Paula Abdul

Need anymore proof that Paula Abdul is nuttier than a squirrel’s living room? The slurry American Idol is rumored to sleep through her make-up sessions and wake-up cranky if she isn’t fully enameled when her alarm starts beeping.

From The New York Post:

A spy says, “There’s a salon chair in her house where she gets her hair and makeup done every day. She’ll sit in it, set an alarm, and then, because she’s on so many painkillers, pass out while her hair and makeup guy gets her ready for the day. When the alarm goes off she’ll wake up, and God forbid the poor guy isn’t done yet. All hell breaks loose.” Abdul’s rep said, “There’s no alarm that I’ve ever seen.”

I love the fact that out of this entire ridiculous story, the only part P’s rep disagrees with is the alarm clock. On the other hand, I guess if you had to do Paula’s hair and face it would be easier to do it when she was asleep. Otherwise it’s probably a lot like trying to glue eyelashes on a Weeble.

I’ve always known Rosie O’Donnell was kind of crazy, but whenever I read her pseudo-poem blogs, I start to worry that she’s going to wind up in a clock tower armed with a megaphone and volumes of bad haiku.

Anyway, Rosie has apparently picked out her next public celebrity fued buddy because yesterday she posted a new “poem” and smacked Paula Abdul around a bit. At least I think it was an insult.

From Rosie’s blog:

right now
paula abdul would yell action
and the result would be
what we all see

hey paula
we cringe
at r selves
thru u

Crazy fight! How fun! It’s like two mental patients going to blows over which one of them is really Eleanor Roosevelt and which one is a total poser.

Paula Abdul’s people are responding to the rumors circulating the internet (including here) that loony toon Paula was fired from the live action Bratz movie. They say she backed out of the flick, but the producers asked Paula to keep quiet about the split because her name was attracting so much attention to the project.

From US Magazine:

In a statement released today, the singer/reality star’s rep said that Abdul’s schedule was to blame for her leaving the production. “She was not only taping “American Idol three days at week, she was also filming her Bravo reality series Hey Paula! five days a week as well. In addition, she was in the process of not only expanding her successful QVC jewelry line but also coming up with the first scent in her new perfume line “Sexy Thoughts.”

With all her responsibilities, Abdul’s rep explains, “something had to give and ultimately that was Bratz.”

And when asked about the clip from Paula’s reality show Hey Paula that shows Paula weeping and wailing and sure makes it look like she was booted off the project, the fast talking rep adds that it was simply “creative editing.”

Uh-huh, sounds more like creative spin, if you ask me.

Kooky American Idol judge Paula Abdul has been booted off the Bratz movie. Slurry Paula reportedly got the news while filming her self-promoting reality show Hey Paula.

From TMZ:

Paula Abdul got the chop from the “Bratz” live-action flick — because she was “a nightmare to deal with,” says a source to Page Six. And it was all caught on tape on her surreality show, “Hey Paula.” On this week’s episode, the “American Idol” loopette gets a message from “Bratz” producers that she’s no longer needed on the show. Abdul had taken credit for being choreographer, costume designer and exec producer, but “Bratz” folks claim she “was not ever really a part of the movie … there was no way that was going to work.”

Well, did anyone make sure that Paula knew she was suppossed to be on a movie set? Maybe when she signed on to choreograph a Bratz thing she set up a little cardborad studio in her bedroom and a video camera then started dancing with the whored up plastic dolls. Come on people, this is Paula…think outside the normal person box.

Paula Abdul has a new reality show called “Hey, Paula” and she is reportedly playing quite the drama queen.

From Gatecrasher:

In the first episode, set to air June 28, the “American Idol” judge appears addled after the 2007 Grammy Awards. She stumbles on the street and giggles in the back of her limo (”I crack myself up!”) before her mood darkens and she berates two assistants for not bringing her sweat pants to change into for a flight … “The way I’ve been treated is [like] a piece of dog s�,” she complains in another typical outburst.

You know, if they really want to make this show entertaining, the producers need to hire someone to switch Paula’s meds arond every few days. Then it would be like watching the human equivilent of a lab rat on experimental drugs. Maybe they can even put in one of those mazes for Paula to run around in until she finds the cheese and rings a little bell.

Paula Abdul is not happy that a copy of a conference call between her and her peeps was released to the world. Turns out Paula had been in London when the story broke and didn’t hear about it until she got back. Welcome home!

TMZ has Paula’s statement:

“I am deeply hurt and extremely disappointed that someone has taken a private telephone conversation that I had with my representatives and released it to the media. This is not only illegal but also highly unethical. While I don’t feel a need to justify or explain my conversation, even as a public figure I do feel my privacy has been violated and find this action to be unacceptable.”

Of course, if Paula hadn’t been on reportedly shaky ground with her publicist, maybe someone would have stepped in to spin this a little sooner. It just goes to show, you shouldn’t bite the hand that covers up your insanity.

Wacky and sometimes slurred American Idol judge Paula Abdul was allegedly caught in a pity-party conference call. Page Six has reportedly obtained a transcript of Paula on the phone with a whole gaggle of pr peeps bashing her publicist Howard Bragman and having a full fledged meltdown.

Quotes of the call from Page Six:

I’ve never been treated this way and I’ve never seen anybody treated this way. This is just too much to stomach. I’ve been going through tremendous amounts of a difficult time…I do a call-in every week for OK! Magazine on ‘American Idol.’ Because of my brilliant job, they want to do a cover on me. I’m being told by Howard Bragman that I’m too old and no one will ever want to do a cover..I’m being tested. All I’ve ever wanted in my life is to be treated fairly and be treated with kindness. And I’ve never in my entire career been treated this way…Howard Bragman on Monday - he did some disgusting behavior. I had to go to Jimmy Kimmel with no publicist there. I go on with no publicist there and I pay this man…I don’t understand how this man can call me a whining bitch. I’ve never in my life been called a whining bitch and a loser.”

Wow, this is a connect the dots kind of ramble. Can you just imagine a room full of American Idol staffers sitting around a table munching on donuts and listening to Paula whine? My guess is they had her on speaker and there was one person designated to say “uh-huh, I see” every few minutes while the rest of them played Mad-Libs.

Paula Abdul told the world that she broke her nose when she tripped over her itty-bitty chihuahua Tulip right before the American Idol grand finale. But conspiracy theorists are taking a break from their zapruder films to allege that Paula doesn’t really have a broken nose, but she does have a bad temper.

From Page Six:

But a source tells us it’s a coverup. “Paula did not break her nose. She had pitched a fit, threw something into a mirror or glass object, and a shard of glass struck her in the face, which explains why Paula’s nose didn’t seem swollen,” said our spy. A rep for Abdul termed the account “absolutely, categorically untrue.”

That nose sure didn’t look broken. Maybe a little embarrassed to be attached to a clapping seal on national television, but not broken.

Paula Abdul, otherwise known as the sweet and slightly loopy judge on American Idol has a boo boo. Paula reportedly broke her nose when she did a wonky dance move or something to avoid stepping on her pet chihuahua, Tulip.

Her rep says:

“She went to the doctor and she did break her nose, but she’s moving on and doing great” Brokaw says. “She looks terrific. If you didn’t know she broke her nose, you’d never guess anything happened to her. She is in pain. No question about that. But she’s standing 10 feet from me and you’d never know anything happened to her. There are no bandages. She’s got some bruises on her arms and on one of her legs.”

How do you bust your nose and bruise your arms and legs stepping over a chihuahua? The dogs are what, 6 inches high? Did she step over the dog and onto a landmine?

Paula Abdul is a cold hearted snake, or so says one television production company. Pilgrim Films and Televsion is suing the American Idol judge for allegedly tanking a reality show based on her life and then secretly taking the show idea to another network.

From TMZ:

The suit claims PFTV was trying to get the show back on track by selling it to Oxygen. But PFTV claims Abdul allegedly came clean and told the peeps at PFTV that “she had secretly taken PFTV’s ‘Hey Paula’ project … to Bravo.” The suit claims she never mentioned that Russo was allegedly in on it. On January 12, Bravo announced “Hey Paula” will debut sometime this year on the cable network.

Isn’t the real issue here the fact that more than one network was willing to air a reality show about Paula Abdul? What’s the premise, watch Paula slur vague compliments and stumble around the set clapping like a runt seal who wants the tourists to toss her a fish? I’d rather watch a reality show about Simon Cowell. Actually I’d rather watch a reality show about the thrilling life of a celebrity gossip whore, but nobody’s asked me yet.

Paula Abdul keeps insisting that there is nothing wrong with her behavior on American Idol. Does the woman not own a television?

From Reality Blurred:

“A year later, Paula Abdul comments about her bizarre behavior during pretty much the entire season.

She tells Entertainment Weekly that she was not, in fact, intoxicated. Instead, it was simple misunderstanding. “Last year, when no one understood what I was saying, and even though I’ve never been drunk in my life, I’m accused of filling my Coca-Cola cup with alcohol. Yeah, that was really fun for me,” she said.”

First, Paula loses credibily points for saying that she has never been drunk. Maybe I’m a cynic, but bullsh**. Second, the woman was babbling like a senile granny and flapping her hands like she was trying to signal UFOs.

Not that I blame the woman. She probably needs to be on the happy side of happy hour to drown out the voice in her head that keeps saying “How did this happen? I have a Grammy, I have a Grammy…”

You would think that Paula Abdul has enough money to get that horrible chest bone fixed. Or at least to be able to afford a dress that doesn’t show such deformity.

I’m not sure how much American Idol is paying her, but to be sitting there being loathed by half the US population (of the ones that watch AI, I mean), she must be receiving a pretty juicy paycheck. So why on Earth did she show up at the Ivy awards in that dress?