Michelle Rodriguez christens the country of France with her bikini body.

michelle rodriguez, cannes, bikinis

Talk about the perfect blend of sexy and scarey, that’s what these Michelle Rodriguez pictures are. Sexy because her hard bikini body rocks. Scarey because she keeps jumping from things and I keep getting scared she may hurt herself.

Then again, the consummate opportunist in me thinks I do give some damn good CPR. Because that’s how I roll, always ready and willing to throw down a little tongue protruding CPR on a hot actress in a bikini on a beach that has fallen and can’t get up. I am a trained professional. My training includes rigorous run throughs using a blowup Hustler doll that I got at a garage sale in Downtown LA. If that’s not sacraficing for the greater good, I just don’t know what is then. A used blowup doll. I make out with it. All to save lives in the event that a bikini model takes a nasty tumble. My mission is clear, folks: Save bikini models lives. One day I will be called upon to do a great favor for the world, and because of Betsy (the garage sale doll’s name), I will be ready to take on the favor like a soldier storming the beaches of Normandy. Only this would be the beaches of Cannes or Malibu and there wouldn’t be gun fire, mostly just security likely attempting to escort me from the state ran beach.

But that’s neither here nor there. Please enjoy Michelle Rodriguez in a bikini.

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Audrina Patridge, still rocking in a bikini (sexy post)

audrina patridge, bikinis, cabo, mexico

Well first it was Heidi Montag and her plastic boobs making an appearance again, now it’s time for a little Audrina Patridge bikini time. Ah how I so miss The Hills! Crappy prewritten reality TV, chick fights, shallow conversations, and just basic television garbage. Oh, and most importantly, super hot chicks in bikinis. Audrina Patridge is definitely a favorite bikini girl of mine, seriously, check her out. She was replaced by Kate Upton in the Carl’s JR commercials (fair enough I’d say) but Audrina’s curves still got it. I guess when your claim to fame resume is a scripted reality show, TV jobs might be slower to come knocking, so that means just lots of time at the beach. In a bikini.

That’s what I’d do.

Well, you know what I mean. I wouldn’t exactly wear a bikini. Or if I did, you wouldn’t know about it because that is something I’d do in my secret Ninja life.

Enjoy Audrina Patridge in a bikini. I need to go change.

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I wonder if Kelly Brook also uses a pager while wearing a bikini?

kelly brook, boobs, pay phone, models, cannes,

It’s a reasonable question to ask, I mean here she is using a pay phone in a bikini while in Cannes. There is like one pay phone by where I live. Everyday that I pass it there is a homeless guy on it pretending to talk to the secret service about alien life forms in West Hollywood. Yep, that’s how relevant pay phones are today. Crazy homeless people are the only ones left using them, and that’s to communicate potential issues with evil aliens. Where is Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith and that black pug when you need them?

Ok, ok…I am missing the point. I get it. This was a model shoot. And model shoots don’t represent the literal world. They represent sultry fantasies and long range binoculars and late night drive byes and anonymous letters in the mail and …. I guess I should stop, model shoots mean something different to each person. Just kinda depends on the person.

What could Kelly possibly be talking about on that pay phone?

“Hi, my boobs are fantastic and huge.”

That’s it. That’s all she could be saying right now. Because that says everything about these pictures. Oh God now I am overheating. I may have to call that number I like to call. Hey, don’t hate…. whatever the case, this phone booth is now officially the most awesome phone booth since a phone booth in Gotham City turned Clark Kent into Superman…enjoy the pictures.

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Miley Cyrus, let’s talk about sex, babay, let’s talk about you and … well me!

miley cyrus, see through, miami, sex, The Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet, lifetime

Miley Cyrus continues her Tour Of Awesome. I can’t decide which is more exciting, the fact that she wore a see through top to the airport in Miami, or the fact that she went on that weird Lifetime show, The Conversation With Amanda Cadenet and talked about sex.

via Page Six: “I was talking about this at dinner last night,” said Cyrus. “The girls that really base how much they’re worth on the sexual favors they can do for somebody, that makes me really sad. Because sex is actually really beautiful. It’s the only way we create, and it’s the only way the world keeps going.”
Cyrus said that she didn’t feel parents should be so nervous to talk to their kids about sex.
“It’s ignorant not to talk to your kids about it or not make it seem as magical or cool as it actually is,” said Cyrus. “Kids have a TV, so they know what sex is. So educate them and let them know … it’s a beautiful thing, and it is magic, and it’s when you connect with somebody.”

I love Lifetime, remember when they were just some cheesy channel with low budget chick flick soaps? Now they have Jennifer Love Hewitt hooking on The Client List and Miley Cyrus talking about magic and sex. Magic is awesome, by the way, Miley. There should not ever be even one life example whereas magic isn’t relevant to use in some way as a solution. Shame on you. But at the same time, good on you for wearing a see through top to a major international airport. TSA must have been totally thrilled, did you even have to do the xray machine or were they like, “good to go?” That’s awesome. The pilates is paying off ten-fold right now. Nice touch with the dog. Dr. Ruth overall gives you a B+. The only reason you didn’t get an A for the week is because you wore a bra. Shame on you, again. Next level, Miley, next level…

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Beaches of Malibu welcomes Nicole Trunfio in bikini

nicole trunfio, bikinis, malibu

Normally it’s the beaches of Australia which are so lucky, but this time Malibu is getting it’s share of Australian model hottie Nicole Trunfio. I am pretty much waiting for her to run and jump into the waiting open arms of Matthew Mcconaughy somewhere near the secret surf spot. I feel like he probably increases shirtless beach time whenever he knows a new foreign model is frolicking the beaches out there. That’s what I’d do. I guess first I’d need to work out and get me some abs though. I mean, I have abs, I am pretty sure at least, I just can’t see them. And because I can’t see them, no one else can really see them. Which defeats the purpose of abs. It would almost be better if I just didn’t have them at all, I mean what can they possibly contribute at this point?

Anyways….Nicole Trunfio, super mad hot pictures. This girl has some nice buttocks and there are lots of great pictures here to prove it. Oh, and the hour glass bikini figure is pretty rocking as well. I think I am kind of obsessed. Like I may challenge Mcconaughy to a beach brawl. Remember when Mcconaughy caused the big surfer brawl with TMZ? Yeah, that’s kinda awesome. You know what’s not awesome? Most of his movies.  Especially Sahara.

Ok, too much Matthew in this post. Sorry. Refocus. Click the pictures. Enjoy.

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Heidi Montag is back, which warms my heart.

Kristin Cavallari, heidi montag, boobs, baby shower

Oh man, how happy am I this Tuesday morning? Heidi Montag has come out of hiding. The newly plastic infused queen of Jesus came out to see her good friend Kristin Cavallari at her baby shower. Nothing brings out the hotties from hiding like a good old fashioned baby shower. Montag had her balloons with her. And by balloons, I mean her big silicon fun bag boobs. And gracious I am. It’s so nice to see her without Spencer tagging along anymore, is it really over? I have no idea, she really has been in seclusion since she went crazy passing out in a plastic surgeons wet dream. I admit I miss the pre-plastic Heidi a lot, but the look has grown on me. Maybe it’s just because it has been a year or so since I have seen her and I am way more desperate now than I was then. Hey, I am not ashamed, I have been on a bit of a 2 year bad streak. That’s life. Don’t hate. Personally I think Kristin Cavallari took the reigns from Heidi in a big way, but now that she is the host of a baby shower, that kind of voids that idea. But a pregnant Kristin Cavallari is better than like the last 8 chicks I hooked up with…combined. And really, no need to combine these chicks, if you catch my evil drift.

So here are the pictures of Heidi Montag. Her boobs really do look wonderful. Hot stuff.

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2012 Billboard Music Awards pictures.

Katy Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM Grand

The 2012 Billboard Music Awards took place in Las Vegas at the MGM Grand Garden Arena last night, and I have the pictures to prove it. Do you really need proof from me though? It’s like, everyone knows they did happen. So what do you need me for? Well of course to see these Carrie Underwood portion of the pictures (I got like 40 other also but man she takes the sexy cake).

Carrie Underwood is so freaking hot that it sort of makes me want to do some good old fashioned stalking (internet picture stalking, that is, I can’t deal with LA traffic enough to go full on stalk mode). Man Tony romo has to be just saaaad…

Amber Rose looks stupid. I can’t not think of Kanye West when I see her.

Juliane Hough looks pretty hot.

“Modern Family” stars Ty Burell and Julie Bowen hosted the 2012 Billboard Music Awards live from Las Vegas where LMFAO won six awards plus performed that annoying song of they have. Taylor Swift won Billboard Woman of the Year, Kanye West accepted on her behalf. I’m. Just. Kidding. About Kanye, of course. Taylor is all woman all year folks. Stevie Wonder got an Icon award, he performed and Alicia Keys did a rendition of Superstition. But Adele won 12 awards, so she pretty much owned the show. And she didn’t even show up. Seriously, she double owned everyone by not even showing up to claim the damn prizes. That’s total star power. Perry, Cee Lo Green, Linkin Park, The Wanted, Usher, Chris Brown, all performed on the night as well. Overall it was a fun watch for those not nerding out standing outside with a stupid mirror and box trying to get a glimpse of the solar eclipse. What kind of loser does that? Ok, this loser, I got blinded by not using a nerd box or silly 3D glasses or whatever. I wanted to see what all the hype was about. I hate me lots right now. This screen looks like 40 Robin Williams bad movies right now. It’s bad.

Lots of pictures. You can check the tags for all the hot celebrity woman names in case you get confused here.

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Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM GrandKaty Perry, Amber Rose, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Julie Bowen, Brandy Norwood, Justin Bieber, Jordin Sparks, Las Vegas, MGM Grand

Miley Cyrus blinds us with her cleavage at Billboard Music Awards

miley cyrus, billboard music awards, cleavage, boobs, red carpet

Forgive me if I make some spell in errors this morning, it’s really tough to see the screen. No one told me NOT to stare directly at the solar eclipse last night. I’m totally hacked right now, I have been seeing spots all morning. In fact, the only thing I can fully make out at this time in the morning is Miley Cyrus’ white lightening cleavage that graced the red carpet of the 2012 Billboard Music Awards last night. For those that didn’t stare directly into the satanic eyes of the solar eclipse, these Miley Cyrus boob pictures may be a tad too bright to get your morning started.

Miley was all done up to the 9s for the show, as you can see by her more elegant hair do. Did I just say that? Wow, you would think this blog is now like InStyle. I just threw up a little in my mouth. And I wish I could see again. I hate my neighbors, why couldn’t someone just say something to me? I may block all my neighbors from seeing Miley’s cleavage to return the favor.

Obviously, Miley’s pilates has been working pretty well. She looks great. She’s the sizzle. I think sizzle might be my new word. Oh and I have an entire 2012 Billboard Music post about to go up. Lots of hotness other than Miley’s cleavage. The likes of Carrie Underwood and Katy Perry and more. Stay on standbye please.

That’s a wrap. I still can’t see.

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Hayden Panettiere, world’s sexiest short skirt robot.

hayden panettiere, short skirts, sexy, photoshoot

So these might be some of the weirdest pictures I have posted in some time. And no, the pictures of me lathered in oil and whip cream wearing eye liner in the buff don’t count. I said “posted,” not “took with iPhone and forgot to put pass code to ON and now some weird drunk guy at the bar who found my iPhone totally has the pictures and posted them on his blog” photos. Totally and completely different.

These are pictures of Hayden Panettiere in a short skirt in some like, catholic school girl getup, for a photoshoot in New York City. Hayden is sexy as all hell, but I don’t completely get what is going on here. She almost looks like a robot or like she is in a straight jacket and being forced to smile. She also looks like she bathed in Botox. I mean, what the heck is this photoshoot for? The new sexy version of Chucky? It looks like she can’t even move her neck in these pictures. I don’t get it.

All the same, girl is holding it down with her utter hotness. Hayden Panettiere in a short skirt is pretty difficult to beat. Unless she is naked, then of course that trumps everything…even my iPhone pictures. Don’t hate. Also, it’s important to realize that no dolphins were harmed in the making of Hayden Panettiere becoming a weird sexy robot girl. So everyone, relax.

Enjoy the hot and sexy pictures.

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Selena Gomez does Forbes magazine, she is so affluent.

selena gomez, forbes, photoshoot, dress

Selena Gomez did a photoshoot for Forbes magazine. But who cares? Honestly, I am sick of people being like, “oh man, Selena Gomez is such a hottie 19 year old! So perfect!” Like come on, who cares if she is sexy, latina and 19 years old?

I am just f#$king with you. I totally am into it.

No really, I am! And it’s really great that at the very least, she isn’t with any of her teen weirdo boyfriends so maybe I can ask her to prom. Also, nice touch Forbes, it’s like you are reading about billionaire investors on one page and going coocoo for Gomez puffs on the next page. That’s my kind a business magazine. You know, one with pictures. Rock on. Enjoy the hot Selena Gomez pictures.

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