During the offseason, the Los Angeles Angels signed the most highly sought after Major League Baseball player since Cleveland signed Ricky Vaughn. And this morning, they apparently signed the most sought after double play breast since Pamela Anderson. Yep, Jordan Carver is decked out in some Angels gear. You remember Jordan Carver, right? The hot big breasted german hot dog eating awesomeness?

Wait, F-You, are you saying that Ricky Vaughn wasn’t real? Do you mean that entire Cleveland Indians team never existed? Someone tell Tom Berenger to his face. And while you are at it, tell Will Ferrel that Santa Clause doesn’t exist.

Mean people….

Enjoy Jordan Carver’s amazing boob pictures. Or if you are just some sports weirdo, enjoy that part of it, I guess.

Selena Gomez was seen hanging out on a balcony in St. Petersburg, Florida, also parading around town, in the shortest shorts ever. She was on the set of a new Nair commercial. Just kidding, its for a new movie called “Spring Breakers.” Although it could be for “Nair,” or for “The Dukes of Hazards goes on Spring Break in Florida and Got Cell Phones Now.” I should write scripts. Oh yeah, Nair is so gross. Now I can’t look at her without thinking it. Thankfully, it was Justin Bieber that was shooting the Nair commercial. I found pictures, enjoy them.

Yes, yes, yes, Kate Upton is famous now, so famous she was just seen hanging out with Victor Cruz right after his New York Giants team won the Superbowl, so it only makes sense she’d hit the papparazi picture whoring circuit. And that started promptly in Mexico City at Liverpool Interlomas Department Store for  Liverpool Fashion fest. Her rack is looking bueno in these pictures. Almost as good as my spanish.

Here are some pictures of Katy Perry at La Maison du Caviar Restaurant in Paris, she brought with her a fantastic cleavage shot, triumphantly overthrowing the Mona Lisa as the new most iconic french awesomeness. You could literally park a naval ship in this incredible cleavage. Obviously Russel Brand lost more than just $20 million in the divorce. Enjoy the sexy pictures.

Jessica Alba graces the pages of LA Confidential magazine this month. For those of you that don’t do magazines because you live in the 21st century, I have put them up on this thing called the Internet for your viewing pleasure. Jessica can just never not look totally amazing. Her body has survived having two babies and marrying a total douchebag (Cash Warren), yet she still comes out shining like a fine diamond. Enjoy the pictures.

January Jones, who you might recognize as sultry yet shy housewife, Betty Francis, from the hit show Mad Men, was seen out in West Hollywood in her hip hugging tight jeans. She’s sexy in real life, also, folks, not just on the small screen.  She has super skin also. Ok, I am getting a bit creepy. Check out the pictures.

So apparently Elizabeth Olsen banged Alexander Skarsgard after the The Film Independent Spirit Awards that were held in Santa Monica. Apparently he took her by the arms, pressed her against the wall, slowly bit her neck, drank some of the blood, then…ok, ok…but Alexander plays Eric on HBO’s True Blood so I thought my shot at the sultry description was rather awesome.

“That’s not my thing anymore. I went out, actually, a few months ago with a friend. And I was so uncomfortable. Not because I felt tempted, just because it was just the same thing that it always was before. And it just wasn’t fun for me. I’ve become more of a homebody. And I like that.

Um, not so sure on this, she pretty much looks like Jim Morrison in his late years. Remember the scene in the movie, The Doors, at the end when he is holding the balloons for kids and he all round and bloated? Well, here is that. I’m pretty sure she’s been out a lot, Oscar parties, staying at Chateau Marmont…I want to be on the same “homebody” regimen that she’s on!

According to Tyra Banks, Katie Cleary is just one girl that doesn’t have what it takes (remember America’s Next Top Model), but if you look at this Katie Cleary bikini pictures in Malibu, I would strongly disagree. Although I do think she could work on her poses, a little too “hey white girl” for me. Check out these awesome bikini pictures.

When Elton John throws a party, the hottest celebrity girls seem to clear their schedules and make the invite. Alessandra Ambrosio, Heidi Klum, Brooklyn Decker, Kardansian messes, and even newly single Katy Perry (who by the way, I love). Lots of tight dresses and probably orders of chicken fingers and side salads. Rock and roll. Enjoy the pictures.