I want Russell Simmons to adopt me.

Russell Simmons has a butt load of cash. And I mean like Kim Kardashian’s butt size of cash. Check out what homeboy is “giving” his daughters.

I am reading these stories today about how a judge ordered me to pay Kimora $40,000 a month in child support and I want to make something very clear. Nothing was ordered, it was given. My kids have a fabulous life; they are exposed to a broad range of artistic and scholastic educational programs and I’m very happy to contribute to that. As long as I have it, they can have it. If I ever don’t have it, I’m coming to live with them!

Umm, yeah, time for me to find a new family. These kids are certainly going to turn out to be model citizens. Can you imagine them teaching their own kids someday about hard work? You’d think they’d have to at least do some dishes or something? By the way, I will take all the old cars in the family.