Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise will be making an appearance in Ben Stiller’s new movie “Tropic Thunder” which will be in theaters next summer. In it, he will, according to this photo, be bringing sexy back…complete with bald spot and pot belly. Because, really, what’s funnier in Hollywood right now than Tom Cruise’s desperation to have people like him? I wonder if Katie saw this picture and realized that this is what her future holds…

Even though they’re starring in the new movie Lions for Lambs together, Meryl Streep and Robert Redford didn’t attend the American Museum of Moving Images tribute to Tom Cruise this past week because apparently they can’t stand him. According to a source that spoke to Fox News, Cruise was really pushy during interviews in London, and Streep and Redford basically had to treat Cruise like the impetuous five-year-old that he really is. If only he’d stop trying so hard to fit in with the cool kids, maybe Tom Cruise would rise to become the king of the playground.

Ok, so here’s Mrs. Tom Cruise formerly known, and at least a little respected, as Katie Holmes indulging in one her seemingly great passions in life…doing a freakishly good impersonation of her nutty husband. No, wait, I mean shopping. That’s right, she loves shopping. The slow transformation into a younger looking Tom Cruise is just for fun.

No idea if this story is true or not, but since its about Tom Cruise and space aliens I’m giving it the benefit of the doubt. Rumor has it that Tom wants to build an underground bunker to protect him and his family from an alien invasion.

From The Daily Mail:

“Tom is planning to build a US$10 million bunker under his Telluride estate.” “It’s a self-contained underground shelter with a high tech air purifying shelter.” The facility is said to have enough room for ten people - including wife Katie Holmes, 17-month-old daughter Suri and his adopted children Isabella, 14, and Connor, 12.

I’m so confused. I thought the Scientologists liked aliens. Actually I thought the Scientologists were aliens.

Old pics of the Scientolo-fam.

Scientolo-celebs Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are reportedly ready to spawn again. Which is good because having another kid will be easier than either one of them ever being famous for their acting again.

From OK! Magazine:

“It’s something they want to do sooner rather than later,” a source from Tom’s Berlin Rubicon set tells OK!. “Suri has been such a joy for Tom, so he’d be more than happy to have another girl. Katie feels the same.”

Well of course Katie feels the same. She’s gone all Stepford wife on us. The only lines she’s been saying recently are “Whatver you say, Dear” “You’re so strong and manly” and “I’d love to watch Top Gun again.” I mean, some on…she’s even wearing Tom’s hairstyle.

Anyway, Katie may be looking old beyond her years, but Suri is a cutie pie.

Little Suri may not have her eyes on a modeling contract, but mama Katie Holmes reportedly has her eyes on a skimpy red, white and blue leotard. That’s right, Mrs. Tom Cruise is tossing her golden lasso into the running to play Wonder Woman in a big screen version of the original girl power television show.

From Star Magazine:

“The movie’s only at the discussion state, but Katie feels this role as a kick-ass superhero will put her back in the public eye,” the source says. “She wants to show her stuff, and she wants to prove that she can stand on her own two feet without Tom’s help.”

So does anyone actually think that Katie can play Wonder Woman? Yeah, didn’t think so. Sorry sweetie, you don’t stand a penis’s chance in Paradise Island.

Looks like little Suri Cruise isn’t quite ready for her close up yet. The rumor that the Scientolo-tot was going to be the new face of Baby Gap is being denied by her Scientolo-rents.

So Suri won’t sell baby khakis and polo shirts, but what about a line of tiny “my parents went to auditing and all I got was this lousy t-shirt” shirts? Oh come on, you know that church has a gift shop.

Seriously, I got nothing today. The celebrities are all in hiding. But I can give you the location of Scientology’s favorite couple. Tom Cruise and wifey Katie Holmes were spotted in Saint-Tropez and apparently caused quite a stir among the photo hungry paparazzi. The Super Scientologists are reportedly travleing with Australian newlyweds James and Erica Packer.

Well, at least you know to avoid Saint-Tropez unless you want a a bunch of leaflets on how Scientology can make you famous…as long as you don’t mind marrying a couch-jumper.

Old pics of of the Cruises on vacation

So far people still like David Beckham. But that could all change if this rumor is true. Reportedly, couch jumping, Scientology pusher Tom Cruise is giving Becks lessons on how to deal with the American media. Great idea! Cause Tom is such a media fav right now. Oh wait, maybe David doesn’t want to be a punchine.

From The Times of India (don’t laugh, it’s a real paper):

He’s got a squeaky Cockney accent normally and he talked into his chest. While wife Victoria could turn on the charm, David always looked uncomfortable with that side of fame and preferred to do his talking on the pitch. But Tom’s being drumming into him that Americans expect their stars to be able to be all-singing, all-dancing .”

And maybe after he finishes Tom’s how to alienate the media class (hee hee…aliens!), Becks can ask Britney Spears for some parenting techniques.

Tom Cruise wants to get his hands on something hot. Rumor has it that Tom might be considering buying the LA Galaxy soccer team. And I’m sure the fact his good friend and extra-hot soccer star David Beckham recently inked a deal to play for the team has nothing to do with it. Surely the totally in touch with the pulse of pop culture Tom just thinks that soccer is about to take off in the US and he just wants to be in on the action.

The New Zealand Herald says:

The Hollywood actor is a huge soccer fan and wants to give his financial backing to the Los Angeles Galaxy.

Beckham signed for Galaxy this January on a reported 128 million five-year deal although he doesn’t start playing for them until next month.

Tom and his robo-wife Katie Holmes recently attened David’s last game with Real Madrid with Beck’s wife Victoria. The two photogenic couples have been spotted spending oodles of time together lately. And in one more “its all just a little incestuous” coincidence, Posh and Beck have three sons and one of them is named Cruz.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are denying that they’re expecting another bundle of baby joy. Well, more accurately, Tom’s agent is denying it.

From The Daily Mail:

Cruise’s agent has also denied the whispers, saying: “They are not expecting a second child.”

And here is Katie playing with daughter Suri in a swimsuit that makes it kind of hard to believe that Tom managed to knock her up again. Well, that’s always hard to believe isn’t it?

The rumor mill is all a twitter with whispers that Katie Holmes may be incubating another TomKitten. Celebrity watchers are busy manginfying photos of Mrs. Tom Cruise in their search for the elusive baby bump. Katie has already told the world that she definitly wants more kids. So is she already baking another bun in her recently converted Scientology oven?

And I am sure that Tom was trying to be a gentleman in these pictures, but between the arm hold and Katie’s huge sunglasses and vacant smile, it looks more like she’s in la-la land and Tom is just there to make sure she gets to the car.

Tom Cruise is available for weddings. The Scientology poster boy has apparently been audited enough to be able to perform weddings for his fellow followers of Xenu.

From The New York Post:

Tom Cruise is at the highest level of “clear” in Scientology - and now he may even perform a wedding for a friend, Australian heir James Packer, one of the church’s richest benefactors, Women’s Wear Daily reports. Packer, who inherited a $6.5 billion fortune when his father, Kerry, died last year, weds model-turned-singer Erica Baxter Wednesday on France’s Cote d’Azur. A mystery client, believed to be Packer, has booked the entire Grand Hotel du Cap-Ferrat and the Hotel du Cap-Eden Roc, presumably for his guests.

Now how would like to walk down the aisle and see that waiting for you? How would you take your vows seriously when you’ve been repeating after Tom Cruise? “Repeat after me…I feel the need, the need for matrimony.” And what a coincidence that he’s the highest level of super-Scientologist and one of their all-time highest donors.

Is there trouble a brewin’ in the couch jumping, Scientology pushing TomKat paradise? Rumor has it that Mrs. Tom Cruise, formerly known as the not brainwashed or contractually obligated into marriage Katie Holmes, has been spotted sporting the trendy Singelringen. A Swedish ring that usually translates to “take me, I’m yours.”

From TMZ:

Holmes was seen wearing the Singelringen — a ring typically worn to signify the wearer is single — while in Shreveport on the set of her new flick, “Mad Money.” The turquoise and silver unisex Singelringen was on her right hand.

Single celebs like Naomi Campbell, Vivica A. Fox and Wilmer Valderamma are also wearing the hot Swedish ring.

Is Katie trying to tell us something? Or maybe she is so cut off from the real world that she thinks its just a cool looking ring and has no idea that it secretly screams “hey, forget that whole wedding thing. I’m horny and available.”

These are old pics of Katie wearing a different ring, but it’s Friday…what do you want from me?