The Kardashians are one mad tribe of womenz this morning. Apparently Hustler is going to shoot a naughty redention of the ladies. Not the broadway type, more the Santa Monica blvd after hours…type. If you catch my drift. The film, according to TMZ, is Keeping Up with The KardASSians. Oh, I get it. ASSians. Nifty fellows. I love the irony that Kim is upset that someone is filming a porno about her. Interesting, all things considered. Yeah, I went there. Here’s some pictures, and I found the video promoting the film. Bounce down and check it all out.

Shaq pulls out his bowling routine for the hometown fans in Phoenix. Check out this Youtube showing you the full rehearsal. Gotta love Shaq!

Lindsay Lohan blames you, America, for her woes. After recent reports surfaced that she is mooching off of her DJ girlfriend, Samantha Ronson, Lindsay decided to discuss the matter with E! News. And of course, she handled herself with grace, class and honesty. Just kidding, folks.

On her relationship with Samantha Ronson:
“They need to stop saying we’re fighting. People telling lies about me to her and all this garbage. I’m really a good person and I have a good heart and just want to work and the only reason I go to clubs is to hear Samantha spin or be normal.”

On the “real” Lindsay Lohan:
“I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs and I don’t lie. I love to act and write and be creative and I want to help people by playing characters that can send a positive message out to whomever may need it.”

On why she can’t get work:
“If people would just leave my personal life alone–because it’s really not that interesting–then I could land a great role. But all the sicko fans and the noise is so distracting.”

On her dreams:
“I’d like to have my own charity, do work overseas, be in Oscar-nominated films, write movies, produce movies/shows/videos, design clothes, make music, write books, etc. It’s all possible if people would just stop judging me and accusing me and making me out to be this aloof, spoiled, ungrateful and unprofessional person that I am not and could never be.”

Why do celebrities like Lindsay and Paris actually pretend they are interested in charity work? Come the heck on, if you want to run a soup kitchen, go run one. Don’t pretend you want to run one.

Reese Witherspoon came out of her sexy-hiatus yesterday when she attended the movie premier of Monsters vs. Aliens. Reese has recently been seen in pretty much sweats and hang-out clothes, but for this event she put on a little dress and let her legs do the talking. Looking pretty hot girl. No sign of Jake at the premier.

Poor Jennifer Aniston just can’t catch a break. Last time it was villianess, Angelina Jolie, that broke up her relationship. This time its Twitter. Yes, I am serious.

The source said: “John suddenly stopped calling her or returning her emails and when she would finally catch up with him, he’d say: ‘I’ve been so busy with work. I’m sorry I haven’t had time to call you back.”
The source added: “Jen was fuming. There he was, telling her he didn’t have time for her and yet his page was filled with Twitter updates.
“Every few hours, sometimes minutes, he’d update with some stupid line. And in her mind, she was like ‘He has time for all this Twittering, but he can’t send me a text, an email, make a call?’.”
It has also been claimed musician John made no attempt to cover up his Twitters.
The source said: “He didn’t even deny it. He knew he was avoiding her. So when she called him on it and ended things, he just said OK, and that he was sorry it didn’t work out.
“He took the break-up like a man.”
Even so, shortly after Aniston’s call, Mayer’s Twitter update read: ‘This heart didn’t come with instructions.’

Talk about totally humiliating. When Jen is needing some man-love, John is telling the world, “Just went to bathroom, may go to Target. Not sure yet.” That’s bad.

Um, here is some video from the Big Boy in the Morning radio show out of Los Angeles. Big Boy ask him if he was a Correctional Officer. Apparently some pictures have surfaced. Check it out.

Here is R&B singer, Christina Milian in Hawaii rolling about in a bikini. Nice body. The dude with her is her boyfriend and record producer, The Dream. Just writing his name made me feel like The Lame. I’m The Serious. Anyways, good looking girl, so enjoy the boatload of bikini pictures I got of her. I was too lazy to crop out The Dream.

As I suspected yesterday when I posted about Lindsay Lohan reducing her career to Fornarina commercials, she is now living off of Samantha Ronson. And when I say living, I mean she hasn’t even adjusted her lifestyle based on the fact that no one even wants to pay her for appearances.

“Lindsay is spending like crazy!” a friend of the actress tells us. “She’s living on credit right now. She has no cash. The problem is, the money being spent is mostly Sam’s because Lindsay doesn’t really have any of her own at the moment; she’s really taken on the ‘man’ role in their romance. Sam really thinks Lindsay needs to learn how to become a recessionista and manage her money better.”
A second pal agrees. “Lindsay’s money situation has never been great, but it’s only gotten worse over the last month. For every dollar she makes, she spends double. Her personal appearance fees are literally the only thing keeping her afloat. But here’s the rub: Because of her explosive relationship with Sam, she’s unable to get the type of cash she’s used to. The negative press and constant appearance cancellations are hurting her pocketbook.”

Ouch. Sounds like Samantha Ronson is getting used to being the man, but she is a rookie. Sam, you need to regulate your girl, trust me when I say this. She needs structure. And discipline. And with that, I am getting turned on which is too much for me on a Monday morning…..

Bruce Willis did marriage the right way. He waited until he was 900 years old and then he married a model. That’s a sound move, my man. Pictured above is model and actress, Emma Hemming, Willis’ new wife. They were married in Bruce’s Turks and Callos home this weekend.

With ex-wife Demi Moore and her husband Ashton Kutcher among the guests, Bruce Willis said “I do” with model and actress Emma Heming on Saturday, PEOPLE confirms.
The small wedding ceremony took place at the actor’s home in Parrot Cay, Turks & Caicos.
Also present among the small group of guests were Moore and Willis’s daughters, Rumer Willis, 20, Scout, 17, and Tallullah Belle, 15.

In what seems like the most moronic thing I have ever read, Ashton Kutcher used his Twitter account to Tweet a picture of his wife, Demi Moore, bending over in a bikini. The best part is he thought he was being sly.

watching my wife steam my suit while wearing a bikini. I love God!
9:43 AM Mar 21st from TweetDeck

I’m not wearing the bikini she is that’s what makes it so glorious
9:46 AM Mar 21st from TweetDeck

shhh don’t tell wifey http://twitpic.com/2bj58
10:11 AM Mar 21st from TweetDeck

Welcome to the Internet, Ashton.