterman appearance? Yeah, that went well. I think she almost cried. But you know Paris, she is a real emotional trooper. Especially when it comes to trying to delay her movie’s annual trip to Blockbuster.

But she is hot. And Canary yellow is her color.

So.

More Paris Hilton canary pictures

TMZ has learned that Dave’s getting another shot with Princess P, and that she’ll be a guest on the show on Friday, Feb. 1. It’ll be the sixth time she’s been on Dave’s show — and her first since that memorable appearance on Sept. 28.

I bet Dave is a pussy this time around, like he was when he had Oprahma on for the second time. This sucks, I liked the original episode where he made fun of Paris Hilton over her DUI. That was good TV. Now he will probably get all sappy with her and ruin it. Might as well delete the original episode from my memory bank.

Paris Hilton and some plastic haired mattel toy man-thingy did a shoot in Marina del Rey yesterday for a new clothing line known as Fila. The clothing line apparently makes your long, lustrous hair blow in the wind when you wear it, which is totally awesome. They should have replaced mattel boy with Fabio with butter on his chest, that would have been awesome.

I do have to admit though, Paris is stunning. She is. No denying it.

Check out more Paris Hilton model pictures

Daily Mail says, Paris was seen at the Cut restaurant last night, where the Cruises spent three hours dining together after the premiere of Katie’s new film Mad Money.
Paris’ appearance at the same Hollywood restaurant as the Cruises prompted speculation about a possible link to the religious sect
The trio are not known to be friends, but Hollywood’s a small town, and they’re sure to have crossed paths before.
In any case, it appeared to more than a coincidence that Paris was in attendance at the Cut restaurant in Beverly Hills where the world’s most famous Scientologist and his young wife were dining.

F**k off Tom, seriously. We have all had enough of Cruisentology. Leave Paris alone, she is like a scared iconic Hollywood figure. If you get your Cruisentology claws on her, we both know what will happen. She will turn into a frog. Just like Katie has. Remember Katie Holmes, Tom? The hot piece of tail from Dawson’s Creek that we all used to fantasize about? And by “fantasize,” I mean….you know what I mean.

Well, now Katie looks like a freaking frog.

Why don’t you move to Utah with the rest of the weirdos. Go away from Hollywood, you aren’t wanted anymore.

By dancing stupidly. Taking on her usual slutty form, Paris rung in the New Year and singing like a clutz. Only thing missing is the bad gang sign shocker hand signal. I think had this been a Thursday night, surely she would have thrown that in, but this was just New Years Eve, not really a big night for the Hilton clan.

Ahhh to be rich, sexy, stupid and have STDs. I am sure the new year will bring even more good times for her, and good blog updates for us.

And no, I have no idea if K-Fed was with her, as was reported last Friday night. I didn’t look for his picture, I wanted to start the new year off better for myself.