Madonna fell off a horse, and I meant that literally, as opposed to the figurative version related to the Malawi people not allowing her to be a parent (wow, maybe some of the Malawi people should come over here and clean up America). Anyways, she actually fell off a real live horse. Again.

The Material Mom, who suffered broken bones in a similar accident three years ago, was leaping over hurdles on a brown steed on the East End spread when she bit the dust just before 4:30 p.m.
In the wake of the titanic tumble, more than 10 people, including her Brazilian boy toy Jesus Luz, 22, rushed to her side.
Rescue workers, who arrived minutes later, scooped up the “Like a Virgin” songstress and gingerly carried her on a backboard to a waiting ambulance, which raced to Southampton Hospital.
She suffered only minor injuries and bruises but will have further tests and will remain under doctor’s observations, her spokeswoman said.

Um, maybe take a hint? Maybe, just maybe, these horses don’t want you on them? Just asking a question, folks…

Ashton Kutcher beat out CNN and Britney Spears in getting 1 million friends on Twitter. I can’t tell you how impressed I am. Seriously, last time I was this impressed I was making paper airplanes and throwing them at the TV during Making the Band season 198. Here is more amazement from People.

For the past few days, he’d been locked in a race with CNN’s breaking news feed — (@cnnbrk), but just before midnight Thursday he became the first “Twitter millionaire.” Around 1:30 he tweeted, “Victory is ours!!!!!!!!” and posted a twitpic of the win.
Kutcher says he’s donating 10,000 mosquito nets to the medical charity Malaria No More to celebrate, and the video-game publisher Electronic Arts says the millionth follower will become a character in “The Sims.” Plus, there’s the promised ding-dong-ditch of Ted Turner’s Atlanta home to look forward to!

Well, not literally, although it does seem like a road these two could go down. Susan Boyle claims she has never been kissed and Larry King can’t find anyone to kiss. So….anyways, the 15 minutes of fame clock is still ticking for Boyle, carry on.

Paris Hilton’s boobs came out in full force in London last night, and heck, she even looks bedazzled by the funbags. Is it just me, or has Paris Hilton’s boobs increased in size? Like naturally? All the same, looks like her boobs are the new fish and chips in the UK: Taste good, but way bad for ya! Check out all these Paris Hilton boob pictures below.

Gwyneth Paltrow is apparently not loved by all. She apparently used to have a frenemy, Paris Hilton style, who tried to undermine her life and career. Check out what she said to Goop.

Back in the day, I had a “frenemy” who, as it turned out, was pretty hell-bent on taking me down. This person really did what they could to hurt me. I was deeply upset, I was angry, I was all of those things you feel when you find out that someone you thought you liked was venomous and dangerous. I restrained myself from fighting back. I tried to take the high road. But one day I heard that something unfortunate and humiliating had happened to this person. And my reaction was deep relief and…happiness. There went the high road.

Page Six is suggesting this frenemy is her former roomie, Winona Ryder, and that the unfortunate and humiliating incident was of course, the theft case. More pictures Gwyneth Paltrow below.

Kim Kardashian fell asleep with her glasses on in the LA sun, and then naturally, posted the images of herself on her blog seeking help.

PLEASE HELP ME! I am so sunburned! I fell asleep with huge glasses on yesterday! This tan line is not ok!!!

Dear Kim,

I still find you incredibly attractive, even in this state. I’d still hit it, that’s what I am trying to say.

Kim Kardashian posted a picture from her Muscle and Fitness photoshoot this week on her blog. She is saying she is now on her way to six pack abs. Good lord, if all these sexpot planets align, the universe may well explode.

Alright guys, I have been going sooo hard in the gym, and I really feel it’s paying off! My tummy is soo toned. Why is it that the top part gets ripped first and the lower part is sooo hard to tone up!? I am determined to have a six pack by summer! In a feminine way of course.

I plan to follow this story closely for any new developments or arousals. I wish I had more pictures, but I failed.

Jessica Simpson’s parents are more obsessed with Jessica’s boobs than Tony Romo is. And that my friends, is sick. Remember what her dad told GQ a while back about the boobs?

“Jessica never tries to be sexy. She just is sexy. If you put her in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, she’s sexy in both. She’s got DOUBLE Ds! You can’t cover those suckers up!”

That was in 2004. Well, welcome to 2009, the year of Twitter. Here is what Jessica’s mom tweeted about Jessica’s boobs this week.

@AshSimpsonWentz. Driving home in my GWagon with Jess…both are fast and top heavy!
7:48 PM Apr 14th from Yatca

All celebrities with the exception of Shaq really need to get rid of Twitter for their own health. Or maybe for my health. Yuck!

Gillette has a new commercial out featuring Tiger Woods, Derek Jeter, and Roger Federer. This time, instead of being animated gamer characters, they are the real deal walking the streets of New York City in greasy fashion, to the tune of Staying Alive. This really makes me want to dance; or shave. I can’t decide.

Those of you avid readers probably remember the Hulk Hogan praising of OJ’s murdering ways the other day, while others of you possibly blocked this memory from ever rising again. Well, its about to rise again. Apparently OJ caught up with the rest of modern, non-barbarian, cultured society yesterday when he admitted to TMZ that he maybe shouldn’t have went there. Here is Linda’s attorney to get the ball rolling.

“We have always maintained that the fear that Linda has had to live with comes from the rage and instability much too often associated with pro wrestlers.” The statement goes on: “Linda and her family are taking these recent homicidal comments seriously.”
The statement concludes by saying Linda’s attorney is weighing his legal options.

How awesome to be Linda’s attorney, the pins just keep standing up right in front of you! Strike! Of course, Hulk came back with this:

Last night in Clearwater, FL the Hulkster said his Rolling Stone interview was a 3-day long affair, in which he said he was really the anti-OJ Simpson. But here’s the thing. Last night, he explained, “I didn’t do the OJ Simpson thing. I took the high road.”

What high road? Behaving like a non-murderer? This dude needs to check in….